Stop Caring What Other People Think: Other People Suck.

Stop Caring What Other People Think: Other People Suck.

There’s something you should know: I don’t give a f*** what you think about me. Sorry girl. I learned how to stop caring what others think about me a long time ago.

So when you read this post or any other post on WIP, here are a few things you should keep in mind:

-I don’t care if you get to know me and decide that you don’t like me.

-Or if  you learn about my life and scoff at it.

-I don’t care if I am vulnerable and you find it embarrassing.

-And I sure as hell don’t care if I share pictures of myself and you find me unattractive.

And get this:

If you think I’m a bad writer, then you can suck it. Because I.Don’t.Care.

(That one took a lot of courage.)

I’m not saying these things to be a pompous-poopie-meanie-face or whatever you want to call me. I’m just being honest. Because learning how to stop caring what others think is such an important part of self-confidence. And so duh-girl, can you guess what I’m talking about today?

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I Learned How to Stop Caring What Others Think…

But I wasn’t always this confident. Just because I am a self-improvement expert and confidence guru today, doesn’t mean I had my shit together my whole entire life. And it’s important I make that clear. Just because you feel insecure now, doesn’t mean your future has to be that way too.

Listen, I’m not going to sugar coat it, learning how to stop caring what others think was one of the hardest lessons on my self love journey. And when I launched  What is Perfection I had to learn that lesson it all over again.

I Needed to be Vulnerable in Order to Make a Difference.

I created What is Perfection to provide a resource for women that I was not fortunate enough to have on my own journey: The tools to find self confidence and create the life you dream of.

But I knew that in order to do that, I was gonna have to get pretty real about my own experiences. I couldn’t inspire women to overcome their adversity in life if I couldn’t open up about my own, right?

So I did. I made the decision to be an open book.

But I’m not stopping now.

And I don’t care if you judge me.

Because being true to who I am to help just one person out there is worth it. One person’s life changed by my stories is worth more to me than a million negative vibes thrown my way.

Sorry if that’s cheesy. But it’ true.

And that’s how you should feel about your own life:

Being true to yourself should be worth more to you than anything anyone else can say about it.

 

The Real Reasons Why You Should Stop Caring What Others Think:

1.When you are constantly trying to please other people, you stop learning how to please yourself.  It’s the sad truth of living an inauthentic life: When you are constantly worried about what other people think, you easily give up hobbies, interests and passions that naturally bring you joy. Learning about what makes other people proud of you isn’t the same thing as learning what makes you happy. Figuring out what you enjoy, and discovering what makes you unique are really important parts of growing your self-worth. And you can’t exactly do that if you’re spending all your time worrying about the rest of the world.

 

2.You will never feel fulfilled.  I used to make almost all of my decision based on the amount of attention I thought I could get. If I knew my parents would be proud of me if I got good grades, then I would try really hard to get them. If I thought a certain outfit would get a boy to pay attention to me, I would wear that outfit. But even when I got that attention I anticipated, it didn’t make me feel good – at least not the way I hoped it would. I was too busy looking to other people for the feelings I should have been trying to create for myself. That feeling of pride and joy isn’t fulfilling when it relies on someone else’s reaction. No matter what you do, other people cannot make you feel happy the way you can make yourself feel happy.

3. When you stop caring what others think, you actually start living. It’s a beautiful thing. When you let go of that insecurity, suddenly your life becomes authentic, original and custom designed by you. You start making decisions because you are listening to your intuition and trying to follow your heart (instead of following others.) When you stop worrying about what other people think, you can create a level of happiness and confidence that is simply not possible otherwise.

So go let go of all that B.S., so your life can be bad-ass girl.

Want to take another step in the right direction? Check out this post on learning how to stop caring what others think.

 

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Learning How to Be More In Touch With Your Emotions

Learning How to Be More In Touch With Your Emotions

Have you ever just felt so sad but you didn’t know why? Have you ever gotten into such a deep rut or a “funk” that you just can’t shake for some reason? My boyfriend and I call it the hee-bee-jee-bees. It’s that deep rooted feeling that makes you feel gloomy but you don’t know what the cause is. Figuring out how to snap out of that sadness is a practice that comes with time.. It’s about learning how to be more in touch with your emotions.

Here’s why it’s Important to Be In Touch With Your Emotions…

It isn’t flowery.. Being in touch with your emotions is key to living a happier life. Not because life is suddenly happier and things are perfect when you are more in touch with your feelings, but because being connected to your inner feelings will allow you to over come challenges, to really embrace difficult times, and to learn that hey — life isn’t so bad!

Being in touch with your emotions, how you feel and why you feel the way you do is like understanding how to operate the car you drive. If you don’t know that a car needs gas when it’s empty, you’ll never be able to pick up, recharge your tank and keep on driving!

So What is Emotional Intelligence and How DO You Get It?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify what you are feeling, when you are feeling it, and why you are feeling it. It’s simple. When you have it, life is awesome even when it sucks. But without emotional intelligence, life is a rollercoaster of complete ups and downs that you have zero control over. Have you ever met a person who wasn’t emotionally in touch with their feelings? Someone who lacked emotional intelligence? These are the people who get angry and scream when things go wrong — the people who cry a lot and can’t control their stress level. These are the people I used to be when I was emotionally lacking the skills I needed to feel “put together.” Don’t be one of those people. Those people suck.

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Here’s What You Can Do To Be More In Touch With Your Feelings

1. Stop Rushing Around Like A Crazy Person: Its really easy to get wrapped up in the day to day tasks and responsibilities of life…. so when we are feeling sad or a little “off,” we need to stop and take time for ourselves. Multitasking is a great skill that I use on the regular, but whenever I’m feeling gloomy I put all my tasks on hold, sit down and try to relax and process my feelings. I take out a journal and write, or I sometimes just close all the doors, shut off all the technology and think deeply.

2. When Things Suck, Don’t Sit and Try to Convince yourself That They Are Awesome.. Embrace the Negative: I swear, people who pretend things are great when they aren’t really drive me nuts. They drive me nuts because first of all- without recognizing the gap between where you are vs. where you want to be you will never actually push yourself into a better place! This is true of having an unhappy career you are settling for, an abusive relationship you are trying to make work, or a financial situation that is holding you back. Recognizing that you aren’t exactly where you want is going to be the first step in making things better. And emotionally intelligent people don’t pretend like everything is great.. they embrace the negative situation and figure out how to fix it.

3. Try to Look at the Bigger Picture When Things Seem Overwhelming:  Sometimes when we are down it is really easy to get into the snowball effect… what I call an avalanche disaster. This is when one bad thing makes you think about all the other bad things in your life… and suddenly you aren’t crying because your dishwasher broke.. you are crying because your whole life is terrible and you hate it. How ridiculous is that?!?!? Take some time to think about the bigger picture of whatever sadness you are feeling… stop replaying negative thoughts in your head over and over again and just try to think of all the areas of your life that are kick ass.

4. Be an Empathetic Person: I always try to tell people to imagine things from other people’s perspective. If you are feeling sad because a friend keeps canceling on you, try to imagine why that is happening. Is she really overwhelmed with her schedule? Is her work life crazy overwhelming and so demanding on her that she has little time for anything else? It is easy to feel crummy about how we are effected by other people’s actions, but it is easier to feel a little less crummy just by thinking deeply about their own situations and struggles. Relating to other people’s experiences is really helpful in not only overcoming a sad feeling, but also in being a good hearted person.

5. Practice Self Love: Any time I am feeling down it is super easy to fall into negative thoughts territory. “I’m so terrible,” or “I’m a mess,” or “Life is so hard,” thoughts start to surface. Nip those thoughts in the butt the minute they come. Go stand in the mirror and start chanting some new thoughts out loud. “I am a wonderful person,” “I am a kind hearted person full of love,” or “Life is an Amazing Blessing.” Try these things.. They work.

6. Communicate Your Emotions: In the beginning, this one was a really hard one for me. I couldn’t communicate what I was feeling because I didn’t know what I was feeling! Ever been there? Yeah.. It happens. The best way to learn a new language is to practice it. And the language of emotion is like any other language. You aren’t going to learn it just by reading it.. You need to write it, speak it, live it and be immersed in it. If communicating your thoughts or feelings is hard — if you have a hard time processing what you feel, don’t worry.. you just need to train your brain. Shut off the technology, sit in your bed, and ask yourself, “WHY AM I SAD?” and write it out. Write it out, and then right after you are done, TALK IT OUT. Perfect your language and be more in touch with your inner thoughts.

7. Be Honest With Yourself: This goes back to my statement about not trying to convince yourself things are awesome when they aren’t. Are you angry? Disappointed? Feeling guilty? Whatever the feeling is don’t push it down.. EMBRACE IT. Be in touch with that feeling, ask yourself why it is there instead of trying to ignore it. Ignoring your feelings only makes them build and get worse. Embrace it and figure out a solution. The first step to change is acknowledging the problem!

I hope this list is helpful to you guys in recognizing your feelings and being in touch with yourself.

 

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Why Fear Totally Sucks

Why Fear Totally Sucks

So a While Back I told you all about my awesome trip to Florida attending my first Tony Robbins seminar Unleash the Power Within. It was an amazing four days of long intensive seminars on self discovery, finding happiness, and learning to love yourself. I am so happy I attended the event and cannot wait to go back. I brought a lot of amazing practices and self discovery tools back home with me, and I am so excited to use this blog as a platform to share it with all of you. So today, I wanted to talk about Fear and share the valuable lessons I learned: What causes fear, what it is, how it haunts you, and how to overcome it to live a more amazing awesome life.

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What is Fear?

Fear is what stops us from moving forward. Call it stress, Call it insecurity, call it doubt — it is all the same. Fear is the little part of our psycholigy that immobilizes us from taking action and moving forward in our life. IN ANY WAY. IN EVERY WAY. Fear is always the main source of whatever holds you back in life.

 

The Fear of Not being good enough, and the fear of not being loved. And that was me.

I wanted to change my body, I wanted to get healthy and lose weight, but I was scared of Not being good enough… and Scared of Not being loved the way I want to be.

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What controls our mind AND our lives is the meanings we associate to the things in our lives. The things we have, the things we have experienced — those things per-say do not shape us: What DOES shape us is how we interpret those experiences and things.. what we choose to focus on shapes our emotions, our language, our body physiology: EVERYTHING in our lives is shaped by how we interpret our experiences.

So I am going to be honest with you guys — and really write it out here.. to show you exactly what I learned about fear in Tony Robbins.   This is where my mind used to go when I  thought about wanting to lose weight and change my body:

If I have the perfect body, if I am skinny, thin and beautiful, then I am more susceptible to hurt and pain. I have been hurt in the past, sexually assaulted, cheated on, lied to multiple times by different people in my life… And for some reason, the pain of those experiences led me to believe that my physical body was to blame. Sure we all go through bad experiences, but the key is using those experiences to make you a stronger more self-loving person. And for a while, that lesson wasn’t with me. I had to go to a Tony Robbins seminar to really discover my fear and how these past experiences shaped where I was in my life. Sure these experiences were rough — but we all go through difficult things.. and we ALL don’t have body image issues. But I did. Because somehow, I interpreted these experiences to believe that being beautiful and looking the way I truly want to would or could somehow contribute to more pain in my life.

I know on paper this makes no sense, but this is how I have lived my life– in fear of being hurt. And somehow I started to believe that by being the chubby girl, I was less likely to be a victim. But i was LIVING like one as a result.

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How to Kick Fear in the Butt

You are NOT your past. First and foremost. You may be living the life you are right now because you are holding onto your past, but PAST does not make you YOU. And you can let go of it and move forward.

Step One: Recognize The Fear. I am afraid of being hurt. Plain and Simple. I am afraid of never being good enough. Plain and simple too. But if I sit here and ignore that these are things I am afraid of, it doesn’t do me or my life any justice. In fact, it only makes it worse! Recognizing your fear and acknowledging it keeps life from going crazy and out of your control. Don’t let fear Control your life by ignoring what your fears are. Face them HEAD ON. For me, that meant recognizing that I am scared of being hurt. I say it a lot .. I acknowledge the feeling when it enters my body. “Fear you are there. I can feel you.”

Step Two: Stop Pulling Away From Fear. Tony Robbins did a great demonstration on fear during the seminar. He had a man come on stage to represent fear, and held hands with him. He said, “this is what happens when you try to break away from fear.” And then Tony spent the next few minutes trying to drag him left and right all over the stage. It was EXHAUSTING just to watch it! The point of the exercise was simply this: Don’t run away from fear.. it tires you out and you end up giving up. Here’s what you do instead.

Step Three: Walk With It. Recognize the fear. Recognize that you are scared and take it along on your journey with you. Don’t let it hold you back by dragging away from it as much as you possibly can: You will end up making bad choices based on being afraid! Instead, just go along your journey taking your fear with you.. recognize it is their and move forward with your life.

Ask Yourself These Three Questions: (And Journal Your Answers) 

What is it You Truly Want but Can’t achieve?

What Are You Afraid of when it comes to this goal?  

What Benefits has living with this fear given you in the past?

Why Be Free Of This Fear NOW?  

Want to have fear propel you forward in your health and wellness lifestyle? You should check out my E-Guide: Perfection to Power. It has all the tips and tricks I learned about using emotional wellness to transform your body!

 

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT MORE FREE SELF IMPROVEMENT GUIDES

 

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Investing in Yourself – My New Adventure!

Investing in Yourself – My New Adventure!

Hi guys! So you won’t be hearing much from me the next few days, I have left my computer at home and hit the road for Palm Beach Florida! What am I doing? Where am I going? Hm…….

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I am heading to Florida to knock a big thing off my bucket list: Attending a Tony Robbins Seminar!!

Most of you may know Tony Robbins but have no idea who he is or what he does. Remember the movie Shallow Hall ? Well.. he’s the guy that gets stuck in the Elevator with Jack Black and transforms his life. It was a silly exaggeration of his ability… but in real life, he is an amazing life coach game changer — Tony Robbins is probably the number one inspiration for me when it comes to living a happy and successful life. He is all about figuring out why people tick  – what causes them to do what they do, and what the emotional drive is behind all of our actions.

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I’ve read a ton of books on self help, being healthy and feeling good about yourself, but his by far was always the one that stuck with me. He has amazing seminars and life coaching audio programs to offer the world, and after years of wanting to go see him in person, I am finally doing it!

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So I packed my luggage and feel incredibly ready for this amazing four day experience. It is a seminar that sounds SUPER intense based on schedule alone: most days start at 7am and end at 11pm. LONGGG work ahead guys.

But as expensive as it was, and as emotional as the weekend may be for me, i Know that investing in myself is important. And I know it will be worth it.

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You only have one life. So you have to do your best to make it everything you want it to be. You only have one you  — so you need to invest in yourself — your soul, your body, your level of health…  money and time put into these things is worth it. It is worth it because it makes you better, makes you stronger, makes you the person you truly deserve to be.

I can’t wait to share this amazing experience with all of you guys! Sending you lots of love these next few days! Wish me luck!

 

 

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Plastic Surgery and Feeling Beautiful – Saying No to the Knife

Plastic Surgery and Feeling Beautiful – Saying No to the Knife

I am so blessed to have so many beautiful women in my life who inspire me and teach me things every single day. Today, I am so happy to share one of those amazing stories on the blog– A story from my friend Amanda — how she struggled with feeling beautiful and for a long time — thought about getting plastic surgery to change something about herself…. Turns out — she feels more beautiful than she ever did before … and it had absolutely nothing to do with changing how she looked. I am so happy to share this beautiful and touching story by one of the most beautiful women in the world. Here it is.. from Amanda:

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Feeling Beautiful, and Saying No to Plastic Surgery – Amanda’s Story

When I was in fourth grade, a boy named Billy would torment me every day. I would go home and cry and ask God why he had to curse me with a such a hideous nose. “Frosty” and “Pinocchio” were two of the hurtful nick names that I acquired, however the worst insult of all was “You are ugly.” This hurt me to my core.

I was made fun of for my big, Sicilian nose throughout high school and even a few times in college! Sorry ladies, not all boys grow up after high school. I thought to myself “you will never find anyone to love you…” That’s when it hit me: plastic surgery. I seriously debated getting a nose job for several years.

plastic surgery what is Perfection

The thought was first put into my head in middle school when my doctor said I would need surgery for a deviated septum. “While we are in there, do you want us to fix anything else?” To me this confirmed that the face that I was born with was both unattractive and fixable. When I met my husband in 2010, I shared these thoughts with him.

plastic surgery what is Perfection

He told me that I was perfect the way I was, but that he would support any decision I made because I had to do what would make me happy. And that’s when It clicked. What the hell was wrong with me? How did it take me so long to realiZe? It wasn’t my nose that was making me so unhappy. It was my perception of myself. It took me many years to finally love myself…to learn that my Imperfections were a part of what made me beautiful…and that surgery would not make me happy. That was up to me.

Now a high school teacher, I hear my students complain to each other about their bodies and their hair and their eyebrows and their noses every day. Some girls refuse to eat lunch because they want to be thin like Chloe Kardashian. A boy told me recently that he wants to get Botox and facial reconstruction. A high school boy said this! To all of the boys and girls, men and women out there who look at themselves and see all that is wrong, I urge you to change that mindset. The next time you look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, smile and see all that is RIGHT. Try to see yourself for what you really are: beautiful. And to all of the “Billys” out there who are telling young girls that they are ugly, I have one thing to say to you: look at me now. I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am ME and you cannot break my spirit.

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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