Hey girls.. so yesterday on Whatisperfection.com I got real about a part of my own story – what happened in my life when I walked away from my ex. And how my world felt like it was falling apart – but then later, how I realized it was such an awesome thing to happen.
Yeah.. looking back, I am so super happy that my life fell apart. Because it changed my life in so many awesome ways.
But did it feel that happiness when it was happening? Um.. HECK NO. Having your life fall apart totally sucks. Like, going to the dentist and getting your teeth pulled kinda-suck.
If you didn’t check out yesterday’s story, you can read it here.)
But if you did read that post, you’re probably wondering: How the heck can I make that happen for myself?
How do you go from feeling so shitty after a breakup to feeling so rockstar awesome!?
Good thing you’re reading this post so I can share the deets.
I could dish out all my secrets and tips for how to drastically revamp your life, but then you would be spending a heck of a lot of time reading this article.
Which is why I threw EVERYTHING into a 30 Day Course called Broken to Beautiful that you can check out here.
But for the time being, let’s get real about some magical things you can do after a break up to start feeling a little bit better.
Repairing Your Life After a Breakup
Try believing that you aren’t breaking up to be alone. You are breaking up to date yourself.
This is one of the most powerful things we can do: change our mindset, and start looking at things differently. When I became single for the first time (in a long time) I really struggled with the idea of “being alone,” because it was something I just had no clue how to do. I mean seriously it had been a LONGGG time since I was single, and I really had no idea how to do it. So what did I do instead? Well.. I did the thing I knew EXACTLY how to do: be in a relationship. Except instead of being with someone else, I focused instead on BEING WITH ME. Yes. I full out dated myself. I made Saturday afternoon plans to go to the movies and treated myself to fancy dinners. I spent time getting to know myself like I was a new strange person in my life (and when you are single for the first time, yeah it kind of feels that way so it’s easy to pretend.) But that simple change in mindset totally helps.
He was a jerk. Remember… he was a jerk.
And if you forget, I recommend making a list. There is a fantastic exercise we do in the Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Course that is focused around this sole premise. Get out a pen and paper and make a list of all the ways your relationship did you damage. It is much easier to feel good about walking away from a relationship when you remember how bad it was. (And sometimes, when we are alone, we quickly forget that.)
Make your single life an adventure
So, just touching on that first point there – where I talked about “dating yourself,” let’s just elaborate: Be the BEST freekin girlfriend EVER to yourself. One of the ways I learned how to enjoy my free time was by making a single girls bucket list. There’s a free E-guide for it! (just click here)
But making an “experience” out of your new found single life definitely helps in the process of healing. It’s an awesome way to do all the things you always wanted to do *and never did.*
Start repairing yourself rather than the relationship.
Self Love and Personal Development is the first big badass step to healing your heart. I am not saying you need to go out and completely transform your life the minute you end a break up, but I can probably guess that the thought of that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. The biggest best thing you can do for yourself after a heart break is rediscover yourself. Learn how to strengthen your self love, learn the painful lessons this breakup is really offering you and make the most out of the experience.
It isn’t about fixing the relationship anymore. It’s about fixing your heart. And that all starts from within.
Hope these tips help! Also, check out these free E-guides for healing heart break!
What I want in life has changed over the years.
I used to believe that I wanted the Perfect body, and the perfect job, with the perfect husband and the perfect amount of money etc. etc.
Now what I want is far more complicated and less “physical” for my life. Far less “perfect.”
And ever since I have changed my approach – to go from wanting “things” to wanting “emotional fulfillment,” so much of my life has actually changed.
So here’s a free flow of thoughts today.
On the topic of wanting, wishing, doing, and believing.
I don’t really want to be successful, because by everyone else’s standards, success means making tons of money but living and breathing your job. And I don’t want to do that.
I want to be successful because I promote change, do something that is fulfilling, and feel a passion directly related to my work.
I used to want to be well liked and approved of by others.
Now, I just want to be myself. And that’s what I do. And when I am myself, I find wonderful people to fill my life with. It is amazing.
I don’t want to have the perfect body. I just want to feel beautiful and connected to who I am in my life. Feeling connected is what makes me feel beautiful.
I don’t want to impress the world, but rather, feel proud and accomplished within myself.
Wrong people don’t hurt me. Wrong decisions don’t affect me. Wrong impressions don’t upset me.
I am me. And it doesn’t matter what the world around me thinks of it.
We all need a few little inspirational sayings every so often.
Time and time again, whenever I am struggling with feeling happy, I look towards some positive affirmations or inspiring quotes to get me through it.
Here on What is Perfection, I am constantly sharing my self improvement tips to get you through whatever you are going through.
And no matter what, I know that a few strong inspirational sayings can push me out of my slump. So today, I’m just going to throw a few of them out there for ya. Follow my pinterest page if you want more!
My Favorite Inspirational Sayings of the Month!
That’s all for today on WIP. Keeping it short and sweet – because I got big things going on for next week! Stay tuned!
How to feel beautiful when you feel terrible about yourself? Simple. Start thinking differently. Sounds too good too be true huh? Well it isn’t.
Did your mother ever tell you how beautiful you are? Mine told me all the time — boys sometimes did too. But I never believed it. I didn’t look like all the other girls, and I felt like I was different from everyone. Growing up I believed that being beautiful looked a certain way: It was long hair, big boobs, beautiful makeup and long eyelashes. It was a toned body, a flat tummy and a gorgeous smile.
For a while, I thought I had to change how I looked in order to feel beautiful. Then I grew up. And I realized something very important: Becoming a beautiful person is a magical process that starts from within.
You don’t have to change how you look in order to be beautiful. You need to change how you FEEL.
Because you already are beautiful. And if you don’t know it yet, I am here to give you the secret tips for learning how to believe in your gorgeous self.
Our False Perception of Beauty
For some reason people believe that you can’t feel beautiful until you have the perfect look — until you are the skinniest, the prettiest, the most successful person you can possibly be. The truth is we have a backwards approach and perspective to attaining beauty. Feeling beautiful is a “feeling” after all… so wouldn’t it make more sense to define that feeling based on emotion and not physical characteristics?
So how do we change that?
How do we start redefining our beautiful and actually start feeling beautiful?
It’s simple. Just follow these steps for learning how to feel beautiful and start thinking differently about your gorgeous self.
Make your “beautiful roadmap.”
This is something I tell all my clients to do. For some reason, many of us have this complicated roadmap for what we believe we need to achieve in order to feel beautiful. We stop defining beauty by emotional traits, and instead, start thinking strictly in the physical form. In order to change that and learn how to feel beautiful and fulfilled by your looks, your first step is to map out all things you believe you need to achieve right now in order to feel gorgeous. When you have your list, you’ll see how crazy complicated it is (I’m betting because most of my clients lists are complicated.) What do you believe is the key to feeling beautiful? Is it long legs, clear skin and a gorgeous slim body? Get clear about all the important physical factors you believe make a beautiful person.
Recognize how you formed those beliefs.
Once you recognize exactly what you believe is your “definition” of beauty, your next step is to figure out WHY you believe those things. Go through your list of all the physical traits you identify with being beautiful, and figure out the core reasons why you feel that way. What past experiences have you had that forced this limiting belief into your subconscious? In order to learn how to feel beautiful, we need to be able to challenge our current beliefs and develop new ones. The truth is, so many of us believe beauty is a certain way because we have had negative experiences that coined these ideas in our minds. It’s up to us to change it. Write out all the reasons why you believe each of these physical traits you listed are important. Were you bullied for being chubby? Did someone make a comment about your skin growing up? Did a boy make fun of you for having a flat chest? Get real with yourself. And be as specific as possible.
Discover the emotions behind those beliefs.
Ok, so now it’s time to figure out what emotions you associate with your beautiful roadmap. See that list you created of all those physical things you believe are the key secrets for how to be beautiful? What do each of those things mean to you emotionally? Does a thin body mean a sense of being controlled and connected to yourself? Do you think long hair is feminine and that’s why it is beautiful? Understanding what emotions each of those physical traits brings up is super important – it helps you understand the emotional road map for learning how to feel beautiful. So for each physical trait, cross it out and redefine it with an emotional trait that you most connect it with. (There are some tips in the worksheet below)
Create a new strategy for how to feel beautiful.
Okay coolness.. Now comes my favorite part for learning how to feel beautiful: The moment when you start to actually CHANGE your view on what it means! Now that you have all those sexy ass emotions listed out on a piece of paper, it’s time to discover new extra ways to create that feeling in your life. So you thought long hair was feminine ? What other ways can you feel feminine? If you thought feeling thin gave you a sense of strength or empowerment, what other things can you do each day to feel that way? Get my point? See where this is going?
Now go get the free worksheet for creating your own Beauty Roadmap and learning how to feel beautiful for realz yo!
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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!
I am different. Let’s face it. There is no way around it.
Some people would call me weird. But I don’t care. Actually, I love it.
Because I don’t exactly follow the “rules of life” by the book. And I am so much better for that.
I am the person who needs to learn lessons the hard way.
The girl who constantly felt like she didn’t belong.
I am no longer living my life doing what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it.
That’s not enough for me. And I am so glad it isn’t.
I choose to be myself. And I don’t do that in spite of my differences. I actually do it because I am different. It is something I am truly proud of.
And while it did take me a while to accept my uniqueness- Today I am in a place where I am so proud of it. And I wouldn’t want to be any other way.
So if you’re that girl struggling to accept the fact that she is a little bit unlike the people around her – I am here to tell you this:
“Stop trying to be like everyone else. Embrace your unique bad ass self girl.”
I am Different: But So Are You.
For a very long time, I spent almost all of my energy trying to live my life by everyone else’s standards. And it sucked. I wanted to look as beautiful as the people around me. I wanted to be as smart as the people in my class and the mentors I had for my career. And yes, I even tried to do things to be just as cool and “accepted” as the people around me.
That life sucked. So much.
Because what the heck is life about if not to enjoy it? And you can’t possibly enjoy your own life when you spend so much time trying to make it like everyone else’s.
At some point I realized that being unique was wonderful. And embracing the fact that I am different has allowed me to do so much more with my life.
I get to be myself, live by my own standards and actually feel confident about the person I am.
I can actually go after certain dreams that I know make me happy. I actually feel more fulfilled in my life because I live it being true to myself. And I just feel happier all around.
I want that for everyone in the world. Because once I accepted and embraced the fact that I was different, I stopped trying to live for other people and started trying to live for myself.
How to Love Your “I am Different” Self
If I could break it down – how I learned to love the fact that I am different – my list of advice tips would probably look like this:
-Get honest about who you are. Try reading my post about being authentic.
-Stop trying to do certain things for your life just to make other people proud.
-Give up pretending and holding back your opinion and start being vocal about your own thoughts. Speak your mind!
-Start thinking for yourself.
-Stop asking what the people want or think.
-Start asking what will make you feel happy and fulfilled.
-Let go of the thought of what other people think (get my free worksheet on learning how to let go of that if you need help)
-Let go of friends who don’t serve you (again if you need tips on this you should check it out here)
-Build your confidence by embracing the things that make you different.
-Practice self love.
Finding Happiness Because “I am Different”
The happiness you experience when you embrace your uniqueness is way more amazing than any pretend happiness that could possibly come from trying to live up to other people’s standards.
This is why personal development, self confidence building, and self esteem techniques are so super important to your over all life.
If you feel ready to make that big bold step for yourself and start redefining your life, then stop right here.
And check out the Perfection Program. This course can transform your worth and your confidence (not to mention your life.) All from the inside out!