When you feel like giving up on your life.

When you feel like giving up on your life.

A long time ago, I was the most miserable person on the planet. Hard to believe right? But I was. Let me take you back to 2011 when my life was a mess. My marriage was falling apart. I had a husband who was a drug addict. My financial stability was nonexistent: He robbed me of my savings.  I was an emotional train wreck. Depressed and an alcoholic. Drugs and sadness were the only way I knew how to cope with what was going on. My life felt like an unpredictable rollercoaster with bad things happening at every turn. I was in so much pain day in and day out, feeling like my life was completely out of my control. And all I wanted to do was stop the ride and get off. Yup. Suicide. Honestly, I was ready to surrender and give up. Because the moments when you feel like giving up can feel so painful, you will do anything to stop it. And I was at my breaking point.

But little did I know that this breaking point moment would become the most pivotal moment in shaping my future. It was the year everything changed for me.

Because when you feel like giving up, that’s exactly the moment when you shouldn’t.

When you feel like giving up - What is Perfection

When You Feel Like Giving Up

Have you ever reached a point in your life where things just get so difficult that you feel like life is not worth living? Maybe you have struggled through a serious breakup, a tough financial situation, or a really damaging traumatic experience that left you in pain. Maybe all of those things are happening at once, and you have no idea how to move forward and pick up the pieces of your life.

Whatever it is you are going through, maybe you feel lost – scared and alone and without any  hope for a happy future. I’ve been there. And I know it’s scary. But if you push through it, magical things can happen. They did for me.

In 2011 I embarked on an incredible life transformation that took me on a 4 year journey to self love. I completely purged my life of all the negativity and started recreating a new me. I developed new habits, raised my standards for living and found a completely new life that made me happy, confident, and full of love. It took me a long time, but I got there. And thank god. Because now I couldn’t imagine a more wonderful life. When I think back to the person I used to be and the life I had, it almost seems impossible. (My story is here if you want to know more.)

The moments when you feel like giving up are the moments that can truly shape your future. These are the moments where you have a serious choice to make about the direction your lifer is heading in: You can keep living the way you have been, or you can take massive action to completely reshape your future. I chose the second path. And everything in my life changed. Here’s how you can do it too. So when you feel like giving up, take these small steps to start changing your life instead of abandoning it.

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Take the wheel and start being in control.

If you find yourself in situations where other people are constantly affecting your ability to be happy, it’s a sign to start doing something different. No one should ever be able to control your happiness but you. So when you feel like giving up, ask yourself how you can stop relying on other people to bring you joy and start creating that joy for yourself. It’s the big important question to start shaping your future for the better and start heading in a new direction. If your on a rollercoaster if emotions and feel sad and frustrated – or mad at the world for all the shitty luck you have in your life – it’s time to put a halt to that bullshit. Stop letting other people dictate the choices you make for your life. Or better yet, stop letting other people make choices for you. When we let others take the wheel on our journey to happiness, we don’t ever really get there. So start driving yourself down that road and stop relying on other people to make you happy.

 

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Detox your life of all the negative

Before you can open the door to more positive joyful experiences in life, you need to first purge all that negativity. You need to make room for what you want by getting rid of what you don’t want. Start riding your life of all the things (and people) that don’t serve you. If an activity doesn’t bring you joy – stop doing it. If you have friends who take advantage of you – get rid of them. When you feel like you are too stressed by too many responsibilities – start clearing out your schedule. Take as much time as you need to make room in your life. When you feel like giving up on your life, start giving up the unhealthy qualities of your life instead. Because the more space you clear, the more true happiness you can create.

 

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Start expecting more and raise your standards.

Have you ever heard the expression, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for?” Well that’s how the universe works my friend. If you are constantly living life with low standards, you are never going to create a wonderful life. After all, if you are coasting by just hoping for “nothing bad to happen,” life is going to be pretty mediocre. The minute you raise your standards and start demanding more from yourself and the people around you in life, the more wonderful life can be. Stop telling yourself it’s selfish to want better things in your life. Because it isn’t. You can’t help other people if you can’t help yourself. And so by raising your standards and redefining what you truly want in your life, you can actually go start creating it.

cutehearttealwipRefuse to compromise your self-worth.

Learning how to raise your standards is only affective when you develop a high sense of self worth. Its a pretty simple concept. If you don’t love yourself, or if you live without confidence, how can you create an amazing life? And more so, if you don’t have high self worth, how can you expect other people to value you? The truth is how we treat ourselves is the biggest reflection of the quality of life we will create for ourselves. Stop setting for less than you deserve and start demanding more from yourself (and from others.) Build your confidence and develop a strong sense of identity. You can check out this post if you need help with this step.

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Most importantly, when you feel like giving up, remember: DON’T.

This is the moment where every aspect of your life can truly change.

You just have to be hungry enough for a better future.

You deserve it.

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I Can’t Believe It Sometimes…

I Can’t Believe It Sometimes…

I changed my life. And not just in a small “little change”ing sort of way. I changed my life in a big fantastic amazing bad ass wonderful way. That even still surprises me.

Like WOAH.

But it didn’t happen over night.

How do I sum it up?

Basically I went from being a completely lost human-being with zero self worth and tons of messed up life issues to being a person I am truly proud of.

Yeah. Big. But not an overnight transformation.

In fact, I started working on that change forever ago. But I guess I didn’t realize how dramatically different my life has become since then.

See, if you didn’t know already, yesterday I posted the news that Matt and I got engaged. I am still on cloud nine. (You can read about it here if you are interested.)

Ever since I shared the news of my engagement, I’ve been overwhelmed with so much love from the people in my life. Seriously.  I’ve been getting so many beautiful messages from people congratulating me and sharing in the happy moment. I just want to say thank you to all of you.

But there’s a pattern in the wonderful “congratulations” I am getting from people who know me. A lot of people are saying the same thing:

“You have been through so much, and you totally deserve this happiness.”

What’s obvious to me is that we all deserve to be happy in life.

But I guess the shocking part was realizing that yes, I have been through a lot.

And I guess I didn’t realize it until other people brought it up to me.

Getting engaged is always emotional… but reflecting on my past and how far I have come in my life made it even more emotional compelling.

 

Your words have got me reflecting on my life yo!

And now I am all emotional. Because as  happy as my life is now, my life used to be COMPLETELY the opposite of this years ago.

And I need to talk about it.

Because if I can overcome everything I have in my life, I want to use it to show other people in this world that whatever they are going through – they can overcome it too.

…. and I guess that’s why I’m feeling so appreciative of where I am today.

It seems crazy to think that the person I once was is actually the same person I am today. Really… It’s nuts. I changed my life in a major way. And it all started with self love.

I am a rape victim. A former suicide attempter. A previous mentally ill diagnosed girl who basically believed life was always going to be shitty.

I was depressed, hopeless and alone.

But I am not that person anymore. And it’s crazy to think about.

Even writing those words out in this post feels strange to me. Because today I am a person that is confident, full of joy, happy and inspired to live an amazing life.

I changed my life in a way that I never thought was possible. And if I can do that, you can too.

I changed my Life What is Perfection

Getting engaged didn’t do this to me. I did this to me.

I changed my life by learning how to love myself… and this engagement just reminds me of how far I have come. It is such a celebration in so many ways.

And so I decided I had something to say about it.  Because if it wasn’t for where I started, I would have never ended up here, happy, appreciative of my life, and so dedicated to helping women transform their lives.

I just couldn’t put it into words for an article. Words were not enough. So I made this video instead.


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How I Found My Inner Strength

How I Found My Inner Strength

I wasn’t always a strong woman. In fact, some days, even now, being confident and brave is still challenging. I’ve been through a lot of messy terrible experiences that made finding inner strength a very long journey.

In fact, if you put it all on paper – the story of the girl I once was – it would seem impossible to imagine that girl would possess  any confidence at all today. But believe it or not, I do.

My inner strength isn’t just a part of me: It’s what drives me every single day to make better choices and to live a higher quality life than I used to.

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See that picture? It’s a scary image don’t you think? Well, you may think so, but to me it is beautiful. I bought it at a school art show. At the time, I was only 17 years old. And I felt completely lost in my life. I remember seeing this picture in the hallway ay high school and being completely overwhelmed with emotion that I cried.

Ten years later, this picture is still inspiring me. Whenever I find myself struggling with a decision or a difficult experience, I can look at this picture and feel my inner strength pushing through.

This picture became a symbol of strength that carried me during some of the most difficult times in my life. It coined the phrase “What is Perfection,” that would become my first tattoo. Twelve years later, it would inspire this blog and my self improvement company that bears the name.

When I think back to the girl I was when I first saw this picture, I can’t even relate to her. She was weak, lost, insecure and alone. Somewhere between then and now I found my inner strength. And after everything I have been through – if I can do that, you can too.

 

How I Found My Inner Strength

It isn’t easy to pinpoint the moment everything changed in my life. For a very long time I played the victim of my own identity. When bad things happened to me I would tell myself that my life was meant to be sad and miserable. And I was convinced that I had no ability to change it. When traumatic things happened in my life, I interpreted them in a negative way. I saw my experiences as reason to discredit my moral beliefs: The world wasn’t full of love like I thought it was. It was full of hate.

And slowly my self worth dissipated. Because time and time again I was left hurt and broken by other people. “You are worthless,” I would tell myself.

To be a strong independent person is to say you possess the resources, the mentality and the physical capability to overcome difficulty. You have the moral and intellectual ability to overcome tough times without becoming jaded or bankrupt of your own values and beliefs.

I was never really any of those things. Until I had to be.

Flash forward to when I was 22. I had an unhealthy marriage, and was still lacking confidence and inner strength. My heart was telling me to walk away from my relationship. I knew it was wrong for me, but I felt scared. I didn’t really have anyone who supported me back then. And I knew that if I was going to make the decision to walk away, I was going to have to do it on my own.

So I did.

This is the best way I can describe how I found my inner strength: I made a decision that forced me to find it. I made a choice for my own life with no one else to guiding me. The minute I did that, a flicker of my inner strength appeared. It was like a light bulb turned on in the middle of a very dark world.  I could see the light in the distance for a little while, and then it flickered off again.

After that big decision, I had to trust my instincts. I had to guide myself through the dark and head towards where I thought that light of inner strength lived. Every time I walked closer and closer, the light would flicker again as a reminder that I was heading in the right direction.

Eventually, I would reach it, grab it, and hold on to it for the rest of my life.

That is how you find inner strength.

You make a big decision for yourself independently. You start to trust your gut and listen to your heart. The more decisions you make for yourself, the closer you will get to that light of inner strength. You just need to keep pushing through the dark.

If you are looking to find your inner strength, you need to first take a leap of faith in the darkness. You need to believe in yourself, even just a little bit. So find the courage to make a decision for yourself.

Once you do, everything changes.

Need help finding your own inner strength? Read more tips on how to over come adversity here.

Want to overcome fear? Come check out this post on learning how to let go of fear.

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Why am I So Unhappy…..?

Why am I So Unhappy…..?

I used to ask myself that question all the time. And if you’re reading this, you might be asking yourself that question too. But “Why am I so unhappy?” is such a loaded question sometimes don’t you think?

So in order to help you answer it, let’s rewind things a bit for a hot minute. I want to tell you about my life before  I learned how to love myself. Not because it’s an exciting story or anything, but because back then  I was asking that question all the time. I’m not kidding. “Why am I so unhappy?” was the constant mystery of my life that for a while went unanswered.

 

 

Why Am I So Unhappy?

I’m not going to lie to you. There were moments in my life where the answer to that question was obvious. It’s easy to know why I am so unhappy when so much is going wrong in my life – that’s pretty much a given. And back then, feeling ugly, having a horribly unhealthy love life and hating my job were all clear sources of my sadness.

 

 

But then there were other times where my unhappiness felt almost like an anomaly. I would feel sad and unfulfilled in my life but I would also feel like I had no idea why.

And it’s really difficult to fix your sadness when are you aren’t really sure if you even “should be” sad in the first place.

Why am I so Unhappy What is Perfection

 

Why Am I So Unhappy When Everyone Is Telling Me I Should Be Happy!

A big problem with trying to overcome those sad blues (especially when you don’t really understand why you have them) is the feed back you get from other people. There were so many times in my life when I would reach out to a friend and tell them how I was feeling, and all I would hear back from them was, “but you have so much to feel happy about!” It was almost like they were telling me I was wrong to feel sad. And that made everything SO much worse.

I didn’t want to hear I was wrong for feeling certain way. I wanted to hear how I could fix it! So if you’re like me, and you’re sick of hearing your friends tell you that you shouldn’t feel unhappy, I’m here to tell you otherwise.

Consider me your BFF sitting with you at the bar helping you wash away all your troubles.

Here’s how you do it.

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How to Go from “Why Am I So Unhappy” to “Here’s How I Can Change That”

Step One: Recognize that your feelings are valid. You are never going to fix a problem if you keep telling yourself that you don’t really have a problem or that if you do,  you really shouldn’t. I don’t care what any of your friends tell you. You don’t have an imaginary problem. You don’t need to just “put on a happy face.” If you are constantly trying to answer the “Why am I so unhappy” question, then you need to acknowledge that something needs to be fixed. Figure out what it is. And do it.

Step Two: Shut out the people who are telling you that you should be happy. Have you asked people “”Why am I so unhappy” only to be told your an idiot for feeling that way? Do you confide in people about your sad blues only for them to tell you things like, “but your boyfriend is so awesome!” or “But you have a great job and a great family!” Shut those people out and stop confiding in them. Other people think your life is great? Good. Good for them. But not good for you. Because if you aren’t happy about those things, then what other people say really doesn’t matter. Other people don’t have to live your life. Only you have to live your life. Stop asking those people “why am I so unhappy” and start asking yourself instead.

Step Three: Figuring out what exactly is wrong with the “good” areas of your life.  Okay, so let’s look at those areas of your life for a minute. You know, the areas of your life that everyone else thinks are so awesome but don’t leave you feeling happy; what’s going on? I always tell clients who are trying to find their happiness to dig deep into the root of the problem. Don’t ignore it: Discover it. Take out a pen and paper and start making a list of all the things you “should” feel happy about or “want” to feel happy about (those may be two different lists by the way) And for every one of those things, figure out what exactly is missing. List out all the issues you have with that area of your life so you can see them right in front of you. You can use my free E-guide at the bottom of this post for guidance!

Step Four: Discover what is missing in your life. A lot of the times when we have a lot to feel grateful about, we can’t feel happy because we are missing something in our lives. If our careers are great, we may feel unhappy because we are lonely. If our relationships are great, and we should feel happy because we have a wonderful person to love us, we could be feeling sad because we aren’t taking time to care for ourselves. Think of what you are longing for and ask yourself if life feels off balance. It could be the source of your unhappiness.

Step Five: Take action and make a change that is within your control. Finding confidence and happiness is a long process. But it never starts by just sitting around and moping. When you look at that list and see all the reasons you feel lack-luster or unfulfilled in your life, ask yourself what you can do to change it: What steps can you take to change your circumstances? Once you see all the small things you can do to reshape your life and feel better, go through that list and start making small changes. So stop asking yourself “why am I so unhappy” and instead, ask yourself, “What steps can I take to change that?”

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Do you need extra help? Do you want to make a big crazy change and completely transform your life?

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Every time I write about self-confidence, I think about that awesome Demi Lovato song. “What’s wrong with being confident? Whats wrong, what’s wrong, what’s wrong with being confident?” Well I’m here to tell you what’s wrong with being confident. It’s hard to be. That’s what’s wrong with it. Why can’t it be easier?! Demi Lovato is a super sexy goddess who embraces her curvy figure and loves herself. And we should all feel that way. But figuring out how to stay confident while losing weight is like, the biggest challenge ever. So let’s talk about it so we can figure out how to stay confident while losing weight and feel awesome about ourselves like Demi Lovato says we should.

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Most of us try to lose weight so we can feel better about ourselves. We want to change our bodies so we can grow our self-esteem and boost our “feel good vibes,” am I right? But if you’re on that weight-loss journey hoping that you’ll feel confident later on when your 5 pounds lighter or a few sizes smaller, you are failing yourself, and you are failing my girl-love Demi.

You can’t wait to feel confident. If you wait, it will never happen. You need to feel confident now.

Are you the girl who is weighting to wear that sexy outfit in her closet because she needs to lose five more pounds?

Are you putting off going on that date because you aren’t exactly as fit as you want to be?

Are you avoiding the mirror in the morning or wearing lose clothes because you don’t believe you look good?

Stop it. Stop it right now.

If I could see you through the computer screen I would punch you.

Just kidding, I love you.

But seriously stop.

If you aren’t confident now, you will never be confident. Practice self love now, so you can find that “I can do it” confidence that you need to push you towards your goals!

how to stay confident while losing weight setting goals the healthy way what is perfection

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Step One: Stop Waiting. Your first step in learning how to be confident while losing weight is to stop PUTTING OFF THINGS. If you want to feel more beautiful, do things that make you feel beautiful! Dress nice. Go out and socialize. Do your makeup. Style your hair. Shave those legs for christ-sake!

Do whatever it is you would normally do if you were your ideal perfect body weight.

Step Two: Embrace The Qualities that Make You Beautiful Now. You need to be confident in who you are. You need to feel beautiful so that losing weight is just an added bonus to your wonderful confident self. If you are constantly relying on losing weight as the one thing to make you feel good, you will be failing yourself for the rest of your life.

To embrace your sexy goddess self, try journaling all the ways you are beautiful. Make a list of all the reasons you deserve to feel good about yourself. Embrace that list and keep it in a place where you will see it often.

Final Step: How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Step Three: Stay Motivated on Your Journey. I have a ton of practices that I use for boosting my self confidence when I am trying to lose weight. But the one thing that really keeps me motivated on my weight-loss journey is journaling. I make a list of all the reasons I deserve this goal I want, and I dig deep and figure out exactly how this goal will enhance my life. I don’t just focus on the number I see on the scale.

I get crystal clear and laser-focused on the feelings I am trying to achieve, the way my future will look and the changes that will occur in my life when I reach that goal. When you envision the future, anything is possible.
Need extra help? Check out this post on weight-loss goals to get the free Goal setting guide to keep you motivated!

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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