My Crazy F**ked Up Life Story.

My Crazy F**ked Up Life Story.

Can you tell me more about your journey? How did you get to where you are?

I got this beautiful message in my Facebook inbox this week from a girl wanting to know how I got here. I sat on this message for two days totally stumped on how to answer her.

How the hell did I get here?

It’s not that I don’t know, it’s just that responding and answering this in a short couple of sentences in messenger seems almost impossible to me. I have been through so much in my life. Even though I am life coach and business coach today – it took me a very long time to get here. And to tell the story of how it all happened I knew I was going to need way more than just a couple of text messages. I needed a full on blog post. So here it is. Everything you need to know:

My Crazy F**ked Up Life Story of How I Got Here

Like most light workers, I was born into this world feeling like I didn’t fit in. I always felt older than everyone around me and it made it really hard to deeply connect and form friendships. But also like most light workers, I had a series of really terrible and tough experiences that for a shot time left me jaded. Looking back I believe all of those hardships were put there in my life for a reason: So I could learn, grow, heal, and then eventually coach. So no wonder that’s where I am.

Let me take you back to where it all started.

My Crazy Childhood.

I started to feel out of place at a really young age. I had terrible bullies during grade school – mostly boys – who picked on me for being ugly, chubby, and as an italian girl – a little extra hairy. I felt so alone. (read my bully post if you want to know more)

I spent most of my days at recess sitting in the piano room alone writing music and brainstorming my big girl dreams in a journal. Looking back, that was kind of an early stage sign of my passion about writing. I had such an unhealthy body image back then, but this time in my life was also the start of my unhealthy relationship with men. I wanted desperately to have a boyfriend who could make me feel pretty and safe. I started pouring my attention and energy into trying to attract a boy and getting him to like me. When it didn’t work in my private tiny little Catholic School, I found a boy outside of that environment who took an interest in me.

His Name was Mike. He was 17 and I was 13, which of course has some big red flags. I was naive and inexperienced. He was aggressive and had been around the block a few times. He wasn’t good news. One night I was babysitting my sisters, he broke into my house with six of his friends and attacked me. When he left I was bruised, in tears, and robbed of my stereo and jewelry. I pretended like it never happened.

Teenage Fog.

Pretending something big, traumatic and very adult didn’t happen in my life wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I went through high school and actually didn’t ever feel anything come up surrounding the assault. I wouldn’t consider it a suppressed memory, since I knew it had happened, but the emotions weren’t there. At least not usually. When they surfaced or got triggered from time to time, I would drink or cut my arms to feel something other than the past experience I had. I forced myself to live in fog. It was almost like I watched something happen in my past rather than actually having experienced it. Emotional detachment at it’s best.

Raped on Campus.

My freshman year of College I was raped by someone I knew. It was nearing Easter Vacation when it happened, and it turned my world BLACK. Everything I experienced as a young 13 year old girl started to surface, and the trauma consumed me. I suddenly developed severe emotional issues. I couldn’t sleep. I was taking drugs and using alcohol aggressively to cope with the heavy overwhelmingly painful feelings I was experiencing. I developed manic tendencies and became extremely reckless in my decision making. Part of me wanted to die. All of me wanted to forget. So I tried to. (see this post)

Overdose.

I attempted to kill myself and ended up in the hospital. When I woke after about 10 hours or so of being unconscious, the man who rapped me sat by my bedside with a teddy bear. I always wondered if he was feeling remorseful in that moment seeing me there near death, or if he was trying to keep me from telling the doctors what had led me to this decision to try and end my life. Surprisingly, I was sent home. When I tried a second time, I was mandated into an inpatient treatment program. I left college and spent weeks in a psychiatric ward.

Diagnosis.

Bipolar Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder. Anxiety. Depression. These were words I would hear for the next seven years as Doctors tried to find the medication cocktail that worked. I was numbing my body from experiencing and dealing with what had happened, and it was exploding out of me in the form of mental illness. I wanted it to go away. Pills did that. My mental illness was the problem  – not my life – right?

Finding Husband.

I left that university, came home, and spent the next years of my life trying to feel safe. I enrolled in a local collage, and spent the rest of my college years burying myself in school work, and I found an older man to keep me safe. We got engaged. I got a job working for a National News Broadcast. I did all of this while ignoring my trauma and popping pills to treat my mental illness. About a few months after we were married – I found out he was a series liar and a drug addict. Our relationship turned abusive. Why is this happening to me? I kept asking. The universe kept sending me trial because I wasn’t facing my shit and was trying to run from it instead. So when we got married and he turned out to be a heavily addicted drug addict – I think it was the universe’s little love note to me that I needed to stop running.

Rock Bottom and Alone.

When the world hands you a bunch of chaos, you have two choices. You can sit there and say, “yup, this is me and my life sucks,” and sort of conform to the idea that everything will always be horrible. (This is what most people do.) But what many don’t realize is that you have a second choice: You can do the work and fight for what you deserve. Walking away from my unhealthy marriage left me at rock bottom again – a place that I was very familiar with. Having been there so many times before, It was almost felt like that was where I was supposed to be – as if to say, rock bottom was just how life was always going to be.

I was labeled with a mental illness, had a serious of traumatic experiences in my laundry list of accomplishments, and I was broke, Who will love me now? was the big impending fear-based question. What I didn’t realize back then was that I needed to love myself first if I was ever going to get someone to treat me with love.

Rock bottom was only familiar because I wasn’t facing any of my bull shit or doing any of the work around my trauma. And I kept falling into Rock Bottom because I was never actually facing my shit. I was just trying to run from it hoping that one day I would run so far that it would be gone. It never goes away. No matter how fast you run.

Returning Home.

Over the next five years I started to change. I was ready. And even though i didn’t know how exactly to make that happen, I knew that not knowing how was okay. The universe would show me the way so long as I was ready. So I decided to jump. Slowly, I started to shed the old me. I made a list of all of my bad habits and decided to start shedding them one by one.

Smoking Cigarettes
Drinking Hard Liquor
Drinking Wine
Drinking anything I can get my hands on
Prescription antipsychotics
Prescription anxiety pills
Prescription pills just for fun

I decided that if I was going to work through all my bullshit I needed to do it in full authentic feeling – I Couldn’t be numbering myself. So my slow transition into sobriety begun. I spent a great deal of time shedding the negative -since there was so much of it in my life. When that was done, I had room to replace and repair what was left with positive love and emotional education. I went to the bookstore and started studying on my personal development journey. During my down time at work in my corporate job, I would study Tony Robbins, Gabby Bernstein and Wayne Dyer.

I lost everything in my life. And I lost it multiple times. The process of finding my way back to who I truly was meant to be took me a long time – I spent five years trying to fix and repair my life after all of this. But in the process of losing myself, I gained so much more: I was able to become the person I was meant to be.

Here’s what happened – in the process of finding my authentic higher self,  I realized my old life no longer served me anymore. Suddenly my job and my career felt so inauthentic. I was screaming in my soul feeling like I was ready to leave and unleash a new me. I had to walk away from my corporate world. I was ready to branch out. I just had no idea what was next.

My coach now told me this quote I remember in times like this: “When you find your authentic truth, everything around you that is inauthentic falls apart.” It is so true.

When you shed your old self and you start to heal, something magical happens – your intuition starts to speak to you. And here, in this case, my intuition and higher self were screaming “leave your job.” — your inner voice sometimes doesnt seem like it makes much sense. I was living in Manhattan and had a steady income at the time – walking away from my job seemed to make no sense at all. I ignore the urge for a while, but it got to a point that I couldn’t NOT listen. I had to jump. And so I did. ( I wrote about it here.)

Vulnerability.

At first, I had a great deal of healing to do when I walked away from my job. It was kind of the final last straw of shedding my old self – the one final thing I needed to let go of. But as exciting as that shift was, it still hurt. I felt like a failure. I felt like a fraud. I felt like I had given up on a passion for my corporate job – a passion that once was very much alive. I was sad to walk away but at the same time I knew it was right. My soul was calling me for something bigger. The minute I started to listen – everything changed.

I didn’t know what was next. All I knew is that I loved to write – and I was going to learn how to do it authentically in a way that allowed me to share my stories and make a difference in the world. A few weeks after I had quit my job, I was sitting in my apartment brainstorming website names for whatever big thing I was about to do (I had no idea what it was going to be.)

I sat there googling and looking around my apartment for things that represented me that I could somehow translate into a brand name. “I love journals dot com?” or how about “this color blue I’m obsessed with really rocks dot com?” Ugh I felt ridiculous. And then, there it was, right in front of me on the beautiful poster that I had been carrying around with me for years.

It all made sense. So I did it. When I started my website I had no intention of being a life coach. But through my spirituality I told the universe I would be ready to receive whatever it sent me. And boy was it sending me the signs I was ready to coach. As I shared my stories and started opening up on the blog, an outpour of people started to follow. Rock bottom wasn’t such a lonely place after all. In fact, so many people were there too, trying to get out, trying to figure out how to fix their life. And here I was having done just that, and they wanted to learn how to do it too.

Now my business – which started as just a safe space and blog for women who were struggling has turned into something much more incredible.

What is Perfection is note just a blog anymore.

It’s a transformation resource for women.

The Brand New Me Course teaches women how to have their own massive life transformations in 12 weeks.

Broken to Beautiful is a 30 day program that helps women heal through their breakups of unhealthy relationships

The Self Love Method Program shows women how to become life coaches and get certified in my coaching method.

My 1:1 Coaching 6 Month Program has helped so many women through their transformations in a private sacred space.

The WIP Tribe Facebook Community is a safe space for women to come together and grow during their healing journey.

It started with one small decision to listen to my heart.

Here’s the lesson here. Wherever you are right now is not where you have to be. You have the power to change anything in your life. If your soul is calling you to lead others – go do it. If your heart is begging you to heal yourself – go spend time and money working on that. Take your self love journey seriously. Do not ever compromise your worth.

Today I am happier and more full than ever before. I have an amazing wonderful future husband who supports and encourages me every step of the way. I have a beautiful purpose and a fully raw and open heart that doesn’t feel hurt anymore. I feel truly amazing and blessed to have gone on this journey and be where I am today. Had I not been through the trauma – I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing now – so remember – your life and your journey has a purpose. Listen to your calling and follow your heart.

xoxox

My Eating Disorder and the Valuable Lesson it Taught Me

My Eating Disorder and the Valuable Lesson it Taught Me

I never had a healthy relationship with food. Growing up in a big Italian family, food was always a center of any occasion. It was something we gathered around, something we joined together over. Something we used to celebrate and to show love. But as joyful as it sounds, growing up with a family that was very close, there was something eating away at my soul and separating me from truly celebrating those moments: My Eating Disorder.

lessons-from-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder

I never really knew I had an eating disorder. I couldn’t tell you how it started, or why it started, but I can tell you the moment I recognized my body as something that was bad and needed to change. I was Seven. Yep… Seven. My friend and I were talking about our new favorite dance classes. I told her I loved my Jazz class, and that Ballet was boring. Offended by my statement, my little seven year old friend told me “Well, you wouldn’t be good at ballet anyway.”

“You have to be able to suck in your stomach,” she said.

I challenged her … showing her I could force in all my breath– sucking in all the air I could muster…. “See! I Can!” I said with a smile. Then she told me what she was trying to say all along. “No. Not like that. I mean… you have to be skinny.”

My Eating Disorder And How it Evolved

Through the years that moment, my body perception haunted me. As I got older, I wasn’t really getting attention from boys like my friends were. I blamed this on my body. And I started to believe that maybe my friend all those years ago was right. After all, I did have a belly… and my mom did tell me to suck in my stomach when she took pictures of me and my sisters. “Maybe my weight is what is holding me back,” I thought.

I wasn’t incredibly heavy, but I wasn’t skinny like most of my friends either. It was kind of like I was in this middle ground… I was on the edge of fitting in somewhere — I just didn’t know where. And like most teenagers who suffer from an eating disorder, I believed that if I gained control of my weight, I would be able to find my place in life. I would get guys to like me. I would feel more confident. I would finally have everything a teenager girl wants: LOVE.

eating disorder what is perfection

So in an effort to want to find love, I started punishing myself. I cut my calories, kept journals to log every crumb of food that touched my mouth…. and every pound I lost or gained. But the extremes of my lifestyle – eating nothing and starving my body only made my weight bounce up and down from one extreme to another…  all the way into college. Gaining and binge eating, Losing and starving, it was like I was on this rollercoaster of extremes with no middle ground.

When I started to date this guy my first year of college, I felt like I was finally in a place where feeling good about myself was possible. I started to believe that maybe my weight didn’t really matter much. But then, our relationship turned ugly… he didn’t treat me right and totally destroyed my self-esteem.. Things got really unhealthy and abusive really fast. And as a result, life got pretty dark for me after that. I got really depressed because of the way I was being treated and my self-esteem totally fell through into the deep end. I felt out of control of my life being in an abusive relationship. So I decided it was time to switch schools and head back home. And as quickly as my eating disorder had left my mind, it entered back again full force.

I felt the lowest self-worth I ever felt… and thinking that there was something wrong with me that I needed to change, the only way I could feel like I had control over my life was by forcing my body to change… in any way possible.

I starved myself. I purged. I did everything in my control to keep food from entering my life. But my eating disorder was controlling me.  I started loosing my hair. I could feel my spine poking through my shirts. And I was cold… all the time.  I dropped to under 109 pounds, losing more than 70 pounds in four months. Sure my mom wasn’t telling me to suck in my stomach anymore…. but now she was telling me I looked like a skeleton. A ghost of my former self. And even then, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I was never going to be as thin or as beautiful as I needed to find the love I was looking for… because the truth is, I was looking in all the wrong places.

Me Eating Disorder What is Perfection

The Road to Recovering from My Eating Disorder

The road to recovery was long. I gained the weight back and learned how to lose it all over again — this time, the healthy way.

The most important lesson I learned was that my body wasn’t the thing I needed to fix in order to feel good: It was my mind that needed the true repairing.

I started educating myself on emotional eating and discovered principles I now teach in my online courses— Learning to let go of my insecurities about being accomplished or “being good enough,” and learning to actually just go after what I wanted for myself… without the fear that I wasn’t worth it. I started going after my goals in a healthier way.  And I uncovered the emotional compass that led me to set goals that were achievable, goals that were confidence boosting, not destructively unhealthy.

And mainly… most importantly….I started treating my body like something that was a reflection of who I wanted to be — not something that was holding me back from being beautiful.

Slowly, I learned to let go of my eating disorder, and let in love.

 

eating disorder what is perfection

I’ve realized something looking back on those moments where my eating disorder was strongest…

I was fighting to change my body because I believed that the world around me would change if it did.  I thought maybe if I was skinnier I would feel better about who I was by fitting in and getting the attention and love I was seeking. I thought what would follow would be a sense of true beauty that would keep me from ever being harmed or hurt by others.

But why did I think other people were holding the key to my ability to feel good about myself?  Why did I believe changing my body would change the feelings I had toward myself — and my worth? Why couldn’t I just make effort to feel better about who I was in general?

My eating disorder taught me that finding love is about figuring out how to love yourself first. Feeling confident doesn’t come from other people. Feeling beautiful never follows any physical transformation unless you yourself embark on the emotional journey required to get there.

To all the girls out there struggling to find the body they are looking for — the body they think will bring them amazing love, or a larger amount of happiness than they already have…. the key to changing everything, starts within you…. 

How to Break a Bad Habit Forever

How to Break a Bad Habit Forever

Full disclosure: I have some pretty bad habits up my sleeve. Some that I am holding onto for now, because I am not ready to commit to the step of letting go, and others I have been trying to quit for years. If you’re honest with yourself, I’m sure you could admit to having a bad habit or two no matter how close to perfect you are.

The question is how do we kick butt and remove an unhealthy habit from our lifestyle? And how do we find the passion and drive to stay committed to quitting a bad habit?

How to Quit a Bad Habit

PART ONE: Steps to Getting Rid of a Bad Habit

Step One: Acknowledging your bad habit it is holding you back. Ask yourself this important question: “How is this bad habit negatively effecting my lifestyle?” When I was a heavy drinker, for example, I needed to recognize that drinking too much was really preventing me from living the life I truly deserved. I knew this. But I guess  I didn’t want to admit it. So I made myself admit it. I got out a pen and paper and I made a list.

Set Two: Make a list of all the reasons your unhealthy habit is negatively influencing you. I’ll give you an example from my personal life just to help you on your own self discovery process. I used to be a heavy drinker. How did I change that? First, I recognized that my drinking was negatively affecting me. Then I listed all the reasons how it was actually doing that. When I was drinking heavily,  I was feeling behind on my weight-loss and healthy goals. I was also holding myself back from emotional balance because whenever I was drinking heavily, I had a hard time relaxing and being present. Most importantly (the biggest eye opener of them all) my heavy drinking was effecting my relationships with others: I would fight a little more often with my boyfriend and my sisters when I was under the influence. And that was a big no no for me. Making that list really made me want to give up drinking. I couldn’t deny the truth when it was staring me in the face.

Step Three: Figuring out exactly what that bad habit provides you. It’s true though, we all get something positive from our bad habits. And we need to acknowledge that too. You cannot get rid of a bad habit without replacing it with a good one. So you need to ask yourself what that bad habit offers you and how it enhances your life. Do you smoke to relax? Maybe you drink to have a good time? Or perhaps you are an overeater who uses food to cope with anxiety. Whatever it is – figure it out.

Step Four: Replacing your unhealthy bad habit with a new healthy habit. It’s easy to pass up the idea of quitting a bad habit when we program our brains to think that the bad habit we love is actually adding value to our lives. But once we get real deep and honest with ourselves, we can recognize how that bad habit enhances our lives and then figure out a new healthy habit to replace it with. Maybe instead of drinking to relax you will go for a walk or meditate. Maybe instead of overeating to cope with anxiety you read a book or paint your nails. Whatever works for you is what you should do.

PART TWO: Finding The Drive to Change NOW.

Step Five: Discover the reasons why you must change this bad habit now as opposed to later on in life. Have you ever known someone who says they want to change but they never do? There is a reason so many people put off the idea of making a positive change for their lives: They don’t have the motivation to make that change NOW. Instead, they just keep putting it off. How many times have you wanted to start a healthy lifestyle and kept telling yourself, “oh I’ll start on Monday.” Or maybe you were trying to quit indulging on sweet foods but kept telling yourself that the holiday’s were around the corner, “Why not wait until after then?” Find the momentum to change your lifestyle NOW. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I don’t make this change NOW in my life? as opposed to two years from now, or next year or next week?” There has to be something about your situation now in life that will give you the urge and desire to take massive action TODAY. Find the reasons.. reflect on those reasons.. and push yourself forward.

Step Six: Implement new healthy habits. Remember how I said bad habits stick around because we get something good from them? What do you get from your bad habit right now? You have to be getting something good or else you wouldn’t be keeping that bad habit around! Does your bad habit relax you? Maybe it gives you something to do and keeps you busy when you are bored. Perhaps your bad habit has become such a routine part of your life that you don’t even remember what that good feeling is that you got from it. Dig deep. Figure it out. You can’t give up a bad habit without replacing it with something new. That’s just the truth. If you don’t find new ways to feel good, you’ll just give up a bad habit, feel bad, and then go back to it! So don’t do that.

 

All of these Steps and more for sustainable bad habit kicking are outlined in my free E-Guide. Come grab it by clicking the button below and start making positive changes to your life today!

badhabitsquittinge-guide

 

 

IS IT LOVE OR AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

IS IT LOVE OR AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

I’m going to make this simple today. Because for a topic that is so super complicated, being clear and to the point is really important here.

As a Relationship Recovery expert I see a lot of girls struggling to recognize when their relationships are really bad for them.

And I totally get it.

I’ve been there too.

I run a whole group dedicated to helping girls like this (join the community here if you haven’t already.)

We don’t always go into a relationship with low self worth, am I right? But when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship – we slowly start to feel “less than.” Know what I’m talking about? Good. Okay. Here’s a little check list I want you to go through today. Use this list to start figuring out if you’re romantic life is really just an abusive relationship in sheep’s clothing. Get it? okay. Here we go ladies:

 

Top Warning Signs that You are in an Abusive Relationship

lyellowline

 

He is constantly making you feel “less than” good about yourself.

If you are struggling to feel good about yourself on a regular basis, it’s probably not your fault. Nine times out of ten, when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship, we often feel crummy about ourselves too. It is really easy to let the quality of your relationship dictate how you feel about yourself. And if you are feeling less than or not good enough, then maybe it’s time to start asking yourself if your abusive relationship bears those qualities too.

He has you questioning your own loyalty, morals, or values.

I have yet to see a client that is a bad person or heartless partner. Yet, so many of my clients come to me feeling like they are! They actually start believing that maybe they aren’t worth anything better. Here’s why: an abusive relationship causes you to feel that way. Being in an abusive relationship plays tricks on your mind. Because if your partner is constantly being source of aggression, it wouldn’t surprise me if you fall down to his level every once and a while to defend yourself. Is he yelling at you all the time so on a few occasions you yelled back too? Or maybe he called you names and one day you suddenly snapped and called him a jerk face too (or probably something worse.) We try to defend ourselves by speaking the language our partners speak… and if that way of living isn’t in line with our morals, values, or beliefs, well… then we start feeling like we aren’t very good people. (and maybe we deserve this unhealthy mistreatment.) News flash: You are NOT to blame for your situation. And if your abusive relationship has you doubting how kind hearted or good you are, it is a big no no warning sign to walk away.

When you try to work on things and talk, it always turns into an argument.

Ineffective communication is a big red flag. It comes with the territory of being in an abusive relationship, unfortunately. When partners don’t communicate properly, it can really wear you down and start making you feel insignificant. I’ll give you an example: a client of mine was so deeply frustrated in her unhealthy relationship. She kept trying to communicate what she needed and wanted, but it always turned into an argument. She could never tell her partner how she felt without him yelling and screaming back. What happened? Well..she started to believe something was wrong with HER. She started questioning herself – “Why can’t I get my message across clearly?” “What’s wrong with me that he just doesn’t understand.” ….. If this is you.. just know – the problem is not on your side. It’s time to walk away.

You often feel like you want more than what you are getting in the relationship.

Let’s play off that example I just gave for a minute. That client of mine was trying to tell her partner that she needed certain things from him. And he wasn’t reciprocating. A loving healthy relationship should have healthy communication and sense of respect. Check out my post on How to Communicate if you need more help on this. But basically, what I’m saying here is that if you are in need of something, a healthy happy relationship partner should be able to work on giving that to you. If he doesn’t – well then bye bye!

You have lost a lot of your friends and feel very alone.

I’ll keep this one short. When we are in an abusive relationship, our partners may push us away from the people we love. It isn’t because we don’t love them – it’s because we are scared of losing our partner if we don’t distance ourselves. It’s a survival mechanism. And if you’re at a point where you feel like you are alone or without the friends you once had, it’s time to walk away.

OTHER WARNING SIGNS: 

The things that are important to you seem way less important to him.

You feel like a different person than you once were before the relationship.

You cry and yell more than you laugh and love.

You feel scared to talk or bring up certain things.

You changed your personality in the relationship

IF THIS IS YOU: START HERE

self improvement courses what is perfection

bluelineswhatisperfection

 

 

What I learned when I hit rock bottom.

What I learned when I hit rock bottom.

Rock bottom is the shittiest place to be.

And I guess, like most of us, I’ve hit it a few times in my life.

Before I was the “What is Perfection” girl, I was actually, the “What the heck is wrong with her” girl.

Because seriously, I was super miserable in my life.

It was so bad, that in 2009 I attempted suicide. 
My abusive boyfriend had pushed me over the edge. I had enough.
And I wanted to give up on my life.
So I grabbed a bottle of pills. The next thing I knew,
I was waking up in the hospital with a second chance.

I struggled for a really long time after that.

I knew in my heart that I didn’t want live my life unhappy and insecure.
And I knew there was more to living than hating life. I just had no idea how to change it.

 

 

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”

But sometimes, it takes you a long time to learn them. Sometimes rockbottom happens a few times before your life can change.

In 2008 –  I tried to kill myself.
In 2009 I spent the year in and out of psychiatric wards,
struggling with a drug addiction and suicidal thoughts.

I spent 2010 heavily medicated trying to numb the pain
and the fact that my husband was lying, cheating and using drugs.
in 2011, we went bankrupt.
Financially and emotionally broke.

I HIT ROCK BOTTOM. AGAIN.
So 2012 I decided to make a change.
I decided I was going to be a
BRAND NEW ME.
The moment I made that decision, 
Everything about my nightmare life changed.
-I stopped living at rock bottom.
-I landed my dream job.
-I left my unhappy marriage.
-Found true love.
-I bought a house.
-I got engaged.
-I kicked my addictions.
-I beat my eating disorder.
-I went off medication.
-I ran my first half marathon.
-I lost 60 pounds and took my first vacation.
I found true happiness.


Yes. All of those things happened to me. And they can happen to you too.

Because rockbottom is not permanent. Pain is temporary and all those silly cliches are actually sort of true.

The minute you make a decision to change your life, you can actually change it.

When you make that decision is entirely up to you.

Yes I completely transformed my life.
But it didn’t happen by accident.

It happened with hard work, determination, and endless endless drive to be the person I deserved and wanted to be.
I finally took a stand that year in 2012 when I hit rock bottom.
“The way you have been living is NOT you. YOU deserve BETTER.”
And I realized no one was going to hand me “better.” I needed to go out and fight for it.
If you are ready to fight for your life – don’t wait to go out and create it.

Stop hating yourself… start healing yourself.

I love you, believe in you, and want you to know, whatever you want,
you deserve it.