My Eating Disorder and the Valuable Lesson it Taught Me

My Eating Disorder and the Valuable Lesson it Taught Me

I never had a healthy relationship with food. Growing up in a big Italian family, food was always a center of any occasion. It was something we gathered around, something we joined together over. Something we used to celebrate and to show love. But as joyful as it sounds, growing up with a family that was very close, there was something eating away at my soul and separating me from truly celebrating those moments: My Eating Disorder.


I never really knew I had an eating disorder. I couldn’t tell you how it started, or why it started, but I can tell you the moment I recognized my body as something that was bad and needed to change. I was Seven. Yep… Seven. My friend and I were talking about our new favorite dance classes. I told her I loved my Jazz class, and that Ballet was boring. Offended by my statement, my little seven year old friend told me “Well, you wouldn’t be good at ballet anyway.”

“You have to be able to suck in your stomach,” she said.

I challenged her … showing her I could force in all my breath– sucking in all the air I could muster…. “See! I Can!” I said with a smile. Then she told me what she was trying to say all along. “No. Not like that. I mean… you have to be skinny.”

My Eating Disorder And How it Evolved

Through the years that moment, my body perception haunted me. As I got older, I wasn’t really getting attention from boys like my friends were. I blamed this on my body. And I started to believe that maybe my friend all those years ago was right. After all, I did have a belly… and my mom did tell me to suck in my stomach when she took pictures of me and my sisters. “Maybe my weight is what is holding me back,” I thought.

I wasn’t incredibly heavy, but I wasn’t skinny like most of my friends either. It was kind of like I was in this middle ground… I was on the edge of fitting in somewhere — I just didn’t know where. And like most teenagers who suffer from an eating disorder, I believed that if I gained control of my weight, I would be able to find my place in life. I would get guys to like me. I would feel more confident. I would finally have everything a teenager girl wants: LOVE.

eating disorder what is perfection

So in an effort to want to find love, I started punishing myself. I cut my calories, kept journals to log every crumb of food that touched my mouth…. and every pound I lost or gained. But the extremes of my lifestyle – eating nothing and starving my body only made my weight bounce up and down from one extreme to another…  all the way into college. Gaining and binge eating, Losing and starving, it was like I was on this rollercoaster of extremes with no middle ground.

When I started to date this guy my first year of college, I felt like I was finally in a place where feeling good about myself was possible. I started to believe that maybe my weight didn’t really matter much. But then, our relationship turned ugly… he didn’t treat me right and totally destroyed my self-esteem.. Things got really unhealthy and abusive really fast. And as a result, life got pretty dark for me after that. I got really depressed because of the way I was being treated and my self-esteem totally fell through into the deep end. I felt out of control of my life being in an abusive relationship. So I decided it was time to switch schools and head back home. And as quickly as my eating disorder had left my mind, it entered back again full force.

I felt the lowest self-worth I ever felt… and thinking that there was something wrong with me that I needed to change, the only way I could feel like I had control over my life was by forcing my body to change… in any way possible.

I starved myself. I purged. I did everything in my control to keep food from entering my life. But my eating disorder was controlling me.  I started loosing my hair. I could feel my spine poking through my shirts. And I was cold… all the time.  I dropped to under 109 pounds, losing more than 70 pounds in four months. Sure my mom wasn’t telling me to suck in my stomach anymore…. but now she was telling me I looked like a skeleton. A ghost of my former self. And even then, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I was never going to be as thin or as beautiful as I needed to find the love I was looking for… because the truth is, I was looking in all the wrong places.

Me Eating Disorder What is Perfection

The Road to Recovering from My Eating Disorder

The road to recovery was long. I gained the weight back and learned how to lose it all over again — this time, the healthy way.

The most important lesson I learned was that my body wasn’t the thing I needed to fix in order to feel good: It was my mind that needed the true repairing.

I started educating myself on emotional eating and discovered principles I now teach in my online courses— Learning to let go of my insecurities about being accomplished or “being good enough,” and learning to actually just go after what I wanted for myself… without the fear that I wasn’t worth it. I started going after my goals in a healthier way.  And I uncovered the emotional compass that led me to set goals that were achievable, goals that were confidence boosting, not destructively unhealthy.

And mainly… most importantly….I started treating my body like something that was a reflection of who I wanted to be — not something that was holding me back from being beautiful.

Slowly, I learned to let go of my eating disorder, and let in love.


eating disorder what is perfection

I’ve realized something looking back on those moments where my eating disorder was strongest…

I was fighting to change my body because I believed that the world around me would change if it did.  I thought maybe if I was skinnier I would feel better about who I was by fitting in and getting the attention and love I was seeking. I thought what would follow would be a sense of true beauty that would keep me from ever being harmed or hurt by others.

But why did I think other people were holding the key to my ability to feel good about myself?  Why did I believe changing my body would change the feelings I had toward myself — and my worth? Why couldn’t I just make effort to feel better about who I was in general?

My eating disorder taught me that finding love is about figuring out how to love yourself first. Feeling confident doesn’t come from other people. Feeling beautiful never follows any physical transformation unless you yourself embark on the emotional journey required to get there.

To all the girls out there struggling to find the body they are looking for — the body they think will bring them amazing love, or a larger amount of happiness than they already have…. the key to changing everything, starts within you…. 

5 Things to Accept that Will Actually Make You Happier.

5 Things to Accept that Will Actually Make You Happier.

I used to be the girl who tried to always feel happy. Now I actually don’t have to try at it. Surprised? It just comes naturally! Boom. Bingo. Success. Sure I have my off days like anyone else, but I have completely rid my life of all the self loathing and unhappiness that used to weigh me down.

It took me a really long time to become the person I am today. Going from insecure and unhappy to confident and fulfilled didn’t happen over night. Just like any other learned habit, it took time, practice, and a solid education about the art of self love. (see my online courses.)

When you are constantly trying to be happy, it seems like such a struggle doesn’t it? It’s hard to appreciate joy in your life when it feels like such a fleeting thing. Now I don’t effort it as much. Being happy is just something that comes naturally to me. And no I didn’t take a bunch of magic pills to make it happen. No fairy god mother tricks, no hocus pocus. It’s actually really easy to transform your emotional life. And  I did it by learning self love practices.

I often get asked what of all the things I teach in my courses is the most valuable. The answer – the art of acceptance. Learning how to shift your mind set to stop worrying about the things you can’t control and start focusing on actually making a difference in your own life.

So today I thought I’d take some time to share that content with you. It’s part of the Brand New Me course that goes live January 1.

Learning the art of acceptance is by far the best thing you can do for your happiness. But it is also the hardest.




5 Things You Need to Accept that Actually Make You Happier

You cannot change your family.

I love my family. But when I was trying to continuously get their approval and understanding about my life choices, I was miserable. When I was constantly trying to get them to like or agree with my opinions, I was never happy. There is something wonderful about learning to not give a F*** about what they think of your decisions in life. Surprised I’m being so harsh? Here’s the thing – when I stopped trying to get my family to approve of me, I actually was able to love them more! Learning to let go of what my parents think or whether or not my sisters are approving of my life choices actually allows me to embrace their love even more. Because then our relationships are not based on me trying to mold myself into something they want or need – rather our relationships become an open honest exchange of love and acceptance.

You will never get the world to approve of your choices.

When I look back and think about all the choices I made for my life based on other people, I kind of feel sick in my tummy. I picked a career to impress my parents. I turned away relationships because they weren’t good for my self image. I even turned away certain things I enjoyed doing because they weren’t “cool,” to the people I wanted to impress. There comes a point where you need to throw all of that out the window – especially as an adult. The minute I realized – “hey, I don’t care what other people think,” that was the minute everything changed for me and my life.

Mistakes happen and they are amazing.

I used to live so super fearful of mistakes. And even now it creeps into my personality on occasion. Like the other day when Matt and I were shopping for cleaning supplies for our new home – I became obsessed over the decision of picking the “perfect mop.” I spent 20 minutes in the cleaning isle making sure I made the right choice. It was a big WTF moment for me. Why are we so scared of making the wrong decisions in life? Decisions are AMAZING! Even when they aren’t exactly perfect! Every time we make a choice for ourselves, we are creating an opportunity for growth. If it’s the right decision – awesome, we grow with it. If it’s the wrong decision, boom. We learn from it. And we make a better decision next time.

Nothing is ever permanent.

Yup. It’s the truth. Money problems. Relationship problems. Health issues. You have the power to change absolutely everything in your life. All you have to do is make a decision – decide that from here on out you aren’t going to settle for things. Recognizing you are strong enough to move past whatever it is you are going through: That is when massive beautiful confident happy change happens. So get there. Realize that nothing is ever permeant and fight to let go and move forward.

You are the only one who needs to be happy with your life.

Case and point. F other people who don’t agree. F the approval. F the acceptance. Just be YOU!

I wrote this crazy post in the Facebook group yesterday about being a Unicorn that just reminds me of this concept here. Did you see it?

The unicorn did not become cool by trying to fit in. She became cool by dealing with you when you were seven and decided you were “too cool” to like her. And then years later, she became cool when you were an adult. And suddenly it became a trend to be a unicorn. BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS COOOL.  SHE WAS A UNICORN THE WHOLE TIME. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The point? Go be a unicorn. Let people hate you, think you are weird, make fun of you for standing out… Years later.. they’ll come back Super obsessed with your confident unique unicorn self.

Did you join the Facebook group? I hope you did! There’s a bunch of free awesome stuff in there!





I May Be A Rape Victim….

I May Be A Rape Victim….


Seems like that’s the only way to start this story.

So you know exactly what I am.

My credentials and credibility are right in front of you.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.


There it is.


That was probably easier for me than it was for you.

The harder part is deciding what to write next.

Because there a million things I want to say.

There a million things I want to tell you.

A million things you need to know.

So let’s start with the whole million shall we?

The millions of us out there who are victims.

The millions of us who have experienced a rape.


And I am just one of them.

Yes, I am a rape victim.

But I stopped living like one a long time ago.


And I’m telling the story.

 Since I’m sure you are wondering anyway.

Because so many are curious.

So few inquire.

“I am a rape victim”

I will say.

It’s a statement often followed by silence.

So powerful that few know how to follow it.

“When did it happen?”

“How old were you?” 

“Did you know your attacker?” 

So many wonder. So few ask.

So many are afraid to ask.



When I was 13 and about to start high school, I was sexually assaulted by six men at once.

When I was 19 and in my first year of college, I was raped by someone I knew.

Those are the years in the record books.

The years that make me a “rape victim.”

Those are the years you’ll look at, learn about, and come to a conclusion from:

“Yes. She is a rape victim.” This is proof.  

But what you don’t see on paper are all the other years in between.

The years that were taken from me.

The years I didn’t “become” a victim, but actually “lived” like a victim:

By trying to erase the memory of how I became one in the first place.

Trying to.

Because that’s what so many of us try to do.

For so many years.


Like the year after my first assault, when I was 14 years old and decided to keep it a secret.

Someone said, “you must have asked for it.” So I remained silent. 

Or the year after that, when I was 15, and pretended like it never happened.

Because the friends I told stopped being my friends.

And the adults I told didn’t believe me.  

 So I tried to stop believing it too. 

And then the years I was 16, and 17, and 18, and 19,

when I was finally able to convince myself

It never happened.

Because I just wanted to be normal like everyone else. 

But it did happen.

And when I was 19 and it happened again,

I just decided it didn’t.

Because no one ever told me “it’s not your fault,”

So I continued living like it was.

Living like I was a victim.


An attack is not just one moment.

It’s a lifetime.

It’s being raped of a childhood.

Being blamed for an attack.

Labeled as “a slut.”

Looked at as “a weirdo.”

Growing up unable to connect with others.

Spending years just trying to “be normal.”

Constantly ignoring a pain.

Continuously living in denial.

Never. Ever. Talking about it.


But this is is a conversation we need to have.

Because if we  don’t talk about it,

No one will learn.

Victims won’t heal.

Attacks won’t be prevented.

The stigma will linger.

Nothing will change.


But we need change.

Stop victimizing the victims and start helping them live and let go.

We can’t let go of something when we pretend it never happened. 

Stop silencing your children and minimizing their trauma.

We learn from you. And if you are ashamed, we will be too. 

Stop telling your girlfriends they “asked for it.”

We didn’t ask for it. We asked for acceptance. 

We need to stop punishing victims by silencing them.

Blaming them.

Belittling them.

Branding them.

Burdening them.

We need to stop doing all of those things.

And start letting stories be heard, understood, and accepted.


I hated being called a rape victim.

Because the only thing that ever made me a victim was

having to live

pretending it never happened.

For fear of being judged,



laughed at


Calling me a victim made me feel defeated.

It made me feel impure.

It made me feel less than.

Not because it represents the horror and pain of something I once experienced,

But because it made me feel like I should keep silent

and remain inferior

to my attackers

and to people who looked me differently because I was attacked.


Maybe I am different.

But it doesn’t make inferior.

Maybe I was attacked.

But it doesn’t give you the freedom to attack me.

Maybe you don’t understand.

But you should at least try to.

And sure, maybe I did experience something traumatic.

But I overcame it like a fuckin warrior.

And I am damn proud of that.

Because even though I am a victim.

I’m sure as hell not living like one.




Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course what is perfection


Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!


Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection

How to Move on After a Break Up

How to Move on After a Break Up

Get on those sexy heals and walk your gorgeous ass out of that unhealthy relationship girl! Okay, sure, it’s easier said than done sometimes right? Because learning how to move on after a break up can be a really hard thing to do. And it’s especially difficult when we are walking away from a relationship that we have been in for really long time right? I mean – it seems like the longer we are in it, the harder it is to find the courage to break away and move on.

Years ago, before I built my confidence and self love, I found myself single for the first time and struggling to feel good about it. Okay, “struggling” is a kind choice of words. I was emotional wreck! I was on my own for the first time in five years. The relationship I walked away from was unhealthy, abusive and emotional destructive. So here I was feeling lost and alone. “How the heck can I feel good about being by myself?” I needed to learn how to move on after a break up and rebuild my life. And no joke, it wasn’t easy.

But it was one of the most important lessons I could learn. So Let’s talk about it. So you can learn it too.

How to Move on After a Break Up What is Perfection


Taking the First Step and Calling it Quits

Majority of women stay in relationships way longer than they know is good for them. So many women I coach stay in their unhappy romances because they try to “make it work” or “fix the relationship.” They know they aren’t getting what they need from their partner, but they are hoping that if they work hard enough at the relationship then maybe they will.

If you’re one of these women, don’t be ashamed. Trust me. You aren’t the only one out there guilty of this.

This is how things usually play out:

First, you start feeling unhappy. It’s almost like something is missing in your life that you really want but don’t know how to find. So you start trying to fix the relationship and alter it so you can finally get what you need. You want the person you fell in love with long ago to be the one person that provides you everything you need. So you try to make it work. but then at some point you realize you can’t get what you want and you never will. So what do you do? Do you call it quits right then and there? Some women do.. but most ladies out there don’t.

Majority of women will think about the decision for a while before they actually make the choice to walk away. They start weighing the pros and cons of being single again to make sure it is the right decision.  We start asking ourselves questions like, “Should I do this?” and “Is this the right choice for me?”

Toying with the idea of becoming a single woman again is much like shopping for a new pair of shoes.

Before we retire our old worn out converse for a pair of sexy stilettos, we want to be sure we are making the right choice.

And so what do we do? We try them on first!

We start imagining what our routine would be like if we didn’t have our partner.

“What will my evenings be like?”

“Who will I call to tell about my day?”

“What will I do and who will I share my experiences with?”

And the scariest question of all – “Can I actually do this?”

You shop around the idea of being single in your head, and you imagine what walking around as single woman would feel like for you. Is it comfortable? Does it make me feel good? Do I want to make this investment?

And then you have a choice – you can either put those sexy single girl stilettos back on the shelf, or you can be brave and take that first step towards independence. And if you have taken that first step and are reading this post – you know first hand that it’s an uphill climb: Learning how to move on after a break up.

Steps for Learning How to Move On After a Break Up

Okay.. So you buy the shoes. You are a single woman again. Amazing! But it hurts right? I mean, just continuing with this shoe analogy for a second here, sexy stilettos aren’t exactly comfortable. Especially if you haven’t worn them in a while. It takes time to get used to a new life walking in new shoes. And sometimes we need help learning how to move on after a breakup. We need to heal, recover, forgive ourselves and strengthen those sexy single girl calf muscles! So here’s how you do it. Here are some simple steps for learning how to move on after a breakup.

Replace your negative thoughts.

How many of you out there have ended a long term relationship and think that you can’t find someone else? Are you blaming yourself for why the relationship didn’t work? Do you feel like a failed human? It’s normal to think that way. But you need to do your best to replace those negative thoughts. Make a list of all the things that you are scared of. Get clear about what negative thoughts are holding you back from actually moving forward.

You need to replace that insecure mindset with positive beliefs. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself, but you will never learn how to move on after a break up if you are constantly feeling unworthy of a better life. Get clear about what you believe and start to replace all your negative thoughts with positive ones. “I deserve better” or “I can find true love again,” are mantras you should be reciting every day.

Start believing in your new positive mindset.

It’s one thing to just repeat crazy chants of positivity, but it’s way more inspiring when you start to believe it. Find a positive thought about why being single was a good decision. Make a list of all the wonderful opportunities you will now have as a single woman. If you want to start believing that you actually deserve better than your unhealthy relationship, you need to come up with reasons why you are worthy. Ask yourself, “Why do I deserve better?” What is so wonderful about you that makes you worthy (and capable) of having something better in your life. Getting clear about those reasons will only help you in the process of learning how to move on after a break up.

Find support and encouragement.

This is a really important vital component of moving forward in your life. When you aren’t used to being alone, you will definitely feel lonely in the beginning. It’s only natural. Find people in your life who are supportive of your decision and hold on to them tightly. Spend a few months embracing those people who are supportive of your decision to end your relationship. And do your best to rely on your healthy support system for learning how to move on after a break up. If there isn’t anyone in your life that you feel comfortable relying on, you can always join my community support group. It’s a free group where I provide women the resources and tools they need to recover from their unhealthy relationships.

Start setting goals and making plans

In the beginning, you are going to need to keep busy. It is only natural that you will feel some empty-ness in your life once you become a single woman. Fill it with things that bring you joy! Start setting goals for yourself and your new life as a single woman. Did you always want to join a gym but felt like you had no time to workout? Well guess what – you are single, go do it girl. Start focusing on your own personal development. Learning how to move on after a break up is really about learning how to “be you” again. Find the things you enjoy, and surround yourself with them constantly. You can even make a single girl bucket list! You can check out this post about it and get the free E-guide for your single girl goals!

Re-Establish your worth.

It’s really easy for women to define their worth based on how much other’s value them. And when our relationships go sour, we start to lose our sense of self confidence. So when you start learning how to move on after a break up, you will slowly need to rebuild your self worth. Start growing your confidence and focusing on rebuilding your identity. And don’t just do it by keeping busy and setting goals.

Practice self-esteem building exercises. Start journaling more often. Take a good hard look at yourself and start figuring out what makes you wonderful again. Now I know this is a really challenging complicated step for most women learning how to move on after a break up. So if you feel like you are in need of guidance and want to completely transform your life, you should check out the Perfection Program. This is a custom designed self confidence course for completely transforming your life and growing your worth. Go take a look.

I hope these tips help! If you are still searching, try these other posts:


And if you need some more guidance, check out that sexy E-guide for making a single girl bucket list!



How I Found My Inner Strength

How I Found My Inner Strength

I wasn’t always a strong woman. In fact, some days, even now, being confident and brave is still challenging. I’ve been through a lot of messy terrible experiences that made finding inner strength a very long journey.

In fact, if you put it all on paper – the story of the girl I once was – it would seem impossible to imagine that girl would possess  any confidence at all today. But believe it or not, I do.

My inner strength isn’t just a part of me: It’s what drives me every single day to make better choices and to live a higher quality life than I used to.

inner strength what is perfection

See that picture? It’s a scary image don’t you think? Well, you may think so, but to me it is beautiful. I bought it at a school art show. At the time, I was only 17 years old. And I felt completely lost in my life. I remember seeing this picture in the hallway ay high school and being completely overwhelmed with emotion that I cried.

Ten years later, this picture is still inspiring me. Whenever I find myself struggling with a decision or a difficult experience, I can look at this picture and feel my inner strength pushing through.

This picture became a symbol of strength that carried me during some of the most difficult times in my life. It coined the phrase “What is Perfection,” that would become my first tattoo. Twelve years later, it would inspire this blog and my self improvement company that bears the name.

When I think back to the girl I was when I first saw this picture, I can’t even relate to her. She was weak, lost, insecure and alone. Somewhere between then and now I found my inner strength. And after everything I have been through – if I can do that, you can too.


How I Found My Inner Strength

It isn’t easy to pinpoint the moment everything changed in my life. For a very long time I played the victim of my own identity. When bad things happened to me I would tell myself that my life was meant to be sad and miserable. And I was convinced that I had no ability to change it. When traumatic things happened in my life, I interpreted them in a negative way. I saw my experiences as reason to discredit my moral beliefs: The world wasn’t full of love like I thought it was. It was full of hate.

And slowly my self worth dissipated. Because time and time again I was left hurt and broken by other people. “You are worthless,” I would tell myself.

To be a strong independent person is to say you possess the resources, the mentality and the physical capability to overcome difficulty. You have the moral and intellectual ability to overcome tough times without becoming jaded or bankrupt of your own values and beliefs.

I was never really any of those things. Until I had to be.

Flash forward to when I was 22. I had an unhealthy marriage, and was still lacking confidence and inner strength. My heart was telling me to walk away from my relationship. I knew it was wrong for me, but I felt scared. I didn’t really have anyone who supported me back then. And I knew that if I was going to make the decision to walk away, I was going to have to do it on my own.

So I did.

This is the best way I can describe how I found my inner strength: I made a decision that forced me to find it. I made a choice for my own life with no one else to guiding me. The minute I did that, a flicker of my inner strength appeared. It was like a light bulb turned on in the middle of a very dark world.  I could see the light in the distance for a little while, and then it flickered off again.

After that big decision, I had to trust my instincts. I had to guide myself through the dark and head towards where I thought that light of inner strength lived. Every time I walked closer and closer, the light would flicker again as a reminder that I was heading in the right direction.

Eventually, I would reach it, grab it, and hold on to it for the rest of my life.

That is how you find inner strength.

You make a big decision for yourself independently. You start to trust your gut and listen to your heart. The more decisions you make for yourself, the closer you will get to that light of inner strength. You just need to keep pushing through the dark.

If you are looking to find your inner strength, you need to first take a leap of faith in the darkness. You need to believe in yourself, even just a little bit. So find the courage to make a decision for yourself.

Once you do, everything changes.

Need help finding your own inner strength? Read more tips on how to over come adversity here.

Want to overcome fear? Come check out this post on learning how to let go of fear.


Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!


Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection