I cannot believe that in just two days 2017 will be over. It seems absolutely crazy to me. Maybe it’s the fact that time goes super fast when you are running your own business. Or maybe it’s because I hit so many big milestones this year. But whatever it is, I can’t believe that the year is soon over.
Seriously. Where did the time go?
Every New Year, I reflect back on everything that happened the twelve months before, asking myself if it was everything I wanted it to be.
Did I do everything I promised myself I would do this year? Did I actually achieve my goals? Was this year a happy year? Was it an “accomplished,” year?
It’s almost like I try to find that one word to describe the sum of 365 days. And this year, especially, it feels impossible.
To come up with that one “perfect” word to describe this past year doesn’t work this time around. It was happy and exciting, yes. But 2016 was also a year of big changes. It was a year of growing pains and hard lessons. A year where I grew into myself and What is Perfection blossomed.
But through all of that, there were some seriously important lessons worth sharing.
The most valuable life lessons of 2016
Not everyone is going to like you or the choices you make in your life.
I guess this is a lesson I learned years ago, but ever since I launched WIP, the universe started reminding me about this one – slipping in little challenges along the way. Like when I wrote about my rape and sexual assault on the blog, and got some pretty harsh feedback. Some family members thought I was being too open. I thought I was helping other people. Or the time when I took a big leap in my monthly goals last November, and decided to get real and more vulnerable in the WIP Girl Facebook Community Group. I was scared to be real and vulnerable at first.. because a coach, I think I’m supposed to be Perfect MYSELF, but the truth is opening up without worrying about being “accepted” or “approved of” is one of the best things I ever did for my happiness. Hence my post how to stop caring about what other people think of you.
Being successful at something means you are going to have to fail a million times.
Boy oh boy. As an entrepreneur, let me tell you… this is a hard one that I learned this year. It really is true when you think about it – the most successful people are also the people who’ve failed the MOST in their life. But because they fail so often, they force themselves to learn from their failure and grow stronger. That is success. And running my own company, I see that to be true now more than ever.
Even when it comes to personal goals – healthy lifestyle plans, or just trying to find happiness in a healthy relationship – whatever you are trying to achieve – it is okay to fail a few time before you get it right. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t successful or don’t have your shit together.. it just means you are working at learning the big important lessons that will make you a rockstar in the future.
The road to Perfection is about progress.
I have tried taking the journey to Perfection so many times in my life. I struggled with my self worth and constantly felt like I needed to be Perfect in order to be happy. That journey was a dead end. It got me know where in life. I now know the truth – and it’s what I coach other girls on accepting in their own self love journeys – when you embrace progress -rather than striving for perfection – the doors to an amazing beautiful confident happy life will open. It’s as simple as that.
Self Love is key to living a happy life.
Call it self love, self worth, appreciation, whatever. You need it. It ALWAYS needs to be at the forefront of your life. Because self love is the magical mindset where dreams come true. It is the place where you start believing that you can accomplish things. It’s the focus that you need to invest in yourself because you are “worth that big dream life you always wanted.” Self Love is the source of happiness. Without it – dreams never become reality. You need to love yourself enough to believe you are capable of doing whatever it is your heart desires.
And so, with that… goodbye 2016.
A long time ago, I used to fantasize about running away from my life. Seriously…like Wizard of Oz run away from home status.
I would imagine packing up all my things into boxes, quitting my unhappy job, abandoning my unhealthy relationship and just hitting the open road. At the time, I was so unhappy with where I was in my life. Suffering from depression, feeling taken advantage of by people, never feeling “truly happy,” like I saw other people were – My life just felt super messy and not worth living.
The thought of running away and starting a brand new life gave me chills back then.. The “I’m excited” kind.. not the scary kind. A clean slate, and a chance to start over seemed super rich with possibility. I could be someone different, create a whole new life, and finally be the happy person I always wanted to be.
But somewhere along the way, day dreaming about where I would go and who I would be would fade – and my day dream thoughts would turn to “let’s be practical Lauren,” thoughts….
“How would I pay the bills without a job?”
“Where would I go live if I didn’t know anyone?”
“What would my family and friends say if I just up and left?”
“I can’t just run away from my life… I have responsibilities.”
And then the sad thoughts would follow.
“This is it.”
“I can’t change my life.”
“I’ll always be stuck.”
“There is no way I can fix this.”
It was like I didn’t have a choice…
“It is what it is. This is just how my life is going to be.”
Boy was I wrong.
Changing Your Life isn’t complicated. It just feels that way.
The truth is, no matter how difficult life is, we all have an opportunity to take ourselves away to something better. It’s just a matter of being determined… and patient at the same time.
When I realized that I couldn’t exactly pack up all my belongings and hit the open road for a free adventure (okay, maybe I could but it didn’t feel like a good idea at the time) I found other metaphorical ways to have that fresh clean slate I was longing for.
Instead of running away from it all, I started asking myself how I could chase the life I truly wanted (without having to ditch my apartment, live out of a car and make a financial mess of myself.)
I realized there were simple ways I could get exactly what I wanted without having to do all that messy stuff. It was easier than I was making it out to be.
Creating a fresh new start for yourself is powerful.
And it doesn’t require you to pack a suit case and hit the open road. Finding happiness and learning to create your own “fresh start,” can be a really big game changer in your life.
Make a list of all the things that make you feel bad in your life right now. It could be a relationships, your financial situation, or your career. Those are the big heavy things that you are trying to change in your life right now. Figure out what they are and ask yourself what you can do to change them.
Let go of all the negative things that don’t serve you. If you are struggling to feel happy in your life, it could be time to get rid of a few people…. or maybe a few bad habits. Or maybe a little bit of both. Do some deep soul searching and figure out exactly what the negative things are that are holding you back from feeling happy and try to do your best to pick a new one each month to rid your life of. Breaking down these big steps into smaller monthly goals works wonders.
Take a deep look at yourself. Creating a big fresh start in your life isn’t just about weeding out bad influencers. The biggest life transformations start from within. And if you take some time to really look at the person you are and the qualities you have – you’ll soon realize there may be a few things worth improving on. Whether it’s your diet, your ability to keep a budget, or your lack of self love. Whatever those things are that you are “lacking,” be honest with yourself about them, and try to figure out exactly what you can do to enhance your life from within (and not just around you.)
Then, start your journey. posts on resolutions Pick a date on the calendar and consider this your “new life fresh start.” New Years is always a good time for that, part of the reason why I wrote these a while back. Figuring out exactly what day will be your “day one” and creating a life journey out of your self improvement is really a great way to make a change.. The road ahead isn’t going to be perfect, but that’s okay. Just remember – one day at a time, one small change at a time, and slowly, you will take yourself away to a brand new confident happy fulfilled you.
I used to be the girl who tried to always feel happy. Now I actually don’t have to try at it. Surprised? It just comes naturally! Boom. Bingo. Success. Sure I have my off days like anyone else, but I have completely rid my life of all the self loathing and unhappiness that used to weigh me down.
It took me a really long time to become the person I am today. Going from insecure and unhappy to confident and fulfilled didn’t happen over night. Just like any other learned habit, it took time, practice, and a solid education about the art of self love. (see my online courses.)
When you are constantly trying to be happy, it seems like such a struggle doesn’t it? It’s hard to appreciate joy in your life when it feels like such a fleeting thing. Now I don’t effort it as much. Being happy is just something that comes naturally to me. And no I didn’t take a bunch of magic pills to make it happen. No fairy god mother tricks, no hocus pocus. It’s actually really easy to transform your emotional life. And I did it by learning self love practices.
I often get asked what of all the things I teach in my courses is the most valuable. The answer – the art of acceptance. Learning how to shift your mind set to stop worrying about the things you can’t control and start focusing on actually making a difference in your own life.
So today I thought I’d take some time to share that content with you. It’s part of the Brand New Me course that goes live January 1.
Learning the art of acceptance is by far the best thing you can do for your happiness. But it is also the hardest.
5 Things You Need to Accept that Actually Make You Happier
You cannot change your family.
I love my family. But when I was trying to continuously get their approval and understanding about my life choices, I was miserable. When I was constantly trying to get them to like or agree with my opinions, I was never happy. There is something wonderful about learning to not give a F*** about what they think of your decisions in life. Surprised I’m being so harsh? Here’s the thing – when I stopped trying to get my family to approve of me, I actually was able to love them more! Learning to let go of what my parents think or whether or not my sisters are approving of my life choices actually allows me to embrace their love even more. Because then our relationships are not based on me trying to mold myself into something they want or need – rather our relationships become an open honest exchange of love and acceptance.
You will never get the world to approve of your choices.
When I look back and think about all the choices I made for my life based on other people, I kind of feel sick in my tummy. I picked a career to impress my parents. I turned away relationships because they weren’t good for my self image. I even turned away certain things I enjoyed doing because they weren’t “cool,” to the people I wanted to impress. There comes a point where you need to throw all of that out the window – especially as an adult. The minute I realized – “hey, I don’t care what other people think,” that was the minute everything changed for me and my life.
Mistakes happen and they are amazing.
I used to live so super fearful of mistakes. And even now it creeps into my personality on occasion. Like the other day when Matt and I were shopping for cleaning supplies for our new home – I became obsessed over the decision of picking the “perfect mop.” I spent 20 minutes in the cleaning isle making sure I made the right choice. It was a big WTF moment for me. Why are we so scared of making the wrong decisions in life? Decisions are AMAZING! Even when they aren’t exactly perfect! Every time we make a choice for ourselves, we are creating an opportunity for growth. If it’s the right decision – awesome, we grow with it. If it’s the wrong decision, boom. We learn from it. And we make a better decision next time.
Nothing is ever permanent.
Yup. It’s the truth. Money problems. Relationship problems. Health issues. You have the power to change absolutely everything in your life. All you have to do is make a decision – decide that from here on out you aren’t going to settle for things. Recognizing you are strong enough to move past whatever it is you are going through: That is when massive beautiful confident happy change happens. So get there. Realize that nothing is ever permeant and fight to let go and move forward.
You are the only one who needs to be happy with your life.
Case and point. F other people who don’t agree. F the approval. F the acceptance. Just be YOU!
I wrote this crazy post in the Facebook group yesterday about being a Unicorn that just reminds me of this concept here. Did you see it?
The unicorn did not become cool by trying to fit in. She became cool by dealing with you when you were seven and decided you were “too cool” to like her. And then years later, she became cool when you were an adult. And suddenly it became a trend to be a unicorn. BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS COOOL. SHE WAS A UNICORN THE WHOLE TIME. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The point? Go be a unicorn. Let people hate you, think you are weird, make fun of you for standing out… Years later.. they’ll come back Super obsessed with your confident unique unicorn self.
Did you join the Facebook group? I hope you did! There’s a bunch of free awesome stuff in there!
Got you angry there didn’t I?
Got you curious?
You clicked this post all revved up and heated, ready to hate me and probably blast me with a bunch of hate comments didn’t you?
I kind of figure that would happen.
And that’s why I tricked you.
So you would read this.
Caught your attention? Good.
Because whatever side you were on,
You need to take a minute and read this.
It doesn’t matter who you voted for.
If the title of this blog post got you fueling your hate fire over Donald Trump,
you need to keep reading this.
And if you clicked this article because you are happy he is now our president,
you need to read this too.
We all need to have a talk.
No matter what side you are on.
Or at least, I need to talk …. and you need to listen.
Because you’ve probably done a LOT of talking already.
A lot of yelling.
A lot of fighting.
A lot of defending.
And maybe even a lot of crying.
Now, all I ask is that you listen.
This is important.
YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT.
I have legit made ZERO comments about the election on social media.
And for good reason:
There was nothing I could say that hadn’t already been said.
At least until now.
And while I know I might regret speaking up here…
I think its more important that I do speak up.
I think that’s how a lot of you have felt these last few day right?
“I need to say something about how I feel,” you probably thought.
I can tell by social media and Facebook feeds.
“Why should my human rights be in jeopardy?”
“Why is this happening?”
“Why is there is much hate in the world?”
I’ve been seeing it since Tuesday.
You are trying to answer all of those questions.
You have no true answers…
BUT HERE’S AN ACTUAL TRUTH WE ALL NEED TO LIVE BY NOW:
Donald Trump is now President.
And the question shouldn’t be: “Why did this happen?”
“What happens next?”
What is Perfection followers visit this site for self love… but so many of them are full of hate right now.
Full of hate because of something they now have little control over.
They are letting it affect them. Eat at them. Worry them. HURT them.
So many people out there are feeling this pain.
They are Angry. Scared. Hurt. Confused. Worried. Frustrated.
These are the different feelings that so many different people are holding in their hearts right now.
BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE DIFFERENT.
And they are scared they will no longer live in a world where that difference is embraced.
Or protected legally.
Or at least accepted in society.
Or defended by human right laws.
Or at least trying to be defended by the people who run the country.
Or at least moving a bit closer to being protected and accepted.
Or at least trying to move our world in that direction.
Or maybe just at least not erasing the progress we have already worked so hard to make in this world.
They are LGBT members who want to be able to get married.
They are women who want their sexual rights protected.
They are immigrants scared of being deported.
They are muslims and hispanics worried that world now has a pass to discriminate against them.
Because of someone else.
Because of something they now have no control over.
Because of the election results they can’t understand, and the democracy they don’t feel protected by.
“We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal.”
It is 2016…
and more than 240 years later
We are still trying to interpret what that means and how to fight for that meaning to be recognized.
THESE ARE THE SELF EVIDENT TRUTHS…
THE TRUTHS WE NEED OT LIVE BY IN ORDER TO CREATE A LIFE OF LIBERTY AND PURSUE HAPPINESS:
1. CHANGE IS OFTEN AN UPHILL BATTLE.
And this is just part of that hill. Sometimes, you need to fight for what you want in your life. You need to work hard for what you deserve. Happiness is a liberty, but it is so often jeopardized. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness. It doesn’t mean you won’t have it. It just means that in moments of trial you may need to fight a little harder to get it.
2. YOU CANNOT LET FEAR TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE.
You cannot live for fear of the unknown. And we don’t know what will happen from here. So why spend these precious moments of your life worried or scared of what “may happen.” If you put your life on hold to stress and worry about what will happen next – you are failing yourself.
3. WE NEED TO BE HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE.
We are what we think about. If we are constantly spreading hate and anger – letting those things into our lives – we will only experience more of it in our future. We need to reframe our minds so that we can live in happiness. Every day we have a choice to be happy or sad.. and we need to actively choose to be happy. Because that is what we deserve. And no one is going to give you what you deserve if you don’t give it to yourself first.
THERE ARE DEEPER LESSONS TO BE LEARNED HERE.
And they have nothing to do with politics. They have to do with Ourselves.
If you live your life letting other people control your happiness – You will be failing yourself.
We cannot control the world we live in –
We can only control how we live in that world.
And living a happy fulfilled life, or a sad fearful angry one –
That’s your choice. That is always your choice.
No matter the president.
No matter the election.
No matter the year
or the time
or the place.
YOU WILL ALWAYS. ALWAYS. HAVE THAT CHOICE.
SO…. WHAT LIFE WILL YOU VOTE FOR?
Want to know how to be a badass? Well.. good. because we all need to be badass game changers in our lives. I got inspired to write this post a while back, after reading Jen Sincero’s “You are a Badass.” If you haven’t read it yet, you need to. You can check out this post, I wrote about the book if you want more details.
When I read the book last year, I was super inspired and motivated to write a follow up. But I guess I was too busy being a badass to actually take the time and write about being a badass. Yeah. I’ve been wanting to write this follow up for FO-EVA! It’s about damn time I share this with you
The secret lessons I learned from her book, and how to be a badass in your own life!
So What Exactly Is a Badass?
I’ve crafted my own answer to that question. Based on what I learned from Sincero’s book and my own life experiences, I’ve decided that being a badasss is actually a good thing.
It’s definition is a little complicated.
Basically it means your a person who grabs life by the reins and actually takes action. You’re a go-getter. A decision maker. A dream creator. And a game changer of your own life. You don’t let other people dictate your decisions, and you don’t live in fear.
Basically you go out and make happiness in your life without giving a fuck about what other people think.
You follow your heart.
Sincero puts it perfectly in her book:
“You need to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life.” — That’s a badass.
“If you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you have to do things you’ve never done.” Another “how to be a badass” lesson.
“You are (only) a victim of the rules you live by,” – So let’s change it and be an amazing badass rockstar shall we?
But just in case you don’t get the point already, let me just over emphasize this a minute:
We all need to learn how to be a badass in our live. We all need to start creating the future we want and take some big risks to go make it happen.
(Yes. Being a badass is a GOOD THING.)
The Secret Steps for Learning How to Be a Badass
Okay.. you ready? I am going to share with you the breakdown of everything I learned in Jen Sincero’s book. Not because I love writing book reports (I actually hate them.) But because I love you (my readers) so fucking much that I need to share this with you. IT’s GOLD.
Stop living an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.
This was by far the biggest wakeup call for me when reading this book and learning how to be a badass. Basically, we are believing and living life based on what other people tell us is right and wrong. And guess what? About 90 percent of it is bull shit. “You need a 401k,” and “You can’t be an artist that isn’t a real career,” blah blah blah. How many limiting beliefs do you have based on what other people have told you is right and wrong in your life? Go kill those beliefs. Dead them dude. Start living by your own rules.
If you think shit, you get shit. So get your head out of the gutter.
Stop complaining about all the bad things that have happened to you in your life and start focusing on the good things you want. This isn’t just for fairytale wishing and living in la-la-land. Positive thinking attracted positive actions and experiences. The more you continue to sulk in all your hardships, the more hardships you’ll have. Check out my post on the law of attraction if you need more.
Loving yourself is the key to all happiness.
Thank god I knew this one already. Or else I would be incredibly lost in my life. Self love is the key source to all happiness and good in your life. If you want to learn how to be a badass, the first step is DEFINITELY learning how to love yourself. Check out the Perfection Program – because that 30 Day course shows you how to make that self love happen in your life. But For now, just rely on this quote from Sincero’s book: “When we’re happy and all in love with ourselves, we can’t be bothered with the bullshit (our own or other people’s.)
Do not waste your time worrying about other people.
I could write a million sentences about this till I’m old and gray. But I’ll just share a line from Sincero’s book: “DO NOT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME GIVING ONE SINGLE CRAP ABOUT WHAT ANYBODY THINKS OF YOU.” (she put this in caps for a reason guys. She’s serious.) Instead, start focusing more on yourself, what you want and how you should go about getting it. Letting go of what other people think is a huge big important part of self love (not to mention it’s in the Perfection Program.) Check out this post if you want to learn exactly how to let go of what other people think.
Yup. You got it? Know how to be a badass now? Good. Go be it girl.
Oh.. and if you need more tips
Check out this post: