I was always one of those girls who was afraid to say what was really on her mind. Most of the time, I think it was because I was afraid of how I would be perceived by others if my thoughts or ideas weren’t in line with their views. To speak your mind can be an easy thing for some people — but for me, it wasn’t. Ever see that movie Mean Girls where all the girls go along with Gretchen because they want her approval? Yeah…. pretty lame right?
But when it came to relationships, I was especially quite. I was ALWAYS the one to go along with whatever my guy wanted to do. I felt like, often times if I was honest or clear about what I wanted, and I DIDN’T get it, then the disappointment would make me feel worse than if I just went along with whatever my partner wanted to do.
“What Movie Do You Want to Watch Tonight?”
“What do you want to do for dinner?”
“What should we do this weekend?”
Questions like this would make my mind wander — what does HE want? I would ask myself. I wanted to be easy going, and relaxed for my guy. I wanted to be the one to let him be HIMSELF and do what HE wanted. But what about me? What about my needs? And what about my originality?
Speaking your mind is so important to your authenticity and being true to yourself. As part of the Improving Yourself Challenge, today’s assignment is to stand up and Speak your mind! Find one way to be honest and forth coming about the person you are and what your needs are. Why is it important? Well…. that’s what today’s post is all about.
Speak Your Mind – How To Stand Up And Make Decisions for Yourself
Keeping Quite about what you are really thinking or want for you does a number of damaging things — to yourself, and to the relationship.
When you start making decisions based on what other’s want — then you aren’t making decisions any more! You aren’t being true to what YOU want, what YOU are looking for, and what YOU need. As a result, you stop growing. You stop being original, and you stop caring for your own needs because you are so focused on someone else!
There was a moment in my current relationship where I broke this habit. My guy made it clear that he didn’t fall in love with me because I had the same interests or passions as he did. He actually liked me because I was different! That got me thinking: If your partner doesn’t love you for being original, than it’s time to look for someone else to share your life with — someone who appreciates our interests even if they aren’t in line with theirs!
So here’s how you learn to speak your mind:
- Start making Decisions! They can be small choices like where to go for dinner or what to do on a cozy Friday night at home — but whatever it is, the more decisions you start to make, the more comfortable you will be with making the even bigger decisions in the future — like what type of new car to buy, or what vacation you want to take. Starting small by being honest about what you want will get you asking the important questions: what is it that YOU want.
- Stop Worrying About What Other People Think: When you worry about how others will perceive your desires or interests, you are making choices based on other people – and that’s no bueno. If you Speak your mind and quickly find yourself asking “I wonder if so and so thinks this is a good idea,” then you aren’t being true to yourself. Try to reframe your mind by quickly affirming to yourself – “This is What I want. This is MY decision.”
- Take Joy in Things that Bring YOU joy – not just because they bring others joy: The wording is complicated here, but it makes sense. When I was younger, I made choices for my life based on what I thought others wanted me to make – things like picking my career path because I thought it was something that would make my dad proud, or getting married because my family would be more accepting of my relationship, or even wearing certain outfits to work because I thought that my colleagues would consider me more professional if I dressed like them. But the truth is, I was doing all of these things because I was hoping to feel a satisfaction from someone else REACTION to my decisions. My CHOICES didn’t bring me joy at all — in fact, they were completely out of line with what I wanted. The minute I started making decisions because I knew they would make ME happy, and not someone else, I became more honest, more confident, and more happy. So When it comes to making a choice, try to marvel in the joy it brings you when you make it!
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