The Language of Love: It is different for everyone. The ways we are accustom to feeling love and showing love are different for everyone. And that’s what makes romance and love so exciting! We all have different and creative ways of expressing how we feel about the people we are about… but the fact that we all have a different understanding of what we recognize as “Showing Love” can make relationships complicated too.
I was reading up on this when Matt and I first started getting serious. Never having healthy relationship in the past, I really wanted to break the bad habits I adapted over the years. One of them: Never feeling like I was being loved enough.
It was really hard for me to admit, but I had a serious habit of always needing more than I was getting. It was clear to me in the beginning that I had found something special with him… but I still found myself looking for more out of the relationship than I was getting.. I wasn’t being loved enough in a way that I understood. I kept telling him I need him to be more affectionate, or more tentative to my emotional needs.. and it became incredibly frustrating to him…. and definitely put some unwanted pressure on our relationship.
When I realized I was hearing things from this great guy that I heard in the past,things like, “I don’t know what you want exactly,” or “I can’t seem to give you what you are looking for,” and then the ever painful, “nothing is enough,” I had to take step back and ask myself WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE? WHAT’S GOING ON?
And that’s when I started learning about Love Language….. “Showing Love and Getting Love,”
What is the Language of Love
Psychologist experts say there are 5 Languages we all speak when it comes to expressing ourselves. Some people show love with words, other people show love with actions, some of us… like me and Matt, sort of fall under a few of these categories. Our ways of showing love are really quite different… and at the same time… our ways of seeing the other is showing love to US are different too!
Showing Love and Getting Love: The Test
If you are having this problem with your relationship where you feel like you are missing something that you aren’t getting, it’s probably because what YOU recognize as love is probably not what your partner feels is his or her way of expressing it! Don’t believe me? Well.. We wrote it out to show you.
I asked Matt to help me with this exercise to show you guys how important the language of love is. We each took a few minutes to write out the Five ways we made efforts to show each other that we LOVE each other… These were the ways that we felt we were showing love to our partner. We each had different ways that we felt were expressive of our feelings. Writing this out and seeing how different our ways of expressing love were… it gives you a clearer picture that our actions are so different.
After that, we wrote up our lists of how we FELT the most loved.. Again… These were the moments we could think of where we felt we really BEING loved by the other.
Again… look how different these are! And now, for the big test in Showing Love and Getting Love, we took these lists a step further… putting them side by side And BOY was that something.
Look at how crazy different these lists are! For me, I feel the most loved when he tries to be intimate and expresses how he feels with his words… but on his list of TOP WAYS he shows love, those things aren’t even on the list! And how about his wants vs what I am providing.. I am constantly trying to express myself with words, but for him – he feels the most loved mainly by my actions – how I laugh or smile, or when I cook for him. It is crazy to see such a difference between our ways of showing love vs getting love.
I hope sharing all of this with you really helps you in your own relationship life. It is really important to recognize that each of us have our own needs and desires when it comes to our love language.. we all want different ways of showing love, and we all have different ways of recognizing that we are being loved!
This exercise is a great tool to help you widen your language and help you realize what it is your partner needs.
And a special thanks to my awesome guy for taking the time to write this out for me so I can share it with all of you! Again… one of his ways of showing love is by participating in my hobbies…. And he DID! Thanks for showing me love Matt!
See… he’s happy. Showing Love SUCCESS!
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