Have you ever had a moment of your life that felt like it truly defined you in a truly negative way? Maybe it was a serious break up that left you damaged. Did that break up leave you feeling jaded by love? Or maybe you were so deeply hurt by a friend. Did the experience cause you to put a wall up and keep other people at a distance for fear of getting hurt?  Perhaps you have failed at something in the past and formed a negative belief that you couldn’t be successful or accomplished. Your past effects your future. And sometimes, not for the better. When we interpret the negative things we have experienced as a reason to hold back from living, we stand in the way of our own happiness. Are you that girl? Do you relate to any of this? If you are.. keep reading so you can learn how to let go of the past and move forward in your life.

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I learned how to let go of the past.

And if I can. You can too.

I wasn’t always a self improvement expert. Before I started helping hundreds of women out there I needed to learn how to help myself first. And that wasn’t easy!

So let me take you back a minute to the person I was before What is Perfection.

I felt like I could never be truly happy.  I was constantly facing bad experiences, hurting from them and feeling like a victim of my own life. It all started when I was very young. I was abused at a very young age, sexually assaulted by six men when I was thirteen  (you can read that story here if you are interested.) But it wasn’t the experience that left me jaded – it was how I interpreted it. I saw this painful memory as something that defined me. To me, my assault made me an unloveable human being who was just meant to be used by other people.

And I never thought those things outright, but I certainly carried it in my subconscious.

I never let go of the past, so it followed me. And because I never fully let go of the pain, you can guess what happened.

I only experienced more and more pain.

So without letting go of the past, more bad things happened. And it seemed like I could not control it.  So I started to believe that my life was happening TO me, not for me.

I thought that the past would equal the future.

So in the years that followed, I lived life like a victim.  I believed that I was broken. I shut myself out from knowing other people and becoming friends with people who truly were wonderful and kind because I believed that everyone was out to hurt me. “No one could possibly love me,” I believed.

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Learning How to Let Go of The Past

When you hold on to a painful experience and let it define you for the rest of your life, it ends up taking you down a path you weren’t really suited for. Because I didn’t let go of the past, my life became a reflection of my negative past. Because i never healed from what I had been through properly, I couldn’t move forward in my life. Bad things kept happening because I was holding on to what I had experienced so many years ago.

But that wasn’t who I wanted to be. In my heart, I wanted to be a strong, confident and successful woman who was proud of who she was. I didn’t know that in order to do that I needed to first let go of the past. But once I figured that out everything in my life changed for the better. I became the determined woman I am today. I turned into a person who was in full control of her own life. And if I could do that, you can to.

I decided it was time to make a change. I healed, I recovered, and I let go of the past.  The experiences I went through where so powerful. And today I teach hundreds of women how to gain control of their lives and do the same thing for their own path.

So if you are one of the girls out there struggling to let go of the past, I wanted to share this post today and offer you some of the tips I teach my clients.

This is how I healed and recovered. And I am sharing them today so you can learn to let go of the past and you can create the life you truly want for yourself.

let go of the past - what is perfection


How To Let Go of the Past

Stop Believing that you are a victim. Start living a like a warrior instead.

This applies to any traumatic experience: relationships, physical abuse or other wise.. if you believe you are a victim, you will live like one. Don’t get wrapped up in the negativity. If you focus on the past you will make yourself physically sick and emotionally stuck. Bad things happen.. they are the balance to make us appreciate all the wonderful beautiful things life has to offer.. but when you believe you are victim of bad experiences, you only attract more bad experiences. Moving forward from something traumatic is really about embracing the future and looking forward in a positive way.. and you can’t do that if you believe you are a victim.

Stop blaming yourself for the past and start forgiving.

For a while I was haunted by everything that had happened, so much so that I was filled with this immeasurable amount of hate towards the people who had done me wrong. It made me sick. In order to heal and recover I realized that focusing on the things I couldn’t control- other people’s actions in the past and in the future – would do me no justice and bring no positivity in my life. So I sat down and wrote letters. I wrote letters to the men who hurt me, to the friends who abandoned me, to the family members I felt had never given me the support I needed. They were notes of forgiveness. “I forgive you for hurting me,” thought I never sent them out. I kept them in my heart and in my notebook, and looked at them from time to time when I felt doubt. Forgiveness is key to moving forward.

Stop letting others define you.

I really looked deep into my heart and asked myself why I cared so much about what other people thought of me. Why did other people’s opinions really matter so much to who I was? The truth was… they didn’t. It didn’t matter if people who didn’t know the truth thought less of me. If I took a true honest clear look at myself, the problems I were facing, then I could fix them. It didn’t matter what other people thought. I refuse to let other people define me. If someone doesn’t want to be friends with me, it isn’t because there is something wrong with who I am. If someone doesn’t think I write well, or sing well, or do a good job at work — it isn’t necessarily the truth. Because what matters most is my own opinion of myself.

Start to look forward towards your future.

So, you ready for awesomeness? Because you will never let go of the past unless you start imagining a better future! So if you ask yourself, what you want your future to look like, if it could look like anything in the world, what would the answer be? You deserve that vision just as much as any one else. If you go through a painful breakup and never love again — you are letting your past create your future. If you fail in your job once and never pursue your passion any further, you are letting the past create your future. Don’t make decisions for the future based on the circumstances of your life before. Just live. Live freely, deeply, and with passion.

Always, and forever. Because no matter what you have experienced in life, you can change your future.



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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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