I Have No Idea What I am Doing.
Categories Lifestyle

I Have No Idea What I am Doing.

I’m laughing as I write the title of this post. Because honestly, it’s true. I have no idea what I am doing. No, not as a general statement about life. I mean I have no idea what I am doing  writing this post.

See that picture of that pretty notebook? I got it at Barnes and Noble a while back. The truth is I didn’t really need another notebook. I have so many Freaking notebooks. But not one like this. This one spoke to me. So I got it.

Because right now, at this point in time, I feel like I actually am living the story I wanted to tell. And I spend a lot of time telling stories about all the times my life was a total mess – the times I wasn’t living the life I wanted, that I need to honor and appreciate where I am right now.

And right now, I am so truly happy.

I love my life, my business, and the fact I get to coach so many amazing beautiful humans.

And I love that I get to do it by sharing all that I have been through in my life. And I feel so much love because of that. Even though I love being a coach, it wasn’t exactly a position I stepped into with confidence right away. I was actually scared to be a leader and role model for quite some time. Finding that confidence didn’t happen over night. I didn’t wake up and snap my fingers and suddenly get all the credibility and validation to make me feel good. I needed to learn how to let go of expectations and just be myself.

But that’s another story.

The point is becoming a life coach was something that happened organically. I guess it was always within me, but it was a passion I never knew existed. Actually, I knew what I wanted to do the whole time – but I never had a name for it. Now I do.

 

“Life Coaching.”

Yes. I am a life coach. But I am a lot of other things. Finding a balance between all of those things can be a struggle for any entrepreneur. And I have to be honest, every once in a while, the other pieces of my heart feel like they aren’t getting the attention they need.

Case and point – the most recent power struggle: Finding the time to honor the writer in me.

Because before I was a life coach, or a CBS News producer, or actually – anything else in my life – I was a  writer. Even when I was little I was writing poems for the grammar school newspaper.

In middle school I was writing lyrics to my own songs.

In high school I was hoarding a serious journal collection and a couple of written books that never grew into anything.

I loved being a word smith – but a simple word smith at that (I didn’t do so well on the english part of my SATs.)

But it’s who I am. and I love being a writer. I love sharing my stories and being open with the world. It’s the part of me that I think I am the most proud of. That drive to be creative is just something I always cherished. And I feel like lately I am not honoring that part of me the way it deserves to be honored.

I wake up and feel hungry to serve. I check my emails, answer client calls, and do my best to be the best for everyone. And I freaking love it. But when I write, I also feel like I am the best I can be for the world. And I haven’t been able to write and feel that way in a while.

I don’t know if it’s my busy schedule or my greater interest in coaching my clients -but somewhere along the way, I felt like I had nothing to say on the blog. And so I stopped saying anything at all.

It’s time to change that, don’t you think?

 

And I think one of the biggest problems I have is that even when I do know what to say, I have so many crazy platforms that I’m not sure where exactly I should go to say it!

“Do I do a podcast about this?”

“Should I record a youtube video on this topic?” 

“Maybe I should write a blog post.”

“Is my audience sick of seeing me on Facebook live yet?”

I’m still figuring this out too guys.

And I am never going to arrive at the end of a picture perfect business. I am always, always, improving.

The endless growing experience is as fun as it is exciting, and actually why  I wanted to be an entrepreneur (so I could keep growing myself too) it is actually kind of scary sometimes.

Sometimes I worry about stepping into certain platforms at the wrong time, accidentally saying the wrong thing, or maybe even – worse – being unprofessional! AHHHH!

God forbid right?

The point is, I have so many places for my voice to be heard that after years of not having any platform at all, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the options. I don’t know where to go from here.

But I miss writing. And I want to write.

Not the lame boring how to do X,Y,and Z posts. but the writing about my life! The stories about what is going on and what is happening right now with me and my world. I love sharing that stuff. And I want to share it with you.

So this is what I will say – this is the blog. And sometimes I’ll write how-to posts. Sometimes I’ll share pieces of my life. Sometimes I may even cry out a heartfelt story about some crazy thing that happened.

I am still learning things guys. I am still evolving and growing.

There is no end day in sight. For any of us.