Let’s talk about goals. We set them because we want be better for ourselves and for others, right? But sometimes what we want for our future is SO so super far away from our current reality, that it feels almost impossible. And why try if you think you’re going to fail anyway? am I right?
Last night for example, I was talking to my business coach telling him that for the longest time I have been fearful that my vision for my business is “too big for me.”
“What if I’m not good enough to make this dream of mine a reality? What if what I want is actually impossible?”
This, my friend, is called the GAP. The gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Sometimes that big disconnecting space can overwhelm us. I know it definitely overwhelms me at times. I look at my goals for this year and compare them to where I am currently and it feels really scary to think about all the work I have to do to get there!
The truth is it isn’t the goal itself that overwhelms us in life. When we set goals, we set them with a positive mindset – we want something bigger and better for ourselves and we pick it with the idea that eventually, with hard work and dedication, we will get it.
But when we don’t focus enough on our goal, whether it is to get organized, to save money, to manage our time better, or to reach a weight-loss goal, there is a period of time in our process of transformation where we start questioning our mission: “Is this something I can really do? Am I capable of this? I have so much more work to do to get there and I just can’t imagine achieving it compared to where I am now!”Hence – the Gap. The Gap between where you are and where you want to be.
We get stuck in that big ugly gap – that open space of nothingness where we feel like we have made the decision to do something an we haven’t gotten near close to achieving it.
The Goal isn’t the place we give up.. it’s the Gap. The Gap is where we are subjected to fear, doubt, self surrender, and failure. This is the place where we start feeling all of those bad worries associated with our goals. It’s the make or break area of our journey where we have two choices: We can either A- Push forward and overcome that fear, or B-Just simply give up and surrender to the life we used to live.
The whole point of self improvement is about closing that gap. Trying to push yourself forward from where you are now just to get a little bit closer to where you want to be. And the truth is, closing that gap is a process. It takes time, dedication, and long term effort. It isn’t about just focus guys – it is also about being flexible in your approach – analyzing what works for you and changing it along the way of your journey.
So How Do we close the gap between where we are and where we want to be? How do we move forward and reach our goals when we feel lost in the open space of uncertainty and not being good enough?
One step at a time.
How to Close the Gap Between Where You Are and Where You Want to Be
Get Crystal Clear About What You Want: You want to lose weight? That’s great. But don’t just set a number on the scale as your goal. Make your goal diverse. Tell yourself “I want to lose X Amount of pounds,” but keep running with that idea and get more specific. “I want to lose X amount of pounds. I want to feel more confident. I want to make better health conscious decisions about what I eat. I want to completely change my lifestyle so that it is more healthy. I want to have more energy. I want to have that amazing feeling getting dressed in the morning that I can pick anything I want from my closet and it will fit and make me feel sexy!” How you set your goals is key to whether you succeed or fail. And you need to do it the right way. Which is why I highly recommend my goal setting guide to clients I work with. It’s a huge game changer.
Being Understanding and Kind with Time: Imagine time as a friendly companion and not an enemy. It is really easy to look at the calendar, take out your pen and pencil in a date of achieving something. “I will lose 30 pounds by ______” Or “I will find love by ______” ….. We all know the universe has bigger plans and unexpected challenges along the way of your journey. Sometimes things get in the way. Sometimes obstacles and detours are just part of the process of learning. When you are angry with time and feel like you haven’t reached a goal based your expectations, its easy to label yourself a failure. Instead, look at time as an irrelevant component to whatever it is you are trying to achieve. Instead of seeing how far away you are based on your deadline, ask yourself this question: “Am I better and more improved in this area of my life since I set this goal and started working towards it?” If the answer is yes, congratulations! You are still in it for the win!
Start Being More Positive About Your Experience: I can’t tell you how many times women who have accomplished so much in terms of their goals start getting down on themselves because they haven’t transformed into this perfect picture of what they wanted in their lives. “I only lost X when I wanted to lose X.” or “I like my stomach but I don’t like my legs.” Or “I only got a B+ on that test when my goal was really an A” or how about the money gap, when you’ve saved X amount of dollars but it wasn’t that exact perfect number you were hoping for. Does that mean you automatically failed? Does that mean you haven’t reached your goal? Absolutely not! It means you are still learning and still growing! When we look at our goals as multi-purpose and multi-dementional in our “Crystal Clear Approach,” we can see that every goal we set for ourselves has a feeling related to it – an emotion we are trying to fulfill or improve. If you can look at where you are now and feel better than when you started, hone in on that positivity and embrace it. In those moments of weakness when you start feeling self doubt about the things you wanted to accomplish, take out a pen and paper and list all the ways you have actually improved and made your life better since you started your journey. It really helps.
When We Fail, We Don’t Fail. We Learn: This is really a key point in the process of closing the gap. When we set goals we need to be clear and focused on what we want, but we need to also understand that our approach may change over time. Our journey may be different than we anticipated when we started this process. We may have to take some off roads, we may have to fall down a few times and get back up. These moments of ‘disruption” along our journey aren’t failure moments – they are learning moments. Any time you feel disconnected from where you want to be and feel as if you have failed, it’s important to look at those situations as moments of enlightenment. “What can I learn from this? How has my mind changed in the process of learning this hard lesson?” Learning moments are the moments that make us stronger and better. Not to mention, they really help us appreciate our goals once we achieve them.
Keep Growing and Keep Improving: I mentioned this in a post about Ask and It is Given, the Book I read last summer, and it is so important to understand. Our Goals are going to change … constantly. We are always asking for more, always expecting more and always wanting to improve ourselves. And that is a Perfect and wonderful thing…. except when you don’t do it. If you think that once you reach a goal for your health you give up on it, you will never feel fulfilled. If you believe that your journey is over once you reach your goal number in your savings account, you’ll go out the next day and spend it all. Keep setting bigger goals and keep moving up the ladder. Overtime you will transform into an amazing wonderful human who is full of so much amazing potential.