A long time ago, I used to fantasize about running away from my life. Seriously…like Wizard of Oz run away from home status.
I would imagine packing up all my things into boxes, quitting my unhappy job, abandoning my unhealthy relationship and just hitting the open road. At the time, I was so unhappy with where I was in my life. Suffering from depression, feeling taken advantage of by people, never feeling “truly happy,” like I saw other people were – My life just felt super messy and not worth living.
The thought of running away and starting a brand new life gave me chills back then.. The “I’m excited” kind.. not the scary kind. A clean slate, and a chance to start over seemed super rich with possibility. I could be someone different, create a whole new life, and finally be the happy person I always wanted to be.
But somewhere along the way, day dreaming about where I would go and who I would be would fade – and my day dream thoughts would turn to “let’s be practical Lauren,” thoughts….
“How would I pay the bills without a job?”
“Where would I go live if I didn’t know anyone?”
“What would my family and friends say if I just up and left?”
“I can’t just run away from my life… I have responsibilities.”
And then the sad thoughts would follow.
“This is it.”
“I can’t change my life.”
“I’ll always be stuck.”
“There is no way I can fix this.”
It was like I didn’t have a choice…
“It is what it is. This is just how my life is going to be.”
Boy was I wrong.
Changing Your Life isn’t complicated. It just feels that way.
The truth is, no matter how difficult life is, we all have an opportunity to take ourselves away to something better. It’s just a matter of being determined… and patient at the same time.
When I realized that I couldn’t exactly pack up all my belongings and hit the open road for a free adventure (okay, maybe I could but it didn’t feel like a good idea at the time) I found other metaphorical ways to have that fresh clean slate I was longing for.
Instead of running away from it all, I started asking myself how I could chase the life I truly wanted (without having to ditch my apartment, live out of a car and make a financial mess of myself.)
I realized there were simple ways I could get exactly what I wanted without having to do all that messy stuff. It was easier than I was making it out to be.
Creating a fresh new start for yourself is powerful.
And it doesn’t require you to pack a suit case and hit the open road. Finding happiness and learning to create your own “fresh start,” can be a really big game changer in your life.
Make a list of all the things that make you feel bad in your life right now. It could be a relationships, your financial situation, or your career. Those are the big heavy things that you are trying to change in your life right now. Figure out what they are and ask yourself what you can do to change them.
Let go of all the negative things that don’t serve you. If you are struggling to feel happy in your life, it could be time to get rid of a few people…. or maybe a few bad habits. Or maybe a little bit of both. Do some deep soul searching and figure out exactly what the negative things are that are holding you back from feeling happy and try to do your best to pick a new one each month to rid your life of. Breaking down these big steps into smaller monthly goals works wonders.
Take a deep look at yourself. Creating a big fresh start in your life isn’t just about weeding out bad influencers. The biggest life transformations start from within. And if you take some time to really look at the person you are and the qualities you have – you’ll soon realize there may be a few things worth improving on. Whether it’s your diet, your ability to keep a budget, or your lack of self love. Whatever those things are that you are “lacking,” be honest with yourself about them, and try to figure out exactly what you can do to enhance your life from within (and not just around you.)
Then, start your journey. posts on resolutions Pick a date on the calendar and consider this your “new life fresh start.” New Years is always a good time for that, part of the reason why I wrote these a while back. Figuring out exactly what day will be your “day one” and creating a life journey out of your self improvement is really a great way to make a change.. The road ahead isn’t going to be perfect, but that’s okay. Just remember – one day at a time, one small change at a time, and slowly, you will take yourself away to a brand new confident happy fulfilled you.
Got you angry there didn’t I?
Got you curious?
You clicked this post all revved up and heated, ready to hate me and probably blast me with a bunch of hate comments didn’t you?
I kind of figure that would happen.
And that’s why I tricked you.
So you would read this.
Caught your attention? Good.
Because whatever side you were on,
You need to take a minute and read this.
It doesn’t matter who you voted for.
If the title of this blog post got you fueling your hate fire over Donald Trump,
you need to keep reading this.
And if you clicked this article because you are happy he is now our president,
you need to read this too.
We all need to have a talk.
No matter what side you are on.
Or at least, I need to talk …. and you need to listen.
Because you’ve probably done a LOT of talking already.
A lot of yelling.
A lot of fighting.
A lot of defending.
And maybe even a lot of crying.
Now, all I ask is that you listen.
This is important.
YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT.
I have legit made ZERO comments about the election on social media.
And for good reason:
There was nothing I could say that hadn’t already been said.
At least until now.
And while I know I might regret speaking up here…
I think its more important that I do speak up.
I think that’s how a lot of you have felt these last few day right?
“I need to say something about how I feel,” you probably thought.
I can tell by social media and Facebook feeds.
“Why should my human rights be in jeopardy?”
“Why is this happening?”
“Why is there is much hate in the world?”
I’ve been seeing it since Tuesday.
You are trying to answer all of those questions.
You have no true answers…
BUT HERE’S AN ACTUAL TRUTH WE ALL NEED TO LIVE BY NOW:
Donald Trump is now President.
And the question shouldn’t be: “Why did this happen?”
“What happens next?”
What is Perfection followers visit this site for self love… but so many of them are full of hate right now.
Full of hate because of something they now have little control over.
They are letting it affect them. Eat at them. Worry them. HURT them.
So many people out there are feeling this pain.
They are Angry. Scared. Hurt. Confused. Worried. Frustrated.
These are the different feelings that so many different people are holding in their hearts right now.
BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE DIFFERENT.
And they are scared they will no longer live in a world where that difference is embraced.
Or protected legally.
Or at least accepted in society.
Or defended by human right laws.
Or at least trying to be defended by the people who run the country.
Or at least moving a bit closer to being protected and accepted.
Or at least trying to move our world in that direction.
Or maybe just at least not erasing the progress we have already worked so hard to make in this world.
They are LGBT members who want to be able to get married.
They are women who want their sexual rights protected.
They are immigrants scared of being deported.
They are muslims and hispanics worried that world now has a pass to discriminate against them.
Because of someone else.
Because of something they now have no control over.
Because of the election results they can’t understand, and the democracy they don’t feel protected by.
“We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal.”
It is 2016…
and more than 240 years later
We are still trying to interpret what that means and how to fight for that meaning to be recognized.
THESE ARE THE SELF EVIDENT TRUTHS…
THE TRUTHS WE NEED OT LIVE BY IN ORDER TO CREATE A LIFE OF LIBERTY AND PURSUE HAPPINESS:
1. CHANGE IS OFTEN AN UPHILL BATTLE.
And this is just part of that hill. Sometimes, you need to fight for what you want in your life. You need to work hard for what you deserve. Happiness is a liberty, but it is so often jeopardized. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness. It doesn’t mean you won’t have it. It just means that in moments of trial you may need to fight a little harder to get it.
2. YOU CANNOT LET FEAR TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE.
You cannot live for fear of the unknown. And we don’t know what will happen from here. So why spend these precious moments of your life worried or scared of what “may happen.” If you put your life on hold to stress and worry about what will happen next – you are failing yourself.
3. WE NEED TO BE HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE.
We are what we think about. If we are constantly spreading hate and anger – letting those things into our lives – we will only experience more of it in our future. We need to reframe our minds so that we can live in happiness. Every day we have a choice to be happy or sad.. and we need to actively choose to be happy. Because that is what we deserve. And no one is going to give you what you deserve if you don’t give it to yourself first.
THERE ARE DEEPER LESSONS TO BE LEARNED HERE.
And they have nothing to do with politics. They have to do with Ourselves.
If you live your life letting other people control your happiness – You will be failing yourself.
We cannot control the world we live in –
We can only control how we live in that world.
And living a happy fulfilled life, or a sad fearful angry one –
That’s your choice. That is always your choice.
No matter the president.
No matter the election.
No matter the year
or the time
or the place.
YOU WILL ALWAYS. ALWAYS. HAVE THAT CHOICE.
SO…. WHAT LIFE WILL YOU VOTE FOR?
Get on those sexy heals and walk your gorgeous ass out of that unhealthy relationship girl! Okay, sure, it’s easier said than done sometimes right? Because learning how to move on after a break up can be a really hard thing to do. And it’s especially difficult when we are walking away from a relationship that we have been in for really long time right? I mean – it seems like the longer we are in it, the harder it is to find the courage to break away and move on.
Years ago, before I built my confidence and self love, I found myself single for the first time and struggling to feel good about it. Okay, “struggling” is a kind choice of words. I was emotional wreck! I was on my own for the first time in five years. The relationship I walked away from was unhealthy, abusive and emotional destructive. So here I was feeling lost and alone. “How the heck can I feel good about being by myself?” I needed to learn how to move on after a break up and rebuild my life. And no joke, it wasn’t easy.
But it was one of the most important lessons I could learn. So Let’s talk about it. So you can learn it too.
Taking the First Step and Calling it Quits
Majority of women stay in relationships way longer than they know is good for them. So many women I coach stay in their unhappy romances because they try to “make it work” or “fix the relationship.” They know they aren’t getting what they need from their partner, but they are hoping that if they work hard enough at the relationship then maybe they will.
If you’re one of these women, don’t be ashamed. Trust me. You aren’t the only one out there guilty of this.
This is how things usually play out:
First, you start feeling unhappy. It’s almost like something is missing in your life that you really want but don’t know how to find. So you start trying to fix the relationship and alter it so you can finally get what you need. You want the person you fell in love with long ago to be the one person that provides you everything you need. So you try to make it work. but then at some point you realize you can’t get what you want and you never will. So what do you do? Do you call it quits right then and there? Some women do.. but most ladies out there don’t.
Majority of women will think about the decision for a while before they actually make the choice to walk away. They start weighing the pros and cons of being single again to make sure it is the right decision. We start asking ourselves questions like, “Should I do this?” and “Is this the right choice for me?”
Toying with the idea of becoming a single woman again is much like shopping for a new pair of shoes.
Before we retire our old worn out converse for a pair of sexy stilettos, we want to be sure we are making the right choice.
And so what do we do? We try them on first!
We start imagining what our routine would be like if we didn’t have our partner.
“What will my evenings be like?”
“Who will I call to tell about my day?”
“What will I do and who will I share my experiences with?”
And the scariest question of all – “Can I actually do this?”
You shop around the idea of being single in your head, and you imagine what walking around as single woman would feel like for you. Is it comfortable? Does it make me feel good? Do I want to make this investment?
And then you have a choice – you can either put those sexy single girl stilettos back on the shelf, or you can be brave and take that first step towards independence. And if you have taken that first step and are reading this post – you know first hand that it’s an uphill climb: Learning how to move on after a break up.
Steps for Learning How to Move On After a Break Up
Okay.. So you buy the shoes. You are a single woman again. Amazing! But it hurts right? I mean, just continuing with this shoe analogy for a second here, sexy stilettos aren’t exactly comfortable. Especially if you haven’t worn them in a while. It takes time to get used to a new life walking in new shoes. And sometimes we need help learning how to move on after a breakup. We need to heal, recover, forgive ourselves and strengthen those sexy single girl calf muscles! So here’s how you do it. Here are some simple steps for learning how to move on after a breakup.
Replace your negative thoughts.
How many of you out there have ended a long term relationship and think that you can’t find someone else? Are you blaming yourself for why the relationship didn’t work? Do you feel like a failed human? It’s normal to think that way. But you need to do your best to replace those negative thoughts. Make a list of all the things that you are scared of. Get clear about what negative thoughts are holding you back from actually moving forward.
You need to replace that insecure mindset with positive beliefs. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself, but you will never learn how to move on after a break up if you are constantly feeling unworthy of a better life. Get clear about what you believe and start to replace all your negative thoughts with positive ones. “I deserve better” or “I can find true love again,” are mantras you should be reciting every day.
Start believing in your new positive mindset.
It’s one thing to just repeat crazy chants of positivity, but it’s way more inspiring when you start to believe it. Find a positive thought about why being single was a good decision. Make a list of all the wonderful opportunities you will now have as a single woman. If you want to start believing that you actually deserve better than your unhealthy relationship, you need to come up with reasons why you are worthy. Ask yourself, “Why do I deserve better?” What is so wonderful about you that makes you worthy (and capable) of having something better in your life. Getting clear about those reasons will only help you in the process of learning how to move on after a break up.
Find support and encouragement.
This is a really important vital component of moving forward in your life. When you aren’t used to being alone, you will definitely feel lonely in the beginning. It’s only natural. Find people in your life who are supportive of your decision and hold on to them tightly. Spend a few months embracing those people who are supportive of your decision to end your relationship. And do your best to rely on your healthy support system for learning how to move on after a break up. If there isn’t anyone in your life that you feel comfortable relying on, you can always join my community support group. It’s a free group where I provide women the resources and tools they need to recover from their unhealthy relationships.
Start setting goals and making plans
In the beginning, you are going to need to keep busy. It is only natural that you will feel some empty-ness in your life once you become a single woman. Fill it with things that bring you joy! Start setting goals for yourself and your new life as a single woman. Did you always want to join a gym but felt like you had no time to workout? Well guess what – you are single, go do it girl. Start focusing on your own personal development. Learning how to move on after a break up is really about learning how to “be you” again. Find the things you enjoy, and surround yourself with them constantly. You can even make a single girl bucket list! You can check out this post about it and get the free E-guide for your single girl goals!
Re-Establish your worth.
It’s really easy for women to define their worth based on how much other’s value them. And when our relationships go sour, we start to lose our sense of self confidence. So when you start learning how to move on after a break up, you will slowly need to rebuild your self worth. Start growing your confidence and focusing on rebuilding your identity. And don’t just do it by keeping busy and setting goals.
Practice self-esteem building exercises. Start journaling more often. Take a good hard look at yourself and start figuring out what makes you wonderful again. Now I know this is a really challenging complicated step for most women learning how to move on after a break up. So if you feel like you are in need of guidance and want to completely transform your life, you should check out the Perfection Program. This is a custom designed self confidence course for completely transforming your life and growing your worth. Go take a look.
I hope these tips help! If you are still searching, try these other posts:
And if you need some more guidance, check out that sexy E-guide for making a single girl bucket list!
And I need to talk about it. Lena Dunham you are my hero. And not because you wrote this FB post… because quite frankly I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I legit have dreams where you, Lena are my BFF and we are hanging outside a restaurant in central park drinking margaritas and talking about our favorite podcast episodes of This American Life. I live vicariously through her life – who she is and what she has created is such a solid representation of Embracing WHO YOU ARE. And I am so sad that your beautiful creation is over. Your Facebook Post saying Goodbye to HBO Girls is bringing tears to my eyes.
Lena Dunham’s FB Post Saying Goodbye to Girls HBO
Lena Dunham is a total rockstar. Ever since the first episode of Girls on HBO I have been so obsessed with her ability to be honest and vulnerable about who she is. A lot of people think she is “too much.” And those people are wrong. She is open and honest and sure, naked a lot; but it was for a good reason. The character she played, Hannah Horvath, was constantly wearing her heart on her sleeve and not giving a shit what other people think. She was trying to find herself in an awkward world where people always pretend to have their shit together. Lena Dunham shed light on the true struggles we face trying to find ourselves in this world.
And I loved that. I loved that about Hannah and I loved Lena Dunham for dreaming up a character who lived life that way. Because whether or not you felt it 100 percent of the time, I guarantee sh was relatable to you on some level.
Lena Dunham Made Me Believe That What I Experienced Growing Up Was Real. And Okay.
HBO Girls was a show I totally resonated with on so many levels. It made me look back on my life experiences and realize that a lot of people go through the struggle of trying to find themselves growing up. When I made mistakes or did embarrassing things, it was okay. Girls allowed me to look back on things I did growing up and things I felt growing up and feel like they were okay. “I wasn’t the only one.”
Oh.. and if you still don’t think she is awesome you should check out this post
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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!
It’s natural to want to seek approval from other people. But when you are constantly living your life for everyone else and not for yourself, that’s when life starts getting messy (and super depressing.) If you learn how to stop caring what others think, you can create an authentic amazing life for yourself without giving a shit about the mistakes you learn along the way.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve been the girl constantly obsessed with approval. And if you’re reading this post on how to stop worrying about what others think, I’m sure you have been there too.
Have you ever been that girl who worries too much about other people’s opinions?
-Maybe you told your friends you hooked up with that hot guy at the bar that one time, but never mentioned how that dirty PDA on the dance floor turned into a one night stand at his apartment.
-Or maybe when your mom asked what you did the other night you told her that you “went out for a drink with a friend,” when really you had seven, left your credit card at the bar and threw up in the cab on the way home (sorry mom. This happened once.)
-And okay, maybe sometimes you hold in a fart at the dinner table or pick your nose in the car (when no one is looking of course.)
I don’t know you. I don’t know your life.
But I do know that we all shy away from being 100 percent open about our lives because we don’t want to face judgement.
And we do it for good reason.
Because not everyone needs to see our dirty laundry and smell our gas.
But sometimes that habit of keeping the details of your life private can escalate into a really unhealthy lifestyle; where you are constantly keeping your true-self behind closed doors to avoid criticism.
Here’s how to tell if it’s time to learn how to stop caring what others think:
-You don’t make a big life decision without thinking about what someone else thinks: your family, your friends, your boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.
-You hide certain passions or personality traits you have because you are afraid other people won’t like you.
-Sometimes you take a really long time making decisions because you get wrapped up in “what will this person or that person think about this?”
-You rely heavily on what others’ opinions and find yourself asking multiple people for advice.
-You feel the need to defend yourself when other people don’t approve of your life decisions or make negative comments about your life.
If this is you, let’s fix it.
Learning How to Deal with Negativity the Healthy Way…
You can read my previous post to find out why I decided to stop caring what others think if you want to know more about my own story.
But ever since What is Perfection was born and I “logged in” to the world of social media, I started paying close attention to how other people in the public eye deal with negativity. (Just in case I ever have to deal with it myself.)
It’s frustrating to see how mean people can be when they are hiding behind a computer screen.
But what’s even more frustrating to me is when I see bloggers and social media influencers taking time out of their lives to respond to all of that negative feedback. It’s almost like they feel the need to justify that they have their shit together. And while I can certainly relate to the insecurities behind that, I have learned that what other people think doesn’t matter. Especially when those other people are strangers.
Who knows, maybe one day I’ll feel a strong need to speak out and change my opinion. But for now, I am standing strong: You need to learn how to stop caring what others think.
Because whether you are a famous blogger or a normal girl living her normal unpublicized life – not everyone is going to like you. And you have to just deal with it.
Here’s How You Stop Caring What Others Think
1.Embrace the fact that you are always being judged. Lets face it. No matter what you are doing in your life someone is going to be judging you. So if you remind yourself of that small simple fact, it’s easier to follow your heart. “Well, I’m gonna be judged anyway, so I might as well do what feels right for me, right?” You might as well how to stop caring what others think so you can just focus on what you think instead.
2. Start believing that not everyone has to like you. You have no idea how liberating this is. Accept it. It’s an important part of learning how to stop caring what others think. Because not everyone is going to like you. Accept the fact that it will happen. And accept the fact that it is okay when it happens. Because check this out: when someone doesn’t like you, do you know what happens? Nothing. Nothing happens. The world doesn’t end. And the sky doesn’t fall. The people who love you don’t suddenly change their mind by popular vote. And those angry mean people don’t spend their lives stalking you and shouting “I hate your face” chants in your ear. The more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.
After that, Try these tips..
3.Remind yourself that other people don’t know more about your life than you do. No one walks in your shoes all day but you. No one on this earth is an expert in your life except for you. You are the only one who is a pro when it comes to living your life. And while someone may think a decision is good for you, deep down they don’t have a darn clue. So really learn how to stop caring what others think, by remember that people don’t know what they are talking about. Because they aren’t you. Only you know what’s best for you.
4.Practice your decision making abilities. See, the more decisions you make in your life, the more you’ll get used to the idea of trusting your gut and learning how to not care what others think about those decisions. It’s what happened to me when I started What is Perfection: I pushed myself into a place where I didn’t have any other choice but to be true to myself. You don’t need a blog to do that, you just need to put yourself in more challenging situations. Check out this post on decision making if you want to know more.
5. Develop Healthy Self Confidence Practices. You can’t grow your confidence if you don’t have the healthy emotional tools to make it happen. learning how to not care what others think isn’t something you can just suddenly wake up and start doing. It requires practice, learning, and healthy emotional development. That’s what the Perfection Program is all about: Giving women the tools for building their self confidence and changing their lives in 30 days. Click here if you want to learn more about how you can start your own self love journey. So stop caring what others think and start caring about yourself!
And if you want to take things a step further, check out this other post on how I learned to stop caring what others think.
And get the guide for reframing your mindset – the journaling worksheet!