The Story of My Life Falling Apart

The Story of My Life Falling Apart

When My Love Life Turned My Life Upside Down

Let me take you back to 2012. The year my whole entire life changed. The year that (I think) actually catapulted me into the life I have now: full of self love, happiness, and joy. You see, before I became the What is Perfection Girl and developed all my online self improvement courses, I actually had a pretty messed up story to tell.

So here’s just a little part of it. Me: 2012.

My bank account was empty, and so was my  heart. I was about to walk away from my 5 year relationship. Actually.. I was really walking away.  Literally. Well.. more like running.

And all of my belongings were jam packed into a the back seat of my ’95 Honda Civic. I was done. Officially.

I decided it was time to leave my relationship because I was so sick of being hurt. It had been years of me trying to make it work and I guess I reached my breaking point. I don’t know what that “point” was specifically, but I definitely knew I was broken.  And so “over” the being lied to and the secrets. There were so many secrets.

Having your life physically fall apart in just a matter of months isn’t the worst part: It’s believing that you will never be able to put it back together again. My life was a big Humpty Dumpty Disaster, and I had no idea how to fix it.

In case you’ve never been in a story book like this one, let me tell you what happens next:

You feel hopeless. You start believing you will never be happy again. You form this idea that you are a miserable person who will always be miserable. You feel angry and resentful for the pain you are carrying. And you fall into a scary pitiful version of yourself you didn’t know existed.

You feel stuck, heartbroken, and angry. “I never asked for this.” or ‘Why me?” are very common mantras.

Ever been there? You know what I’m talking about.

And while other people may not feel like the world has ended, you sure as hell do.

The truth is, as painful as those moments are, having your world turn upside down can be the best thing that ever happened to you.

You just need to let it.

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Rebuilding and starting over.

Trying to put the pieces of my life back together was really scary. When you live for so long depending on your “other half” for things like happiness, love, and confidence, you kind of forget how to do those things for yourself. And trying learn how to do those things again for the first time is really hard.

But I promise you – now matter how hard it is, rebuilding your life and being able to look back on what you once had will make you feel so grateful for that experience. Because once you heal your heart, you will see just how wrong that past life was for you.

 

When My Life Turned Upside Down, It Changed for the Better.

Before my “Perfect Life” shattered in front of my eyes, I was living with rose colored glasses on. I didn’t see it then, but looking back six years later, I can see how truly unhappy I was. I was successful, happy, and loved by everyone else’s standards but my own. I wasn’t “truly fulfilled by my life” but I didn’t realize until it was taken from me.

To everyone else, my life was “perfect.” At least that’s what people told me. I had a “successful” career as a television news producer. At least that’s what other people said. I was a married young twenty-something who lived a loving happy wonderful life. At least that’s what other people saw.

When my marriage ended I was able to take off the rose colored glasses and see my life for what it really was: Something that caused me more unhappiness than joy. I had a life that I was “trying to make work,” rather than a life I truly wanted.

My life was never perfect because it wasn’t the life I wanted it to be.
I was never actually successful because I wasn’t pursuing my passion.
I didn’t feel wonderful or full of love because those qualities were only based on other people’s standards.

Picking up the pieces of my life and rebuilding myself became almost like a big art collage project. I was able to remove all the clutter, the garbage, the unnecessary and the negative; I started filling my life with all the things I truly wanted there. I recreated my life.

Looking back, six years later, I realize that I didn’t just leave a broken marriage: I left a broken life. And having the chance to rebuild it was the best most wonderful opportunity I ever had. It was a chance at a fresh start and new beginning: To makes something of myself that I truly wanted.

And it’s a chance that – if you’re struggling in an unhealthy unhappy relationship (or trying to heal your heart from one) you deserve to have too.

Sometimes you need a little help (heads up all my life transformation tips are in my online courses)

But there’s a deep lesson you need to learn here: Painful experiences can be a blessing in disguise. You may not ask for painful experiences, you may not expect them, and you may even curse the world for letting bad things happen to you: But years later, you can look back smile, and chant a new mantra:

“Everything Happens for A Reason.”

What happened when I finally moved forward? 

I healed my heart in a way that I didn’t even know it needed to heal! I thought that my relationship was the only thing damaged, but when that ended, I realized that my self love needed a ton of TLC too. Had I not had that rock bottom experience, I would have never faced the truth about myself – I was picking low-worth relationships because I had a low-worth placed on myself. I didn’t think I was deserving of the good stuff. I was constantly trying to please other people, so all I did was find “takers” to fill my life with. People who would take advantage of me.

By walking away from that relationship, I was able to drastically transform every area of my life. And I’ve never been happier.

Don’t worry… one day. That will be you too.

What You Need To Remember When Things Are Tough:

This is a learning moment – that if you let it – can make you stronger.

Everything – even the shitty stuff – happens for a reason.

Life is never perfect. And sometimes when things go drastically wrong, it just means there is a big drastic transformation waiting to happen.

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Heads up. If you’re relating to this story here, hurting and down on your luck. I’d suggest you check out:

The Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Course

Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course what is perfection

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A Self Worth Story – From the Girl Who Lost Everything.

A Self Worth Story – From the Girl Who Lost Everything.

Self Worth is the key to living any happy life. When you don’t feel good about yourself, life pretty much sucks, am I right? Feeling happy is darn difficult when you feel worthless. Feeling confident is basically impossible when you don’t love yourself. And appreciating all the great things life has to offer is simply a day dream when you don’t like the person you are. But wait…

What is Self Worth Anyway?

Basically, for all the insecure girls out there, Self Worth is defined as: “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” But I think if you are reading this article, you can probably identify with all the things that self worth ISN’T. Rather than what it is. Here’s how to tell if you don’t have self worth:

Warning Signs You Need to Love Yourself More:

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You let other people take advantage of you.

You constantly feel like you aren’t good enough.

You compare yourself to other people.

You fear failure, because you think you never achieve anything.

You don’t believe you are good enough for “good things.”

You feel insecure.

You don’t speak up about how you feel.

You are scared of being alone.

You don’t walk away from people who hurt you.

Basically.. you live life stuck, insecure, and feeling scared.

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That is what a LACK of Self Worth is.

And if you’re trying to fix those things, lucky for you, you are in the right place.

 

Having little self worth totally F*’s up your life girl.

If you’re stumbling on this website for the first time and don’t know anything about me or What is Perfection, let just tell you little bit about what this website is. Because it’s ALL About self worth girl. WIP is a place where I teach women how to rebuild their self confidence and create  happy beautiful versions of themselves.. because I know EXACTLY what it is like to live life feeling insecure. and it SUCKS. (you should join the free community for my free self improvement tools P.S.)

Because years ago I WAS THAT GIRL – struggling to feel good, without self worth and completely turning my life upside down trying to feel happy and confident.

I WAS LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. AND DOING ALL THE WRONG THINGS TO GET IT.

I dated assholes to feel loved. I developed an eating disorder to get the perfect body. I coped with serious depression, suicidal thoughts because I felt like I was never good enough. Yup. Self worth – zero. That was me. Because I deeply loathed myself, I was constantly trying to change who I was in order to feel better. It never worked. (Lucky for you, I actually became a self-loving CHAMP!…. and I’ll show you how to be one too!)

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But in case you are interested, read more about me here:

My Eating Disorder Journey

Being A Rape Victim 

The Full About Me Page

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OKAY COOL. 

MOVING ON:

HOW TO BUILD YOUR SELF WORTH 

 

Learn how to enjoy being alone.

When I didn’t have self worth, I was so scared of being alone. I needed a partner, and I needed to be around friends 24/7. It wasn’t because I was a social person who enjoyed that (even though I do today,) It was because I didn’t really love myself enough to want to spend time with just me! Learning how to be alone with yourself is a scary thing in the beginning. It’s like you are almost spending time with a stranger. But taking baby steps into being independent will help. Slowly, overtime, the more one on one time you get with yourself, the more you will learn about who you are and what makes you wonderful.

Get rid of the labels you put on yourself.

I’ve been through a lot in my life… a lot of bad, not so fun things. For a long time I thought all of those bad things defined me in a “tarnished” way. I was “the girl who was raped,” or “the girl who married a guy who turned out to be a drug dealer.” or the suicidal depressed girl etc. etc. and all those other bad things I’ve been through. I actually carried those labels around with me for a LONG LONG time.

But that was a big problem.

Because when I lived my life thinking I was JUST those things, I was miserable. You may feel this way too. maybe you struggle with your weight and have branded yourself as “the fat girl” or maybe you were “the slut” in high school and you were so bullied about it that you can’t seem to let go of that image. Whatever it is, the labels you put on yourself based on the past experiences you’ve had actually prevent you from being a confident happy person.

You can’t move forward and grow when you are so stuck on the person you once were. Make a list of all those labels and throw them out the window girl. Start asking yourself “who do I want to be” and be that person instead.

Focus on what makes you happy, not on what impresses people.

Yes, for a long time I lived for OTHER people. I picked a career that impressed my parents. I wore clothes because they were “in fashion.” I didn’t pursue passions or hobbies because other people thought they were stupid or not important. And a while back, I actually stayed in a really unhealthy relationship way longer than I should have because I was so worried about disappointing my family. This is a key lesson in self confidence. You need to stop worrying about the rest of the world and build your self worth by focusing on your own happiness. You can check out this post on how to stop caring what other people think if you need help on this one (there’s a free E-guide there for ya)

Start believing that maybe you actually deserve better than the way you have been living.

No one ever taught me how to feel good about myself growing up… In school, they never really teach you how to establish a solid self image. Self Worth really isn’t a part of the school curriculum. And few parents teach their children how to be confident and self loving. We think those qualities are “selfish” am I right?

No. No they aren’t. So it’s time to start thinking differently about self love. And if you are unhappy with your life, then maybe it’s time to reflect and ask yourself, “Am I living based on false beliefs about what happiness is?”

 

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Get rid of your old unhealthy beliefs.

If you believe that you need to lose weight to feel beautiful – there is a problem here.

Do you need to feel important to other people or get noticed by other people to feel good? Why?

If you picked your career because your parents told you that you would make a lot of money – you won’t feel successful. EVER.

Think that your husband is the only person who will ever love you so you don’t walk away from the relationship?

Do you feel like you can’t be yourself because other people won’t like who you are?

Or maybe you are constantly comparing yourself to other people – trying to be as beautiful or as thin or successful as they are.

It’s time to stop.

This learned-behavior is WRONG. It isn’t serving you.

Let’s break that habit and start redefining our self worth.

By teaching ourselves a new way of living.

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-STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE. START LIVING FOR WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. 

-DON’T MAKE DECISION FOR YOUR LIFE BASED ON OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS. ASK YOURSELF “WHAT DO I THINK? WHAT DO I WANT? 

-AND DON’T BELIEVE THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU IN ORDER TO FEEL LOVE.

-FORGET THE PERFECTION STANDARDS SOCIETY HAS CRAFTED FOR BEAUTY. MAKE YOUR OWN. 

-EDUCATE YOURSELF ON SELF LOVE AND SELF WORTH. 

-PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AND RAISE YOUR STANDARDS FOR LIVING. 

-BECOME A PERSON YOU ARE PROUD OF – NOT A PERSON OTHER PEOPLE ARE PROUD TO BE AROUND.

START MAKING MORE DECISIONS. STOP SECOND GUESSING YOURSELF.  

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HOW I FOUND SELF WORTH

So, when I perfected the art of fulfillment, and developed the Perfection Program 30 Day Course based on those principles, so much of my life changed. And over time, something happen inside me.. I felt lighter.. more at peace. And suddenly I felt happier.

I found a new sense of confidence in my ability to make decisions for myself. And I started making more of them.

Following my heart to self love, led me to even more self love. Because I make decisions for my life based on ME. And I actually started making better decisions. Decisions that made me proud. These are the choices that make me feel like I am in control of my life and my future. And there is nothing worth more than that.

And suddenly I was actually in control of my future, my emotions, and my happiness! Legit EVERYTHING about my life changed.

I went on an insane 5 year self love journey. And discovered What is Perfection LLC. Changing myself was never the answer to finding self worth. It was all about changing what I was looking for. And it was within me the whole time.

Yes, the Self Worth Discovery: Is within you too.

If you feel ready to find that self love and make a change for your life, check out the Perfection Program 30 Day Course and make it happen!

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Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

 

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Finding the Courage to Walk Away…

Finding the Courage to Walk Away…

We know it’s bad for us. We know it’s making us unhappy. But for some reason we can’t stop. No I’m not talking about binge eating ice-cream or smoking cigarettes. I’m talking about staying in an unhealthy relationship. Which if you ask me, is even worse than that pint of Ben & Jerry’s or that pack of Newport shorts. Walking away from a relationship is probably one of the hardest things to do. Especially if we’ve been in that relationship for a super long time.

So today I am going to give you some of the best tips and advice I have for finding that strength to walk away from a relationship.

BUT FIRST LET ME GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY

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There might be some other things you are struggling with right now.

If that’s the case, here are some other popular posts on unhealthy relationships from Me and WIP

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU SHOULD BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE (FREE QUIZ) 

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER A BREAKUP

WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP 

HOW TO SHOW LOVE THE RIGHT WAY YOUR PARTNER NEEDS

HOW TO BE HAPPY BEING SINGLE

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OKAY. MOVING ON. 

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Walking Away from a Relationship

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Knowing when its time to leave.

One of the things I see most often in the community groups I run (especially in the healing a broken heart group) is that a lot of girls KNOW it’s time to leave. (They just don’t do it.) And while they feel super discouraged by their lack of action, it is actually a really big step they should be patting themselves on the back for taking! I mean… when we are in unhealthy relationships for so long, some of us don’t even realize it! We get so wrapped up emotionally, that we spend a lot of time lingering in that “hopeful state.” Like… “Well maybe he will change.” or “maybe we can fix this.” Sound familiar?  So … when you know it’s time, like REALLY KNOW, that’s something you should be applauding yourself for realizing. Even if you don’t take action right away! You are recognizing and acknowledging the problem exists. A Plus to you lady!

BUT HOW DO WE FIND THE COURAGE TO ACTUALLY DO IT? – KEEP READING.

Put a stop to the self doubt. 

Okay.. so a lot of us play this game in our heads right? Once we know walking away for a relationship is something we are truly considering in our heads (because we are unhappy or being mistreated) we start to go into this mode of “self doubt.” Suddenly all the “what-if’s” start playing in our head over and over again – like a bad record we can’t turn off. “What if this is the wrong decision?” or “What if this is my only chance at finding love?” Or how about “What if I leave and spend the rest of my life alone?” My advice to all the girls out there who are in this phase of finding courage is to put the breaks on your mind for a minute. Get out a pen and paper and write down all of those SELF DOUBT STORIES. See them on paper.. and then challenge them. Do some serious self reflecting on this. Ask yourself “why about this fear is false?” and “what is the real truth behind this situation right now?” Taking some time to write those questions and answers down (and not just playing the what if game in your head) will actually help.

Get clear about all the reasons why the relationship is bad. 

A lot of us linger in other ways too… besides the “what if” game. Suddenly, when we start considering walking away from a relationship, we also start reflecting on and remembering all “those good times,” we had. Am I right? you start remembering all the wonderful fantastic things your partner did in the very beginning. The first kiss, that dance you had, or that romantic moment when you fell in love. Whatever those memories are, kill them. If you are even thinking about walking away from a relationship, chances are the relationship in it’s CURRENT state is not a happy one. So start facing the truth: What about the relationship is not good for you? Ask yourself why it is a negative part of your life or a big source of unhappiness. Make that crazy list of all the ways he is wrong and see it for what it really is girl!

Discover the motivation to leave. Not tomorrow. Not three months from now. But NOW.

This is really a big part of my Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course – if you haven’t registered I seriously recommend you go check it out. Finding that motivation to actually drive you towards walking away (rather than just thinking about it) is a big big step. And for a lot of women, it’s a hard step to take!  You need to ask yourself what life will look like if you don’t make this decision NOW. And what will the next year of your life be like? What joys will you be missing out on? What about your happiness, family situation or career life would be in jeopardy if you don’t start walking away from a relationship now. Try to really imagine the next year or two years or even three years if you stay where you are. Sound scary? Good. I hope so. Because THAT is EXACTLY what you need to drive you away from the relationship.

Take a BIG MASSIVE ACTION.

Now hold  up. I know I know.. walking away from a relationship can be something we put off for a REALLY long time. And I am not saying that you need to go through all these steps in a day and then pack your bags and leave. That massive action of actually WALKING away from a relationship sometimes doesn’t happen right away. But regardless, it is super important that you at least make an effort to take ONE big bold step towards that life you want for yourself. Not sure what I am talking about? Well, here are some ideas: Go look online for a new apartment. Go shop for furniture and imagine your new home and how you will decorate it. Go join an online dating site. So, go do SOMETHING related to this future as a single lady. And make sure it is something that gets you EXCITED for the future. That big massive action step is so important because so many of us feel insecure and afraid of making the WRONG decisions… so the more baby steps you take.. the more smaller decisions you start making, the more confident you will feel when you actually DO Step away from that unhealthy relationship.

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I hope these tips and steps help you along your journey! Find that courage girl! And check out those other posts if you need help!

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I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THE ELECTION RESULTS!

I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THE ELECTION RESULTS!

Got you angry there didn’t I?

Got you curious?

You clicked this post all revved up and heated, ready to hate me and probably blast me with a bunch of hate comments didn’t you?

I kind of figure that would happen.

And that’s why I tricked you.

So you would read this.

Caught your attention? Good.

Because whatever side you were on,

You need to take a minute and read this.

It doesn’t matter who you voted for. 

If the title of this blog post got you fueling your hate fire over Donald Trump,

you need to keep reading this.

And if you clicked this article because you are happy he is now our president,

you need to read this too.

Yes.

We all need to have a talk.

No matter what side you are on.

Or at least, I need to talk …. and you need to listen.

Because you’ve probably done a LOT of talking already.

A lot of yelling.

A lot of fighting.

A lot of defending.

And maybe even a lot of crying.

Now, all I ask is that you listen.

This is important.

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YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT. 

I have legit made ZERO comments about the election on social media.

And for good reason:

There was nothing I could say that hadn’t already been said.

At least until now.

I think.

And while I know I might regret speaking up here…

I think its more important that I do speak up.

I think that’s how a lot of you have felt these last few day right?

“I need to say something about how I feel,” you probably thought. 

I can tell by social media and Facebook feeds.

“Why should my human rights be in jeopardy?”  

“Why is this happening?”  

“Why is there is much hate in the world?” 

I’ve been seeing it since Tuesday.

You are trying to answer all of those questions.

You have no true answers…

BUT HERE’S AN ACTUAL TRUTH WE ALL NEED TO LIVE BY NOW:

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Donald Trump is now President.

It happened.

And the question shouldn’t be: “Why did this happen?”

but rather

“What happens next?”

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What is Perfection followers visit this site for self love… but so many of them are full of hate right now.

Full of hate because of something they now have little control over.

They are letting it affect them. Eat at them. Worry them. HURT them.

So many people out there are feeling this pain.

They are Angry. Scared. Hurt. Confused. Worried. Frustrated.

These are the different feelings that so many different people are holding in their hearts right now.

Why?

BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE DIFFERENT.

And they are scared they will no longer live in a world where that difference is embraced.

Or protected legally.

Or at least accepted in society.

Or defended by human right laws.

Or at least trying to be defended by the people who run the country.

Or at least moving a bit closer to being protected and accepted.

Or at least trying to move our world in that direction.

Or maybe just at least not erasing the progress we have already worked so hard to make in this world.

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They are LGBT members who want to be able to get married.

They are women who want their sexual rights protected.

They are immigrants scared of being deported.

They are muslims and hispanics worried that world now has a pass to discriminate against them.

Because of someone else.

Because of something they now have no control over.

Because of the election results they can’t understand, and the democracy they don’t feel protected by.

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“We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal.”

It is 2016…

and more than 240 years later

We are still trying to interpret what that means and how to fight for that meaning to be recognized.

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THESE ARE THE SELF EVIDENT TRUTHS…

THE TRUTHS WE NEED OT LIVE BY IN ORDER TO CREATE A LIFE OF LIBERTY AND PURSUE HAPPINESS: 

1. CHANGE IS OFTEN AN UPHILL BATTLE. 

And this is just part of that hill. Sometimes, you need to fight for what you want in your life. You need to work hard for what you deserve. Happiness is a liberty, but it is so often jeopardized. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness. It doesn’t mean you won’t have it. It just means that in moments of trial you may need to fight a little harder to get it.

2. YOU CANNOT LET FEAR TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE.

You cannot live for fear of the unknown. And we don’t know what will happen from here. So why spend these precious moments of your life worried or scared of what “may happen.” If you put your life on hold to stress and worry about what will happen next – you are failing yourself.

3. WE NEED TO BE HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE. 

We are what we think about. If we are constantly spreading hate and anger – letting those things into our lives – we will only experience more of it in our future. We need to reframe our minds so that we can live in happiness. Every day we have a choice to be happy or sad.. and we need to actively choose to be happy. Because that is what we deserve. And no one is going to give you what you deserve if you don’t give it to yourself first.

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THERE ARE DEEPER LESSONS TO BE LEARNED HERE.

And they have nothing to do with politics. They have to do with Ourselves.

If you live your life letting other people control your happiness – You will be failing yourself.

We cannot control the world we live in –

We can only control how we live in that world.

And living a happy fulfilled life, or a sad fearful angry one –

That’s your choice. That is always your choice.

No matter the president.

No matter the election.

No matter the year

or the time

or the place.

YOU WILL ALWAYS. ALWAYS. HAVE THAT CHOICE. 

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SO…. WHAT LIFE WILL YOU VOTE FOR?  

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I May Be A Rape Victim….

I May Be A Rape Victim….

I AM A RAPE VICTIM.

Seems like that’s the only way to start this story.

So you know exactly what I am.

My credentials and credibility are right in front of you.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.

……

There it is.

….

That was probably easier for me than it was for you.

The harder part is deciding what to write next.

Because there a million things I want to say.

There a million things I want to tell you.

A million things you need to know.

So let’s start with the whole million shall we?

The millions of us out there who are victims.

The millions of us who have experienced a rape.

THERE ARE LITERALLY MILLIONS.

And I am just one of them.

Yes, I am a rape victim.

But I stopped living like one a long time ago.

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And I’m telling the story.

 Since I’m sure you are wondering anyway.

Because so many are curious.

So few inquire.

“I am a rape victim”

I will say.

It’s a statement often followed by silence.

So powerful that few know how to follow it.

“When did it happen?”

“How old were you?” 

“Did you know your attacker?” 

So many wonder. So few ask.

So many are afraid to ask.

BUT SO MANY NEED TO HEAR THE ANSWERS.

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When I was 13 and about to start high school, I was sexually assaulted by six men at once.

When I was 19 and in my first year of college, I was raped by someone I knew.

Those are the years in the record books.

The years that make me a “rape victim.”

Those are the years you’ll look at, learn about, and come to a conclusion from:

“Yes. She is a rape victim.” This is proof.  

But what you don’t see on paper are all the other years in between.

The years that were taken from me.

The years I didn’t “become” a victim, but actually “lived” like a victim:

By trying to erase the memory of how I became one in the first place.

Trying to.

Because that’s what so many of us try to do.

For so many years.

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Like the year after my first assault, when I was 14 years old and decided to keep it a secret.

Someone said, “you must have asked for it.” So I remained silent. 

Or the year after that, when I was 15, and pretended like it never happened.

Because the friends I told stopped being my friends.

And the adults I told didn’t believe me.  

 So I tried to stop believing it too. 

And then the years I was 16, and 17, and 18, and 19,

when I was finally able to convince myself

It never happened.

Because I just wanted to be normal like everyone else. 

But it did happen.

And when I was 19 and it happened again,

I just decided it didn’t.

Because no one ever told me “it’s not your fault,”

So I continued living like it was.

Living like I was a victim.

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An attack is not just one moment.

It’s a lifetime.

It’s being raped of a childhood.

Being blamed for an attack.

Labeled as “a slut.”

Looked at as “a weirdo.”

Growing up unable to connect with others.

Spending years just trying to “be normal.”

Constantly ignoring a pain.

Continuously living in denial.

Never. Ever. Talking about it.

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But this is is a conversation we need to have.

Because if we  don’t talk about it,

No one will learn.

Victims won’t heal.

Attacks won’t be prevented.

The stigma will linger.

Nothing will change.

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But we need change.

Stop victimizing the victims and start helping them live and let go.

We can’t let go of something when we pretend it never happened. 

Stop silencing your children and minimizing their trauma.

We learn from you. And if you are ashamed, we will be too. 

Stop telling your girlfriends they “asked for it.”

We didn’t ask for it. We asked for acceptance. 

We need to stop punishing victims by silencing them.

Blaming them.

Belittling them.

Branding them.

Burdening them.

We need to stop doing all of those things.

And start letting stories be heard, understood, and accepted.

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I hated being called a rape victim.

Because the only thing that ever made me a victim was

having to live

pretending it never happened.

For fear of being judged,

unaccepted

ridiculed

laughed at

punished.

Calling me a victim made me feel defeated.

It made me feel impure.

It made me feel less than.

Not because it represents the horror and pain of something I once experienced,

But because it made me feel like I should keep silent

and remain inferior

to my attackers

and to people who looked me differently because I was attacked.

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Maybe I am different.

But it doesn’t make inferior.

Maybe I was attacked.

But it doesn’t give you the freedom to attack me.

Maybe you don’t understand.

But you should at least try to.

And sure, maybe I did experience something traumatic.

But I overcame it like a fuckin warrior.

And I am damn proud of that.

Because even though I am a victim.

I’m sure as hell not living like one.

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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