This morning I posted a narrative on my Facebook page. It was sort of a soul reflection on how I got to the place I am in today.
I am the possibility that all people can reinvent themselves.
In 2008 I was raped and walked away from my life to reinvent myself.
In 2012 I left a drug-addicted husband, and reinvented myself as a single woman.
In 2013 I was able to heal and rebuild – landing myself in my first apartment – reinventing myself as “successful” for the first time.
In 2015 I walked away from an unhealthy career and created What is Perfection LLC.
Now I am here. With Purpose, Passion, and a Fire in my soul.
The old me would have never been able to receive this joy.
But like I said: I am the possibility that all people can reinvent themselves.
In order to follow our dreams and become who we are meant to be, we need to shed the old parts of ourselves that hold us back. That means transforming who we are.
In my life, I have shed a lot of things in the process of reinventing myself to follow my dreams. I’ve lost weight, let go of unhealthy people, gave away possessions, released negative emotions, and said goodbye to the old version of me I didn’t like.
I am still reinventing myself today. Why? Because suffering is the result of unfulfilled dreams. And I refuse to suffer.
At some point you must take the next step. Make a commitment to have what you want in life and then make a plan to get it. It’s there waiting for you, but most likely it isn’t going to just fall into your lap.
Release the negative holding you back. Reinvent the human you are so that you can level up to the dreams you have for your life. And then?
GO GET IT.
But what if you want to reinvent yourself but you don’t know how? What if you are trying to achieve some bigger than you goal in your brain right now and it feels almost impossible to get there.
This – ladies and gents – is about learning to perfect the art of “Closing the gap.” Getting you from where you are to where you want to be in life.
And all of that, starts from within.
How to Reinvent Yourself
1.Start getting clear about what needs to leave your life.
This is probably the biggest most powerful shift you can make in your life – removing the negativity. I also think it’s truthfully one of the hardest. Some of us aren’t even aware of the negative in our life until it slaps us right in the face. Do you have friends who belittle you? Does your mother make you feel insignificant? Maybe your home is so cluttered with reminders of the past you have a hard time moving forward. Whatever it is – learning to recognize what doesn’t serve you and getting rid of it is the first step in reinventing yourself.
2.Figure out who you truly want to be.
This is one of the most exciting legs of the journey – redesigning the vision you have for you life! If you are a person who doesn’t like change – then lets face it, this might be a hard part of the process for you. But then again you probably wouldn’t be reading this post anyway. Asking yourself important questions about the life you want will lay the solid foundation for change. Do you want to make more money? Do you want to be more kind? Perhaps you have this crystal clear picture of you and your dream love sitting on a beach, or buying a house and raising a family. Get clear about the vision. Paint it. Paint it with all the pretty colors you can possibly imagine. And then execute it.
3.Set your goal, pick a deadline and take massive action.
Hire a coach, invest in a program, do something crazy serious to train yourself/ mold into the person you want to be. It’s pretty simple guys. In order to stretch into a new human being, you need to do some of the hard work. That may mean investing in a vision greater than your present state right now. It may mean doing things that are scary and overwhelming and full of fear.
4. Walk with the fear to become that new version of you.
So since you know what you want now get really good at strategy for getting there. It doesn’t mean things are going to be perfect right away – but learning to realign yourself with the higher version of you that you want to be is so important. Learn how to take those big scary leaps that will make you grow and propel you into the person you want to be. If it doesn’t scare you – then you aren’t dreaming big enough!
I was suicidal once. Don’t believe me?
In 2008 I ended up in the hospital after an overdose. Twice.
What would you say if I told you that same year I was raped, diagnosed with a mental illness, and in a psych-ward? Would you be shocked to find that out too?
I also left a drug addicted husband, an unhealthy unhappy career, and some seriously abusive relationships.
If you knew me back then you would have probably said, “That girl won’t amount to anything.”
Because that’s what I used to say about myself.
Back then, that was my narrative: The crazy messed up, never good enough, always miserable never confident girl.
And I thought that was how it would always be.
Boy was I wrong.
Today that girl is gone, and a new woman stands in her place. A woman who is confident, happy, full of love, successful, healed, and recovered. A woman who created the life that once felt so impossible.
The old me might be gone, but I see her in each and every one of my clients.
She is in the woman who feels unhappy in her relationship and needs help healing.
The girl who wants to find happiness and purpose in her life but feels lost and in need of guidance.
The person who just wants to transform their life – live better, be better, serve the world better.
If you are that person out there feeling like your dreams are impossible, I want you to see that no matter where you are right now, you can rewrite your narrative.
Wherever you are right now is not where you have to be.
You can become a totally new you. You can transform your life. You can get out of whatever struggle you face.
You can do it all.
Nothing is impossible.
Dear Lost Soul:
I know you are sick and tired of feeling this way. Life has got you down. Things are never going your way. You try and you try to be happy and feel good but it seems crazy impossible. Life is crazy town.
And yes, I know that it feels impossible to believe that you could feel anything else but shitty. And I also know that you are sick of other people trying to give you advice about how to fix how you feel.
But you need to listen to me. Because I used to be you. And I know where you are right now. And I know you deserve better.
Life is shitty now and you deserve better.
Your self worth is at an all time low and you deserve better.
Things aren’t working out the way you want them to and you deserve better.
This crappy relationship you are trying to run away from or fix, is not good enough for you.
The job you want to leave is not good enough for you.
Stop hanging on to that past life. It’s time to let go.
Life sucks now. And it’s time to take control. Stop letting other people dictate where you go – start leading. Become a leader of your own life.
Bad things are happening right now and I know it’s hard to believe you can do anything to change that. But you can.
This is happening right now because you are about to grow. You are about to change. You are about to transform.
You gotta fucking run with it.
You have the power to change your life.
Stop telling yourself that you are too broke to get what you want
too ugly to feel beautiful
too messy to feel confident.
Stop giving yourself all of the reasons you can’t and start saying, “I am going to do this no matter what it takes.”
The only thing standing in your way is you.
So let your guard down and start taking massive action to change your life.
No one else is going to do it for you.
And you deserve so much better. <3
I woke up in the middle of the night to write this post: let it be known.
So now you are reading this – congratulations – kidding. Because there are probably a lot of spelling errors and things that make no sense (backwards apology.)
I had this random urge to write this post, and I am running with it.
The Real Truth about my relationship with Matt.
haha. Caught your attention there didn’t I?
Well as always, it’s Unfiltered Friday Real Deal Time! Let’s jump in, shall we?
You know, I get asked a lot of questions about this: So many people want to know more about my relationship with Matt, and I always kind of feel surprised by that. Maybe because I put so much of myself out there on the blog and in the podcast, that it actually somehow inadvertently makes people really curious about the man I share my life with.
But for the record, I never intentionally hold back the deets. I never choose not to share something about my relationship on the blog. And Matt has never asked me to hide the truth or not mention something about our relationship.
And I freaking love him so much for that.
I guess there are a lot of things that I just forget to talk about. Things that, after a few years of dating, have just become normal. But for along time, a healthy relationship was a foreign concept to me. I had no clue how to do it or whether or not a healthy relationship was even a real thing – since so many of my relationships in the past had been so destructive.
Matt had a really unhealthy relationship in his past too. And so we both needed to learn how to let go of our old habits and insecurities.
He is perfect for me.
Let me just be clear: Matt is not some magical unicorn with a penis. He is just a regular normal guy who I love. A whole freaking lot.
He has his imperfections too.
-He sings off key, and I think it is adorable.
-He makes pasta sometimes really late at night and will melt a stick of butter and then leave half of it in the bottom of an empty bowl in the sink instead of throwing it in the dishwasher and I want to yell at him every single time.
-And he has a really hard time remembering my birthday.
He is also sometimes too apathetic, disconnected, and robotic.
But I love all of him. And that’s why it works. Because he loves all of me too.
Like that sexy John Legend song that makes you want to cry and make a baby at the same time.
But seriously. We accept each other whole heartedly. And it’s fucking beautiful.
Matt has never told me I can’t do something. He has never discouraged me from pursuing anything that I was passionate about. He has never told me, “that’s stupid” or “what a bad idea,” about something. (except maybe that time I wanted to try moving the furniture around the apartment in a really really crazy way that I see now made absolutely no sense.)
He lets me figure out my shit on my own.
He let’s me be me. In all my weirdness. And he loves me for it. So I love him back the same exact way.
He never tells me “yeah right,” when I come home for the 20th time telling him I am going to do something that I haven’t ever in my life done. And he say’s “that’s great babe I’m proud of you,” when I tell him something I have accomplished.
-He doesn’t cuddle me when I tell him I don’t feel good.
-He gives the most pathetic back rubs.
-One time I was walking through a parking lot with him and he didn’t try to protect me when I almost got hit by a car.
-He doesn’t compliment my looks as often as I’d like (and yes I usually have to ask “How do I look?”)
-And he only expresses himself emotionally when he feels naturally compelled too. (which isn’t really a lot.)
And in the beginning of our relationship, I used to think I needed those things from him and it drove me nuts.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
I don’t need pretend love. I need real love.
Matt knows what’s bull shit – and he doesn’t feel like he needs to put it into our relationship. And truthfully, I respect that.
When he cuddles me it feels real. When he compliments me it always makes me feel good, and when he expresses himself emotionally I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
And those things do not happen as often as I’d like – sure. But I like that I am always hungry for it. Because it makes the organic moments special and real for me.
I don’t need to be complimented 24/7 because I actually feel good about myself. I don’t need cuddles every time I feel sick (even though I want them) because I am in fact a strong woman – and I don’t want that to change. And I have come to learn that sometimes affection, when reserved for special moments, actually makes it more meaningful and memorable.
But that’s just me. We all need different things.
The point here is this: A healthy relationship is not just about getting what you want when you want it. It’s about understanding and embracing the balance between what you need vs. what brings you joy. Like having your vegetables before your ice-cream after dinner.
OMG that sounds so lame. But seriously…
A healthy relationship is about growth – and enjoyment. At the same time.
And a healthy relationship was something I never thought was possible for me. After years of horrible relationships I just felt like it was never in the cards. And now I have it.
And no one should ever feel like they have to settle for anything less.
In case you are wondering about Matt’s past relationships – let’s just say those weren’t so easy either.
We both needed to learn some hard lessons, change our ways and create a new lifestyle for ourselves when we started dating. (letting go of the past is really important.)
But here’s the truth about my relationship with Matt:
He loves me for all my imperfections. And he has his too.
And we don’t try to hide them for each other.
He never makes me feel less than him.
He is always “in tune” with me and can recognize when my emotions are off or something is going on.
He never tells me what to do or how to do it. And he always encourages me.
He is always honest when I ask him a question about myself – and somehow he can speak the truth in a way that doesn’t make me feel insulted.
This is love. This is life. This is my life. And this is what I am truly grateful for. It isn’t the passion we share that’s unique. This isn’t some magic carpet ride fairytale love story.. It is a deep and abiding adoration for one another that is always respectful and always growing.
You know… I woke up thinking that this post was important to get out. And I am so grateful I am writing it.
Listening to my gut is never the wrong decision
I love you Matt.