Why am I So Unhappy…..?

Why am I So Unhappy…..?

I used to ask myself that question all the time. And if you’re reading this, you might be asking yourself that question too. But “Why am I so unhappy?” is such a loaded question sometimes don’t you think?

So in order to help you answer it, let’s rewind things a bit for a hot minute. I want to tell you about my life before  I learned how to love myself. Not because it’s an exciting story or anything, but because back then  I was asking that question all the time. I’m not kidding. “Why am I so unhappy?” was the constant mystery of my life that for a while went unanswered.

 

 

Why Am I So Unhappy?

I’m not going to lie to you. There were moments in my life where the answer to that question was obvious. It’s easy to know why I am so unhappy when so much is going wrong in my life – that’s pretty much a given. And back then, feeling ugly, having a horribly unhealthy love life and hating my job were all clear sources of my sadness.

 

 

But then there were other times where my unhappiness felt almost like an anomaly. I would feel sad and unfulfilled in my life but I would also feel like I had no idea why.

And it’s really difficult to fix your sadness when are you aren’t really sure if you even “should be” sad in the first place.

Why am I so Unhappy What is Perfection

 

Why Am I So Unhappy When Everyone Is Telling Me I Should Be Happy!

A big problem with trying to overcome those sad blues (especially when you don’t really understand why you have them) is the feed back you get from other people. There were so many times in my life when I would reach out to a friend and tell them how I was feeling, and all I would hear back from them was, “but you have so much to feel happy about!” It was almost like they were telling me I was wrong to feel sad. And that made everything SO much worse.

I didn’t want to hear I was wrong for feeling certain way. I wanted to hear how I could fix it! So if you’re like me, and you’re sick of hearing your friends tell you that you shouldn’t feel unhappy, I’m here to tell you otherwise.

Consider me your BFF sitting with you at the bar helping you wash away all your troubles.

Here’s how you do it.

bluelineswhatisperfection

How to Go from “Why Am I So Unhappy” to “Here’s How I Can Change That”

Step One: Recognize that your feelings are valid. You are never going to fix a problem if you keep telling yourself that you don’t really have a problem or that if you do,  you really shouldn’t. I don’t care what any of your friends tell you. You don’t have an imaginary problem. You don’t need to just “put on a happy face.” If you are constantly trying to answer the “Why am I so unhappy” question, then you need to acknowledge that something needs to be fixed. Figure out what it is. And do it.

Step Two: Shut out the people who are telling you that you should be happy. Have you asked people “”Why am I so unhappy” only to be told your an idiot for feeling that way? Do you confide in people about your sad blues only for them to tell you things like, “but your boyfriend is so awesome!” or “But you have a great job and a great family!” Shut those people out and stop confiding in them. Other people think your life is great? Good. Good for them. But not good for you. Because if you aren’t happy about those things, then what other people say really doesn’t matter. Other people don’t have to live your life. Only you have to live your life. Stop asking those people “why am I so unhappy” and start asking yourself instead.

Step Three: Figuring out what exactly is wrong with the “good” areas of your life.  Okay, so let’s look at those areas of your life for a minute. You know, the areas of your life that everyone else thinks are so awesome but don’t leave you feeling happy; what’s going on? I always tell clients who are trying to find their happiness to dig deep into the root of the problem. Don’t ignore it: Discover it. Take out a pen and paper and start making a list of all the things you “should” feel happy about or “want” to feel happy about (those may be two different lists by the way) And for every one of those things, figure out what exactly is missing. List out all the issues you have with that area of your life so you can see them right in front of you. You can use my free E-guide at the bottom of this post for guidance!

Step Four: Discover what is missing in your life. A lot of the times when we have a lot to feel grateful about, we can’t feel happy because we are missing something in our lives. If our careers are great, we may feel unhappy because we are lonely. If our relationships are great, and we should feel happy because we have a wonderful person to love us, we could be feeling sad because we aren’t taking time to care for ourselves. Think of what you are longing for and ask yourself if life feels off balance. It could be the source of your unhappiness.

Step Five: Take action and make a change that is within your control. Finding confidence and happiness is a long process. But it never starts by just sitting around and moping. When you look at that list and see all the reasons you feel lack-luster or unfulfilled in your life, ask yourself what you can do to change it: What steps can you take to change your circumstances? Once you see all the small things you can do to reshape your life and feel better, go through that list and start making small changes. So stop asking yourself “why am I so unhappy” and instead, ask yourself, “What steps can I take to change that?”

freeunhappinessclickherepromobutton

Do you need extra help? Do you want to make a big crazy change and completely transform your life?

learn-more-about theperfectionprograminfo

bluelineswhatisperfection

Lauren Signature
Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

learnmoreabouttheprogram

Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection

Lena Dunham’s FB Post Saying Goodbye to Girls is giving me life right now.

Lena Dunham’s FB Post Saying Goodbye to Girls is giving me life right now.

And I need to talk about it. Lena Dunham you are my hero. And not because you wrote this FB post… because quite frankly I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I legit  have dreams where you, Lena are my BFF and we are hanging outside a restaurant in central park drinking margaritas and talking about our favorite podcast episodes of This American Life. I live vicariously through her life – who she is and what she has created is such a solid representation of Embracing WHO YOU ARE.  And I am so sad that your beautiful creation is over. Your Facebook Post saying Goodbye to HBO Girls is bringing tears to my eyes.

Lena Dunham’s FB Post Saying Goodbye to Girls HBO

Lena Dunham is a total rockstar. Ever since the first episode of Girls on HBO I have been so obsessed with her ability to be honest and vulnerable about who she is. A lot of people think she is “too much.” And those people are wrong. She is open and honest and sure, naked a lot; but it was for a good reason.  The character she played, Hannah Horvath, was constantly wearing her heart on her sleeve and not giving a shit what other people think. She was trying to find herself in an awkward world where people always pretend to have their shit together. Lena Dunham shed light on the true struggles we face trying to find ourselves in this world.

And I loved that. I loved that about Hannah and I loved Lena Dunham for dreaming up a character who lived life that way. Because whether or not you felt it 100 percent of the time, I guarantee sh was relatable to you on some level.

Lena Dunham Made Me Believe That What I Experienced Growing Up Was Real. And Okay.

HBO Girls was a show I totally resonated with on so many levels. It made me look back on my life experiences and realize that a lot of people go through the struggle of trying to find themselves growing up. When I made mistakes or did embarrassing things, it was okay. Girls allowed me to look back on things I did growing up and things I felt growing up and feel like they were okay. “I wasn’t the only one.”

 

 

screen-shot-2016-09-30-at-10-53-29-pm

Lena Dunham Facebook Post End of Girls

screen-shot-2016-09-30-at-10-53-49-pm

 

Oh.. and if you still don’t think she is awesome you should check out this post

girlshboseries

 

 

 

Lauren Signature
Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

learnmoreabouttheprogram

Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Every time I write about self-confidence, I think about that awesome Demi Lovato song. “What’s wrong with being confident? Whats wrong, what’s wrong, what’s wrong with being confident?” Well I’m here to tell you what’s wrong with being confident. It’s hard to be. That’s what’s wrong with it. Why can’t it be easier?! Demi Lovato is a super sexy goddess who embraces her curvy figure and loves herself. And we should all feel that way. But figuring out how to stay confident while losing weight is like, the biggest challenge ever. So let’s talk about it so we can figure out how to stay confident while losing weight and feel awesome about ourselves like Demi Lovato says we should.

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Most of us try to lose weight so we can feel better about ourselves. We want to change our bodies so we can grow our self-esteem and boost our “feel good vibes,” am I right? But if you’re on that weight-loss journey hoping that you’ll feel confident later on when your 5 pounds lighter or a few sizes smaller, you are failing yourself, and you are failing my girl-love Demi.

You can’t wait to feel confident. If you wait, it will never happen. You need to feel confident now.

Are you the girl who is weighting to wear that sexy outfit in her closet because she needs to lose five more pounds?

Are you putting off going on that date because you aren’t exactly as fit as you want to be?

Are you avoiding the mirror in the morning or wearing lose clothes because you don’t believe you look good?

Stop it. Stop it right now.

If I could see you through the computer screen I would punch you.

Just kidding, I love you.

But seriously stop.

If you aren’t confident now, you will never be confident. Practice self love now, so you can find that “I can do it” confidence that you need to push you towards your goals!

how to stay confident while losing weight setting goals the healthy way what is perfection

How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Step One: Stop Waiting. Your first step in learning how to be confident while losing weight is to stop PUTTING OFF THINGS. If you want to feel more beautiful, do things that make you feel beautiful! Dress nice. Go out and socialize. Do your makeup. Style your hair. Shave those legs for christ-sake!

Do whatever it is you would normally do if you were your ideal perfect body weight.

Step Two: Embrace The Qualities that Make You Beautiful Now. You need to be confident in who you are. You need to feel beautiful so that losing weight is just an added bonus to your wonderful confident self. If you are constantly relying on losing weight as the one thing to make you feel good, you will be failing yourself for the rest of your life.

To embrace your sexy goddess self, try journaling all the ways you are beautiful. Make a list of all the reasons you deserve to feel good about yourself. Embrace that list and keep it in a place where you will see it often.

Final Step: How to Stay Confident While Losing Weight

Step Three: Stay Motivated on Your Journey. I have a ton of practices that I use for boosting my self confidence when I am trying to lose weight. But the one thing that really keeps me motivated on my weight-loss journey is journaling. I make a list of all the reasons I deserve this goal I want, and I dig deep and figure out exactly how this goal will enhance my life. I don’t just focus on the number I see on the scale.

I get crystal clear and laser-focused on the feelings I am trying to achieve, the way my future will look and the changes that will occur in my life when I reach that goal. When you envision the future, anything is possible.
Need extra help? Check out this post on weight-loss goals to get the free Goal setting guide to keep you motivated!

weight-loss goals

 

Lauren Signature
Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

learnmoreabouttheprogram

Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection

Is Facebook Preventing Our Natural Happiness?

Is Facebook Preventing Our Natural Happiness?

I admit it. I have a Facebook ritual. Every morning, groggy and with a hungover feeling that only grows as I grow closer to the age of 30, I grab my cup of tea, sit on the couch, and scroll through the thousands of posts that my newsfeed has collected overnight.  In between slurping my tea and half watching an overplayed episode of Married with Children, I aimlessly scroll through newly created memories of other people that are now “official memories.” And if my ridiculous college years taught me anything, t’s that nothing is official unless there’s a post about it on Facebook first.

There are a lot of official memories… no matter what day of the week there is always something new. There are pictures of social gatherings I haven’t attended, spoiler statuses of top television shows I haven’t yet seen, engagements, birthdays, new relationships, old relationships, and lots of other exciting things that some how I feel I am a part of. Somehow connected to. I am connected with nearly 1,000 people – people who are considered my “Facebook friends,” but in reality, most of them are people who I don’t know at all.

facebook

The truth is, most of these friends aren’t. They are people I haven’t talked to in years – if ever at all. Men and women who in some former life I was once connected to as a child… like the girl I wanted to be friends with in high school and never was, the football star who was once too popular to be in my social circle and is now working as a part time plumber and living with his parents at the prime age of 27. Or the ex-friend who broke ties and never speaks to me but still has a quirky web presence and an awesome adorable cat that I enjoy seeing.

Some how, in some way, I feel connected to all of these people. Involved. A part of their lives. But in a lot of other ways that make more sense, I am not at all a part of theirs.

This is social media. This is the world we live in. And this is what we see every single day – the reminder of what everyone else is doing, how they are living, and whether or not they are happy. And we are constantly scrolling through the lives of other people just to fill or waste the time in our own. Whether you do it in the middle of the day, before bed or in the morning with a cup of caffeine, you do it. You sift through post after post of a world of old friends that, to be honest, aren’t friends in the sense we knew growing up.

We Like it. We hate it. We love it. We laugh at it. We sometimes even envy it. Post after post we feel emotions. In the beginning of my college years, Facebook was a place to feel good. It was a place to post all the great exciting things you were doing and okay, yes, sometimes stalk an ex boyfriend or two. But as I have gotten older, Facebook has turned into something far more complicated – a place to feel doubt in the authenticity of your own life. “Am I doing it right?” “Is my happiness as true as everyone else’s?”

I see pictures from girls I went to high school with who are still going out and getting together… and I wonder why I don’t do that. Or why I don’t have old high school friends to do it with.

I see pictures of romantic dates from girls who are still in love with their high school sweet hearts and I wonder if my life is full of enough romance.

I see pictures of proposals and weddings and I wonder if my life is moving fast enough.

And then I see pictures of Facebook friends having babies. Lots and lots of babies. Crawling, Walking, Graduating from Kindergarten – doing things that I never once pictured celebrating in my own life or taking a picture of and posting to Facebook because I don’t have kids… and then I wonder if I am wrong for not wanting something that so many other people are doing and wanting and feeling so much happiness from.

That thought exhausts me.

But alas, this is Facebook: The land of second guessing yourself.

The truth is Facebook is the world where you go to wonder if you are doing it right. Facebook is the place to ask yourself if you are happy as you can be based on how happy other people are. Facebook is the place to feel better about yourself because perfect people you once knew are now a mess. The place where you feel worse about yourself for other people having their shit so well put together. The place where you can go and wonder about whether or not you should watch that TV show because everyone else is. Or should you buy that hand bag because it was on 20 other friends’ pages this month.

It is the land of peer pressure to the extreme. And if everyone is doing it why aren’t you?

We live in a world of opportunity… and with Facebook connecting us, we are constantly wondering if we are taking the right ones based on what everyone else is doing.

If you ever felt this way, you aren’t alone. It’s funny that I am writing a post trying to connect us on the topic of Facebook connecting us, but it is true. We aren’t alone on this issue. I would certainly hate it if no one had any relatable feelings to this article, but I am pretty sure a few of you out there can relate to this. And that is okay.

It is okay to recognize this feeling of second guessing your life based on what everyone else is doing with theirs. It’s a common natural feeling. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed. But what would be even better than second guessing is to just understand that it’s okay to live your life against the norm of others. If you are the girl sticking out like  a sore thumb on your newsfeed for doing different things with your life compared to others – don’t hide from it. Fucking own it. It doesn’t matter what Sally from high school is doing seven years later. it doesn’t matter who your former crush married and shacked up with. Sure their lives are cool and exciting but they should in no way dictate your own. Your life is your life and if it’s different than everyone else’s that’s something to be proud of. So go ahead and say fuck it to everyone else’ happiness and just go figure out what happiness means to you. And if that means taking a break for Facebook for a while just to figure out what it is you feel and want for yourself, then go do it. Don’t let Facebook keep you from feeling good about your own life based on how many emoji’s you get on that picture of you and your dog.

Make your own freekin emoji filled life.

 

Lauren Signature
Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

learnmoreabouttheprogram

Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection

Don’t Quit Your Day Dream… A Story About Success and Failure

Don’t Quit Your Day Dream… A Story About Success and Failure

When I was a little girl, I loved to sing and act. So much so that by the time I was in my second year of high school, It was pretty much all I did with my free time.  I performed in every theater show our school had, took acting classes AND chorus classes just to get the most experience possible. And when that wasn’t enough to fuel my hunger for the stage, I took things a step further, auditioning for shows at community theaters, shelling out every earned dollar I had on  acting books and broadway show scores.

I was so invested in my calling for the stage that I did what most kids in my rich private high school didn’t do – worked two part time jobs. Every weekend I would wake up at 6am, and  work at bagel stores just to rummage up enough cash to pay for one Sunday voice lesson with the greatest teacher I could find (and afford) in NYC.

It started when I was little, but somewhere along the way of my teenage years my love for a hobby turned into my mission in life: To me, my number one goal was to be a successful performer on broadway. I made performing the foundation for what I dreamed would be my future adult life. I imagined me as an adult living in a small apartment working as a waitress to make ends meet and going to audition after audition until I got that great big shot at a lead roll on broadway. And to me, at the time, that imaginary life was perfect.  And I decided that no matter what, I was going to make that dream life a reality:  I was going to succeed. No matter what.

Until I failed.

howtokeepdreamingaboutthefuture

It was college audition season. The time where potential college students and their “stage moms” made trips across the country to showcase their talents.. the way artsy theater kids “applied for college.”  It was what we considered to be the most vital moment of our professional lives (even if we were only 17): The moment where you are judged by the people who truly matter – the people who decide if you are worth a shot at pursuing this professionally… the people who accept or deny you into college performing art departments.

Theater stage moms were just as serious about these moment as the kids were – promoting and raving about their child’s talent to any parent who would listen. Unfamiliar with the whole experience, my mother politely listened as mom after mom raved about their child’s amazing performance in last seasons rendition of this show and that show and blah blah blah. She didn’t know my resume. She just wanted me to be happy. And if this was it, that was fine by her.

I auditioned. I was judged. And I was sort of accepted. Waitlisted by the college of my choice. It hurt. My dreams were crushed. I didn’t press it anymore I didn’t fight for my school.. and I knew they wouldn’t fight for me….  Instead, I decided to give up on my dream of performing and enrolled in my safety school in a small town in New Jersey — Unknowingly saying goodbye to the theater world forever.

It wasn’t my intention to give up performing. In fact, I picked my safety school with the intention of getting involved in the small theater groups available on campus. But the truth was I no longer felt that  focus and determination I once devoted to the craft. The passion was gone. It was gone because… well, what was the point right? I mean who cares?

But inside, I cared. And years later I am wondering why I gave up on something I dearly loved – something that made me happy, brought me joy, and made me feel creative. Why did I give up my outlet of artistic expression?

I’ll tell you why. Because I was trying so hard to be seriously good at something so that I could be “successful” like great adults are.

I was trying to be an adult. Because grownups don’t have hobbies. Because big girls in college don’t play pretend in their free time… big girls get internships and start working on their resumes.

And then after college, serious successful people don’t have time for the things they love if they aren’t directly related to their career. If they do, then they are being lazy or not as focused on their jobs as they should be right?

But years later here I am a full blown adult. I am successful, I am responsible, and on most levels, I pretty much have it together. But there is something I don’t have. My passion. My joy. My therapy. My voice.

Now I am here all grown and actually scared of trying to sing again… something that when I was a kid you couldn’t keep me from even if you tried. I feel scared to jump back into a passion I loved wondering if I still have that talent… wondering if it will still bring me that joy. and Scared by the idea that maybe it won’t.

The point of this story isn’t to argue my talent. The point of this story isn’t to teach you more about who I am or where I have been – though I hope you have enjoyed the narrative. The point is far more applicable to your life – The point is there is more than one thing that makes us who we are. There is more to us than just our careers or our relationships, our status as mothers or girlfriends or wives… as professional career woman or otherwise.

Just because you are aiming to be a successful person doesn’t mean you give up the things that you aren’t perfect at. Why give it up just to make room for more professional meetings and overtime hours at your job? Our passions make us who we are even when we aren’t the best at them. They are the things that bring us joy, make us feel whole. They are the things that we look back on and wish we did more of.

I am twenty seven and I am jumping back into a hobby that was once my whole life. And this time it won’t be. And that is okay. What matters most is not being perfectly successful.. what matters is  that I look back and remember all of the joy that hobby brought me and how close it makes me feel to the person  I truly am.

The moral of the story is simple… don’t quit your day dream…. just … look at it a little differently. Don’t give up on the things you love just because you are an adult trying to be “successful.”  Because even if those passions don’t make for a permanent sustainable career.. they make you YOU.

And being true to yourself is the most successful thing you can possibly do in this world.

 

Lauren Signature
Image for End of Posts Perfection Program

Sign up for Your Free Life Coach Guide! Find Confidence, Feel Beautiful and Transform your Happiness step by step. Make an Amazing Change for Your Life. I'll give you the tools to make it happen!

learnmoreabouttheprogram

Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection