Finding Happiness: 27 Lessons I Learned in Life

Finding Happiness: 27 Lessons I Learned in Life

Today is my 27th birthday!! I’m feeling so nostalgic about my life right now it’s ridic. Who I used to be and who I am today are two crazy totally different people. But sometimes I forget that what comes natural to me as a self confidence teacher and life coach wasn’t always this easy.  So as a birthday gift to all ya’ll I’m gonna get real about lessons learned in life and give you my solid 27 most important beliefs.

Sound good?

lessons learned in life what is perfection

Step one:

Lessons Learned in Life: Learning to Be True to Yourself

The truth:

1. Not Everyone Is Going to Like You or Agree With You.  Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to approve of the choices you make in life, and that is always okay.  I wrote this other post how to stop caring what other people think of you a while back. Check it out if you need help.

2. The Decisions You Make For Your Life Are Never Wrong. There is no such thing as making a mistake. Everything is a learning opportunity. Decisions (whether they result in a positive or negative outcome) are an opportunity to grow and become a more unique person.

3. Other People Are Usually Wrong About What is Right For You. You can ask a million people in the world what to do about a problem you are facing. Ultimately, no one will understand the unique feelings you have in your heart for whatever it is you are going through. Being True to yourself sometimes means following your own path and learning lessons the hard way.

4. Being Unique Is A Gift, Not An Embarrassment. Thinking differently, seeing the world differently, being different — these are all qualities you should embrace if you have them. Being different is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Standing out isn’t something to be ashamed of. Trying to fit in is just a waste of time.

Taking Control of Your Own Life

5. There is Nothing You Are Ever Obligated To Do. As an Adult, you are in control of your life. It doesn’t matter what decisions you are making, you never have to do something for other people. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. If you don’t want to stay in a relationship, then end it. You should always do what makes you happy – big major lesson learned in life if you ask me.

6. Don’t Alter Your Personality For Other People. If someone tells you that you need to change who you are, then you need to change who you share your life with. If others call you “too emotional” or “too dramatic” or “too much of a jokester,” eff those people, yo. You need to be solid in your beliefs and confident in your identity. If someone else doesn’t connect with it, then find someone who does.

7. Don’t Ever Be Ashamed of What Makes You Happy. Whatever hobbies you have, whatever passions fill your life outside of work, and whatever brings you joy should never be compromised. What makes you happy is never something to be embarrassed about.

8.Letting Go is Not Failing… It is Moving On. You can walk away from anything in life, but you should never feel like a failure because of it. Just because you end a relationship or quit your job doesn’t mean that you failed at being good at those things. It just means you are figuring out what isn’t right for you. That isn’t a lesson learned in life about why you suck:  It’s a lesson about growing as a person and making room for better things in your future.

9. Your Hardships Make You Who You Are. Any terrible thing you ever experience in your life makes you stronger. Any horrible moment you needed to fight through makes you a warrior. Don’t Ever let those difficult moments hold you back from growing in the future. Lessons learned in life about struggle, and overcoming obstacles make you stronger.

finding happiness what is perfection

Lessons Learned in Life About Love

10. Past Relationships Are Full Of Amazing Lessons. Anything You ever experience in your past relationships should be a lesson learned in life that makes you more of an amazing partner in the future. Recognizing what love is can be just as important as recognizing what isn’t.

11. Loving Someone Means Letting Go of Your Fear. Loving someone.. truly loving someone.. is taking a leap and exposing your heart without holding back.

12. Love is About Honesty. Don’t ever lie about how you feel, who you are or what you need. Never hold back from asking your partner to provide you something you need in a relationship. If you are with the right person, they will be able to provide it all.

13. Showing Love is Different For Everyone. Not everyone shows love the same way. Not everyone receives love the same way either. Finding happiness in your relationship comes when you recognize that you and your partner may speak different languages of love. And that’s okay. Check out this post on the language of love if you need more info.

 

Overcoming Challenges

14. Challenges Make You Stronger. Moments of stress or tension in a relationship are natural. But how you work through those challenges and the lessons learned in life together are the lessons that make you stronger.

15. Love Isn’t Everything. You can love someone who is wrong for you. It is possible. It happens. But don’t have to hang on to a relationship just because you love the person. If they are truly wrong for you, walking away is okay.

16. Love Comes When You Least Expect It. True love can happen around any corner. And being single, and finding your own happiness can lead to unexpected true love.

17. You Should Never Try To Change Someone Else. Don’t waste your time trying to change someone. So don’t hang on to a relationship because you think that person will “come around.” Simply walk away, and find someone who shares your values.

18. Loving Yourself Is More Important than Loving Someone Else. You will never have a healthy relationship with someone else if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself. Of all the lessons learned in life, when it comes to romance, this one is the most important. Because you need to learn to establish your self worth and your values before you can have a solid healthy relationship with someone else.

cutehearttealwip

The Other Important Lessons Learned in Life

19. Celebrate whatever moments you want to remember forever…. even if they are not memorable to someone else.

20. Learn to Forgive, but also never forget the lesson you learned!

21. Follow your dreams even if it scares you… because the thought of living unhappy for the rest of your life is scarier than failing.

22. Everyone has a different path to finding joy in their life… whoever judges you for having a different path is just jealous or narrow minded.

23. Don’t Ever Live for other people. Live for yourself.

24. Getting rid of all the negativity in your life opens doors to unexpected happiness you never thought possible.

25. If you Don’t Take Chances in your life, then you aren’t living.

26. It’s okay to let go of the people you feel are holding you back from being happy.

27. Always Keep Growing, learning and improving. Keep Trying. Keep Taking Risks. Keep Believing. Keep Fighting. Never. Ever. Give. Up.Lauren Signature
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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Speak Your Mind – Even When It Scares You

Speak Your Mind – Even When It Scares You

I was always one of those girls who was afraid to say what was really on her mind. Most of the time, I think it was because I was afraid of how I would be perceived by others if my thoughts or ideas weren’t in line with their views. To speak your mind can be an easy thing for some people — but for me, it wasn’t. Ever see that movie Mean Girls where all the girls go along with Gretchen because they want her approval? Yeah….  pretty lame right?

But when it came to relationships, I was especially quite. I was ALWAYS the one to go along with whatever my guy wanted to do.  I felt like, often times if I was honest or clear about what I wanted, and I DIDN’T get it, then the disappointment would make me feel worse than if I just went along with whatever my partner wanted to do.

Examples?

“What Movie Do You Want to Watch Tonight?”

“What do you want to do for dinner?”

“What should we do this weekend?”

Questions like this would make my mind wander — what does HE want? I would ask myself. I wanted to be easy going, and relaxed for my guy. I wanted to be the one to let him be HIMSELF and do what HE wanted. But what about me? What about my needs? And what about my originality?

learninghowtospeakyourmind

Speaking your mind is so important to your authenticity and being true to yourself.  As part of the Improving Yourself Challenge, today’s assignment is to stand up and Speak your mind! Find one way to be honest and forth coming about the person you are and what your needs are. Why is it important? Well…. that’s what today’s post is all about.

 

Speak Your Mind – How To Stand Up And Make Decisions for Yourself

Keeping Quite about what you are really thinking or want for you does a number of damaging things — to yourself, and to the relationship.

When you start making decisions based on what other’s want — then you aren’t making decisions any more! You aren’t being true to what YOU want, what YOU are looking for, and what YOU need. As a result, you stop growing. You stop being original, and you stop caring for your own needs because you are so focused on someone else!

speak your mind what is perfection

There was a moment in my current relationship where I broke this habit. My guy made it clear that he didn’t fall in love with me because I had the same interests or passions as he did. He actually liked me because I was different! That got me thinking: If your partner doesn’t love you for being original, than it’s time to look for someone else to share your life with — someone who appreciates our interests even if they aren’t in line with theirs!

speak your mind what is perfection

So here’s how you learn to speak your mind:

  1. Start making Decisions! They can be small choices like where to go for dinner or what to do on a cozy Friday night at home — but whatever it is, the more decisions you start to make, the more comfortable you will be with making the even bigger decisions in the future — like what type of new car to buy, or what vacation you want to take. Starting small by being honest about what you want will get you asking the important questions: what is it that YOU want.
  2. Stop Worrying About What Other People Think: When you worry about how others will perceive your desires or interests, you are making choices based on other people – and that’s no bueno. If you Speak your mind and quickly find yourself asking “I wonder if so and so thinks this is a good idea,” then you aren’t being true to yourself. Try to reframe your mind by quickly affirming to yourself – “This is What I want. This is MY decision.”
  3. Take Joy in Things that Bring YOU joy – not just because they bring others joy: The wording is complicated here, but it makes sense. When I was younger, I made choices for my life based on what I thought others wanted me to make – things like picking my career path because I thought it was something that would make my dad proud, or getting married because my family would be more accepting of my relationship, or even wearing certain outfits to work because I thought that my colleagues would consider me more professional if I dressed like them. But the truth is, I was doing all of these things because I was hoping to feel a satisfaction from someone else REACTION to my decisions. My CHOICES didn’t bring me joy at all — in fact, they were completely out of line with what I wanted. The minute I started making decisions because I knew they would make ME happy, and not someone else, I became more honest, more confident, and more happy. So When it comes to making a choice, try to marvel in the joy it brings you when you make it!

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Tips on Job Interviews : How To Impress Future Employers

Tips on Job Interviews : How To Impress Future Employers

Need some Job interview tips? Want to Impress your future employer?

Interviews: everyone has to have them. It’s how you get a job… and basically how you advance in your professional life; but because it can be a make or break moment for some people, it can also feel intimidating! But remember: You are trying to convince someone that you are worth it. And you are!

havingasuccessfuljobinterview

From the moment you step into the building, what you say and how you say it, as well as how you present yourself, is so important. Even though  your interview will never be perfect, there are so many things you can do to keep yourself as calm and professional as possible.

Here are some Job Interview Tips to help you land your job and impress your employers, starting with the most important rule: 

Always be yourself.

Job Interview Tips1. Be Authentic. Your résumé doesn’t show your radiant smile, or how friendly you are to everyone you meet, so remember to let yourself shine! Your one-on-one interview is your opportunity to prove that you are more than a good GPA and 200 hours of internship experience.

2. Always Dress Professionally

 

Job Interview Tips

This means business professional. But don’t wear something that makes you uncomfortable. AKA do not wear heels that you can’t walk in or a tight skirt that gives you a major wedgie… not fun. You don’t want to be worrying about your outfit while trying to impress your interviewer.

But be careful. Don’t choose distracting accessories. Statement necklaces or big disco ball earrings should be saved for your nights out on the town- not your interview. They are only a distraction from what is important. You are the statement, not your jewelry.

Job Interview Tips

3. Be On Time and Be Prepared.

Job Interview Tips

Knowing how to be on time is extremely important because it shows that you are professional and that you take this opportunity very seriously. If you are late your future employer will definitely take note of your tardiness. Bring copies of your professional résumé (even if they already have it) and anything else you might need for the interview. Have it all ready to go in a neat and organized fashion. Know where everything is so you are not rummaging through your purse or briefcase. Oh. And silence your cell phone. There is nothing worse than your Hotline Bling ringtone blasting in the middle of answering a question. (Keep Reading… There’s more job interview tips)

4. Prevent falling into any nervous habits. If you play with your hair, put it up. If you bite your nails, paint on a clear coat before the interview. Again, you do not want to distract the interviewer from the conversation.

5. Make Eye Contact with Your Interviewer.Job Interview TipsThis is not The Notebook. Unless Ryan Gosling is interviewing you, unbreakable eye contact could make things awkward. But it is important to make sure you are engaged in the conversation. Express interest and stay focused.

 

6.Be courteous to every person you encounter.

Job Interview Tips

Your interview starts the minute you step into the building. Whether it is saying hello to the receptionist or holding the door for someone behind you, be kind. Politeness goes a long way.

 

7. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously.

Job Interview Tips

Obviously take the interview seriously, but remember, you are allowed to have a little fun and show your personality. You can smile, you can laugh. You don’t have to feel so tense and uptight. Just be yourself and you will be fine.

8. Finally: Be CONFIDENT.

Have faith in your abilities and only speak of yourself and your experiences in a positive way. You are qualified, hardworking, and you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Job Interview Tips

 

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

Can Long Distance Relationships Work? YES!

My Sister and her husband fell in love at a very young age, and when they went off to college they were faced with a challenge: Making Long Distance Relationships work.

Not everyone is so encouraging about trying to make your high school relationship work after graduation: Some people say you may be too young, or too naive to try and make things work in your new college life. This is especially true if your college happens to be hours away from your true love.

Long Distance Relationships

So How Can Long Distance Relationships Be Successful?

I recently asked her what the secret was to making long distance relationships work, and how her and her guy managed to succeed through four years of college: They were hours away from each other.

longdistancerelationshipswork

She came up with a list for me: How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work. 

These tips are so on point to having a successful Long Distance Relationship with your guy.

Long Distance Relationships

  1. You Need to be Committed: Nothing you ever do is successful if you don’t commit to success. This is especially true when it comes to succeeding in long distance relationships. You both need to believe that this can work. The relationship will only be successful if you both make a commitment to wanting to make the situation work for the both of you, and believing that it will.
  2. Prioritize Communications: College is already a busy time full of packed schedules, homework assignments and new chores you may or may not be used to doing since living on your own. Making new friends and building new relationships in your new college world is really important, but Long Distance Relationships work when the two of you decide to value and prioritize the opportunities you two have to talk. Be sure to schedule talks on the phone, Skype dates or FaceTime chats. My sister told me that in the 4 years they were in college, her and her guy didn’t go a day without talking. The long distance relationships that succeed are the ones where the couple set aside time for each other — even if it is just for five minutes.
  3. Make Long Distances Relationships Work by Being Old Fashioned: One of the greatest things you can do for keeping the tension of long distance low is to embrace the old fashion cute ways of communication: Write letters to each other, or send emails. My sister had a cute story about how her guy once bought a daily calendar notebook, and wrote down one sweet thing to her each day in the book: she got it as a gift that year!
  4. Plan for the Future, and Have a Goal to Work Towards: The truth is, when they are done correctly, Long Distance Relationships can be exciting!! Even though you see each other less, when you do you see each other, it can feel like a wonderful holiday! My sister always had a visit to look forward to and made sure that even if it was five months down the road, her long distance relationship visits were planned and scheduled so she was always having something to look forward to.
  5. Never go to Bed Angry: this is a rule that applies to any relationship, long distance or not — but being far away from your guy can make the possibility of  “out of sight out of mind” a dangerous one. If you too have a little fight, be sure to talk it out before going to bed. There is nothing worse than letting an argument linger and snow ball, and being long distance and away from each other makes that possibility a bit more likely .
  6. Be Willing to Make Sacrifices: There may be times where you have to give up going to a party or a special school event because you have a scheduled visit with your guy. You should never compromise the other areas of your life, but Long Distance Relationships are going to require some sacrifices too. You may have to miss a few events on campus to go to take that trip to visit your someone special instead. Make sure your relationship is balanced though: you should both be sacrificing equally in the overall. But don’t compromise your school work or your own success. School should come fist of course,  but be sure to not jeopardize your relationships’ success either by not balancing your priorities properly.
  7. Shut Out Criticism: Not everyone believes Long Distance Relationships work. And that’s okay, because ultimately, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You need to be sure that you don’t let what other people think about your relationship affect you. Be sure to shut out the negative nancy comments from friends and family. If you believe you can succeed yourself, it truly doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

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Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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What To Do When Your Partner is Addicted to Drugs

What To Do When Your Partner is Addicted to Drugs

Choose happiness. At any time you possibly can, choosing happiness is so important. Here’s a lesson I learned on how sometimes, that choice isn’t always easy.

It’s true. Falling out of love can happen. But in my case, I didn’t exactly fall out. I was pushed out. By Heroin.

My husband and I had been together for five years by the time I found out he was addicted to drugs. We had been married for only one of those years, but still, in the time we had been together, I really thought I knew who he was.

But then his addiction started seeping into our relationship and he couldn’t hide it anymore. Money started disappearing. Fighting became more of a constant in our relationship. He started lying about small things that made no sense to be lying about. He stopped looking me in the eyes when he spoke to me. And there were more nights I woke up to find him sick on the couch than I could count.

I didn’t know at the time, but these were all warning signs that the person I loved was falling head first into the cycle of drug addiction.

Many of you who know me and are reading this may think this is a bit of TMI here. I beg to differ. Important stories can make people uncomfortable. Tough. You don’t have to read this. For everyone with a loved one going through something like this, and for everyone going through it themselves, this is for you.

howtoletgowhenyourparnterisaddicted

 

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up: You are not the cause of your loved one’s addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous teaches addicts to accept the fact addiction is a disease they did not choose to have. Though the idea is controversial, one thing is true: It may or may not be your loved one’s fault — but it is certainly NOT  yours. Stop thinking back to every stressful situation you may or may not have contributed to. And Stop thinking that you are to blame. You are not the cause. Something bigger is

2. Stop Enabling: There is so much literature on this, and if your loved one really does have an addiction, I suggest you pick up a series of self help books on this topic to educate yourself. I’ll keep it short though: Don’t make using drugs easier for the one you love… because if you do, you are only making it harder for them to stop

3. Educate Yourself: There is so much many of us do not know about the struggle of being an addict. Even though I have been exposed to the drug world in my life — I admit there is so much I am not aware of. The best thing you can do for your loved on is to try to understand as best you can. Read books, speak to experts, go visit an AA Meeting. There are so many ways you can be more of a value to your loved one, but the best way to be a solid support system is by being an educated one. So go read a book. (Note: In my experience, reading memoirs of struggling addicts was a huge awakening experience for me. I have selected a few of my favorite for you at the bottom of this post.) 

4. Don’t Compromise Your Own Values: This is something we should always live by, but is especially true in situations like this. It is really important to do your best to not lose yourself in the process of trying to save someone you love. If you find yourself trying to be there for someone that in your heart you know is wrong for you  — walk away. And that leads me to the next point.

5. It is OKAY to Walk Away: In my situation, I struggled for about a year trying to help the person I loved. So many people in my life were traditional and old fashion in their views of marriage “is forever,” and I was so afraid to let everyone down. Eventually I walked away because I knew the relationship was only providing me an incredibly unhealthy foundation for my own life. Let me be clear, if you love someone, it is okay to fight for them during a time like this. It’s okay to stay and be there for them and try to encourage them to kick their addiction. But if you feel like in your gut this is only the beginning of a disastrous life — if you feel like in your heart of hearts that this person you love will only be harmful to the potential happiness you have for your  own life — and if you feel like the pros of leaving outweigh the cons — Walk Away. Don’t look back. I still send my x-husband light and love every moment I think of him. But I walked away. I walked away because I knew my life would never be the way I wanted it to be if I had stayed. And I knew he wasn’t ready to give up his love for a drug to stay in a loving relationship with me. Leaving was painful, but it was the best thing I could do for myself. You are all you have.

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Divider what is perfection

What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

Divider what is perfection