Hey girls.. so yesterday on Whatisperfection.com I got real about a part of my own story – what happened in my life when I walked away from my ex. And how my world felt like it was falling apart – but then later, how I realized it was such an awesome thing to happen.
Yeah.. looking back, I am so super happy that my life fell apart. Because it changed my life in so many awesome ways.
But did it feel that happiness when it was happening? Um.. HECK NO. Having your life fall apart totally sucks. Like, going to the dentist and getting your teeth pulled kinda-suck.
If you didn’t check out yesterday’s story, you can read it here.)
But if you did read that post, you’re probably wondering: How the heck can I make that happen for myself?
How do you go from feeling so shitty after a breakup to feeling so rockstar awesome!?
Good thing you’re reading this post so I can share the deets.
I could dish out all my secrets and tips for how to drastically revamp your life, but then you would be spending a heck of a lot of time reading this article.
Which is why I threw EVERYTHING into a 30 Day Course called Broken to Beautiful that you can check out here.
But for the time being, let’s get real about some magical things you can do after a break up to start feeling a little bit better.
Repairing Your Life After a Breakup
Try believing that you aren’t breaking up to be alone. You are breaking up to date yourself.
This is one of the most powerful things we can do: change our mindset, and start looking at things differently. When I became single for the first time (in a long time) I really struggled with the idea of “being alone,” because it was something I just had no clue how to do. I mean seriously it had been a LONGGG time since I was single, and I really had no idea how to do it. So what did I do instead? Well.. I did the thing I knew EXACTLY how to do: be in a relationship. Except instead of being with someone else, I focused instead on BEING WITH ME. Yes. I full out dated myself. I made Saturday afternoon plans to go to the movies and treated myself to fancy dinners. I spent time getting to know myself like I was a new strange person in my life (and when you are single for the first time, yeah it kind of feels that way so it’s easy to pretend.) But that simple change in mindset totally helps.
He was a jerk. Remember… he was a jerk.
And if you forget, I recommend making a list. There is a fantastic exercise we do in the Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Course that is focused around this sole premise. Get out a pen and paper and make a list of all the ways your relationship did you damage. It is much easier to feel good about walking away from a relationship when you remember how bad it was. (And sometimes, when we are alone, we quickly forget that.)
Make your single life an adventure
So, just touching on that first point there – where I talked about “dating yourself,” let’s just elaborate: Be the BEST freekin girlfriend EVER to yourself. One of the ways I learned how to enjoy my free time was by making a single girls bucket list. There’s a free E-guide for it! (just click here)
But making an “experience” out of your new found single life definitely helps in the process of healing. It’s an awesome way to do all the things you always wanted to do *and never did.*
Start repairing yourself rather than the relationship.
Self Love and Personal Development is the first big badass step to healing your heart. I am not saying you need to go out and completely transform your life the minute you end a break up, but I can probably guess that the thought of that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. The biggest best thing you can do for yourself after a heart break is rediscover yourself. Learn how to strengthen your self love, learn the painful lessons this breakup is really offering you and make the most out of the experience.
It isn’t about fixing the relationship anymore. It’s about fixing your heart. And that all starts from within.
Hope these tips help! Also, check out these free E-guides for healing heart break!
I get asked this question a lot: “What should I enroll in? The Perfection Program, or the Broken to Beautiful Course? Which one is right for me?” In the course section of What is Perfection, there are two big 30 day programs to choose from. So if you’re that girl wanting to enroll in a self improvement program, but you aren’t sure which one is right for you – I’m gonna break it down for ya.
The Perfection Program and The Broken to Beautiful Course
-Both are 30 Day programs.
-Both have amazing success stories.
-Both are life transforming.
So which one do you pick?
About the Two Self Improvement Programs
The Perfection Program is a 30 day program for the girl who feels unhappy, insecure, and unbeautiful. In 30 days you set new goals for your life, learn how to let go of limiting beliefs and start rebuilding your confidence. You learn how to redefine “Perfection” so you can start actually fulfilling your dreams of living a perfectly happy life. You get specific and identify exactly what insecurities/fear factors are the cause of you feeling unfulfilled in your life. You re-identify the emotions you are longing for vs. the emotions that you have and create a custom roadmap for feeling happy confident and successful in your life.
The Broken to Beautiful Course is a 30 day program for the girl who wants to stop living in unhealthy unhappy relationship. In 30 days you set new goals for your love life, learn how to let go of the unhealthy limiting relationship beliefs that you’ve established from your past and start rebuilding your confidence. You learn how to let go of the fear and doubt your previous relationship has formed in your life. Create a custom roadmap for happiness and a new future as a single woman, or as a woman who no longer tolerates unhappiness in her love life. Let go of the pain of a past relationship and start healing your heart so you can find true love.
How The Programs Are The Same:
Whether you enroll in the Perfection Program or the Broken to Beautiful Program,
here’s what will happen in 30 days:
The Differences Between Broken to Beautiful and the Perfection Program:
So, these programs, while both all encompassing and focusing on self improvement, are tailored to two different groups.
The Perfection Program is really for the girl who just feels unhappy overall in her life. Who feels like she deserves more confidence, and wants to start making positive changes for her life. While she may have been in unhealthy relationships in the past, those relationships are not the driving force of her need to change.
The Broken to Beautiful program is for the girl who is really in need of repair from damaging past relationships. She is so heartbroken from being in unhealthy relationships that she has had enough and feels ready to change.
In a nut shell, this is the difference between these two programs.
So that about does it ladies:
the simple quick breakdown of the two awesome programs that are here to help you transform your life!
Now Go check them out and get started on your journey today!
Have questions still? Shoot me a note or post a comment below!
Ready for an awesome breakup quiz? — I know, I know… how can a breakup be awesome right? I mean – the words breakup and awesome don’t exactly go together.
But they do here.
Because I am about to give you the simple questions you need to ask before breaking up. So that when you actually do, you feel your bad ass confident self is making the right choice.
Okay. Here we go. But first things first
It’s really easy to get wrapped up in everything our relationship used to offer us. After all, we didn’t exactly fall in love with our partner for the same reasons we are falling out of love right? If you feel ready to call it quits though, check this post for the steps on exactly how to move on after a breakup. If not, keep reading.
A lot of us sit in limbo trying to figure out if this walking away is the right decision for us because we just aren’t sure what to do. We feel stuck. Sometimes we are afraid of being alone. So we hold onto our unhealthy relationship. Other times, we just feel scared we are making the wrong decision.
But whatever the reasons are for contemplating walking away, the first thing I tell all my clients to do is to start asking the RIGHT questions.
And today I am going to share some of those with you.
The Questions Before The Breakup Quiz
Does this person make me feel whole or make me feel less than?
Nine times out of ten, my clients tell me that their relationships make them feel less than they know they deserve to feel. After all, I coach women who are completely at their breaking point. They are pretty certain their partners are preventing their happiness when they come to me for guidance. But not all of us have reached that “rock bottom” moment just yet. Asking yourself how this person makes you feel on a regular basis is important. Because it’s easy to get wrapped up in all the things you wish you could change. And so sometimes we forget how to see things for what they really are in their current state. Forget how your relationship used to be. How is your relationship right now?
Does my relationship fill me with happiness and security or does it leave me feeling empty and full of doubt
Relationships are full of all different kinds of emotions. Even in the healthiest of relationships we can experience frustration, anger and doubt. But asking yourself how your relationship feels to you on the WHOLE (meaning weekly or monthly) is good way of evaluating your experience. Your relationship should never take your self worth away. It should never fill your heart with sadness or doubt more than it is a source of comfort and safety.
Do I rely on this relationship to provide me all of my happiness? Or are my expectations for this relationship realistic?
This is a big important one guys. So so many of us are not complete whole and happy individuals ourselves. I see this so often in my coaching program. Women come to me feeling like their relationships are not providing them the emotions they wish they had in their lives. Which is a good thing to recognize. But when you are relying on your love life to be your only source of salvation and happiness -you have a problem. We cannot place demands on our partner asking them for things that we don’t provide for ourselves first and foremost.
The Breakup Quiz
Did you get all of those questions out of the way? Good. I hope so. Still feel stuck? Don’t worry. Grab this free printable guide to take a little breakup quiz for yourself. This Question form will help you uncover the strongest sources of emotion in your relationship to help you figure out whether or not you should stay or go. If the light bulb goes off and you realize it’s time to walk away but you’re still shaking in your lady boots don’t worry. Check out the Perfection Program to start making your dramatic life transformation and healing your heart step by step.
Get on those sexy heals and walk your gorgeous ass out of that unhealthy relationship girl! Okay, sure, it’s easier said than done sometimes right? Because learning how to move on after a break up can be a really hard thing to do. And it’s especially difficult when we are walking away from a relationship that we have been in for really long time right? I mean – it seems like the longer we are in it, the harder it is to find the courage to break away and move on.
Years ago, before I built my confidence and self love, I found myself single for the first time and struggling to feel good about it. Okay, “struggling” is a kind choice of words. I was emotional wreck! I was on my own for the first time in five years. The relationship I walked away from was unhealthy, abusive and emotional destructive. So here I was feeling lost and alone. “How the heck can I feel good about being by myself?” I needed to learn how to move on after a break up and rebuild my life. And no joke, it wasn’t easy.
But it was one of the most important lessons I could learn. So Let’s talk about it. So you can learn it too.
Taking the First Step and Calling it Quits
Majority of women stay in relationships way longer than they know is good for them. So many women I coach stay in their unhappy romances because they try to “make it work” or “fix the relationship.” They know they aren’t getting what they need from their partner, but they are hoping that if they work hard enough at the relationship then maybe they will.
If you’re one of these women, don’t be ashamed. Trust me. You aren’t the only one out there guilty of this.
This is how things usually play out:
First, you start feeling unhappy. It’s almost like something is missing in your life that you really want but don’t know how to find. So you start trying to fix the relationship and alter it so you can finally get what you need. You want the person you fell in love with long ago to be the one person that provides you everything you need. So you try to make it work. but then at some point you realize you can’t get what you want and you never will. So what do you do? Do you call it quits right then and there? Some women do.. but most ladies out there don’t.
Majority of women will think about the decision for a while before they actually make the choice to walk away. They start weighing the pros and cons of being single again to make sure it is the right decision. We start asking ourselves questions like, “Should I do this?” and “Is this the right choice for me?”
Toying with the idea of becoming a single woman again is much like shopping for a new pair of shoes.
Before we retire our old worn out converse for a pair of sexy stilettos, we want to be sure we are making the right choice.
And so what do we do? We try them on first!
We start imagining what our routine would be like if we didn’t have our partner.
“What will my evenings be like?”
“Who will I call to tell about my day?”
“What will I do and who will I share my experiences with?”
And the scariest question of all – “Can I actually do this?”
You shop around the idea of being single in your head, and you imagine what walking around as single woman would feel like for you. Is it comfortable? Does it make me feel good? Do I want to make this investment?
And then you have a choice – you can either put those sexy single girl stilettos back on the shelf, or you can be brave and take that first step towards independence. And if you have taken that first step and are reading this post – you know first hand that it’s an uphill climb: Learning how to move on after a break up.
Steps for Learning How to Move On After a Break Up
Okay.. So you buy the shoes. You are a single woman again. Amazing! But it hurts right? I mean, just continuing with this shoe analogy for a second here, sexy stilettos aren’t exactly comfortable. Especially if you haven’t worn them in a while. It takes time to get used to a new life walking in new shoes. And sometimes we need help learning how to move on after a breakup. We need to heal, recover, forgive ourselves and strengthen those sexy single girl calf muscles! So here’s how you do it. Here are some simple steps for learning how to move on after a breakup.
Replace your negative thoughts.
How many of you out there have ended a long term relationship and think that you can’t find someone else? Are you blaming yourself for why the relationship didn’t work? Do you feel like a failed human? It’s normal to think that way. But you need to do your best to replace those negative thoughts. Make a list of all the things that you are scared of. Get clear about what negative thoughts are holding you back from actually moving forward.
You need to replace that insecure mindset with positive beliefs. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself, but you will never learn how to move on after a break up if you are constantly feeling unworthy of a better life. Get clear about what you believe and start to replace all your negative thoughts with positive ones. “I deserve better” or “I can find true love again,” are mantras you should be reciting every day.
Start believing in your new positive mindset.
It’s one thing to just repeat crazy chants of positivity, but it’s way more inspiring when you start to believe it. Find a positive thought about why being single was a good decision. Make a list of all the wonderful opportunities you will now have as a single woman. If you want to start believing that you actually deserve better than your unhealthy relationship, you need to come up with reasons why you are worthy. Ask yourself, “Why do I deserve better?” What is so wonderful about you that makes you worthy (and capable) of having something better in your life. Getting clear about those reasons will only help you in the process of learning how to move on after a break up.
Find support and encouragement.
This is a really important vital component of moving forward in your life. When you aren’t used to being alone, you will definitely feel lonely in the beginning. It’s only natural. Find people in your life who are supportive of your decision and hold on to them tightly. Spend a few months embracing those people who are supportive of your decision to end your relationship. And do your best to rely on your healthy support system for learning how to move on after a break up. If there isn’t anyone in your life that you feel comfortable relying on, you can always join my community support group. It’s a free group where I provide women the resources and tools they need to recover from their unhealthy relationships.
Start setting goals and making plans
In the beginning, you are going to need to keep busy. It is only natural that you will feel some empty-ness in your life once you become a single woman. Fill it with things that bring you joy! Start setting goals for yourself and your new life as a single woman. Did you always want to join a gym but felt like you had no time to workout? Well guess what – you are single, go do it girl. Start focusing on your own personal development. Learning how to move on after a break up is really about learning how to “be you” again. Find the things you enjoy, and surround yourself with them constantly. You can even make a single girl bucket list! You can check out this post about it and get the free E-guide for your single girl goals!
Re-Establish your worth.
It’s really easy for women to define their worth based on how much other’s value them. And when our relationships go sour, we start to lose our sense of self confidence. So when you start learning how to move on after a break up, you will slowly need to rebuild your self worth. Start growing your confidence and focusing on rebuilding your identity. And don’t just do it by keeping busy and setting goals.
Practice self-esteem building exercises. Start journaling more often. Take a good hard look at yourself and start figuring out what makes you wonderful again. Now I know this is a really challenging complicated step for most women learning how to move on after a break up. So if you feel like you are in need of guidance and want to completely transform your life, you should check out the Perfection Program. This is a custom designed self confidence course for completely transforming your life and growing your worth. Go take a look.
I hope these tips help! If you are still searching, try these other posts:
And if you need some more guidance, check out that sexy E-guide for making a single girl bucket list!
So, the other day I started thinking about all you single ladies out there. And I was wondering, have any of you made a single girl bucket list?
Because when I was single, that’s what I did. And it rocked my world.
What is a Single Girl Bucket List
It’s basically exactly what it sounds like. A single girl bucket list is that awesome detailed check list of all the amazing things you want to do in your life, but can only really do when you are single. Well, maybe you CAN do them when you are in a relationship but they aren’t as fun. And maybe they come with more consequences. *winkie face*
Coming up with a single girl bucket list is a great way to feel happy when you start a new venture out of a relationship – especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been on the market.
I wrote an article a while back on learning how to be happy alone, because it’s important to find your worth outside of relationships. But spending your time wisely while you are livin la vida loca and actually enjoying your freedom may not come naturally in the beginning.
So if you’re that newly single girl struggling to fill your time and actually enjoy your freedom, then put down the tissues and get out your pen and paper to start crafting your single girl bucket list!
You are about to start brainstorming an amazing new adventure that makes you a women that Beyonce loves to sing about.
Ready single ladies?
Get ready to let your freak flag fly. Because nothing is off limits when you’re a single lady making her mark on the world .. except maybe the dangerous and self destructive stuff. Let’s maybe leave those things off the table okay?
My Single Girl Bucket List
Here’s an example of some of the things I put on my single girl bucket list when I ended my five year relationship.
1.Buy Myself Sexy Smelling Perfume.
2. Have a One Tree Hill TV Binge Sesh.
3. Have an at home spa day. (If you need ideas check out this post)
4. Go out on the town for a full blown girls night.
5. Go dancing.
6. Learn to dance.
7. Try hot yoga.
8. Redesign my apartment.
9. Try a new DIY project I’ve been wanting to do.
10. Read 50 Shades of Grey.
11. Have a makeover at sephora.
12. Go rock climbing.
13. Visit my best friend in Florida.
14. Sing Loudly in my apartment in my pajamas.
15. Buy sexy lingerie for me myself and I.
16. Go to a speed dating event.
17. Go to dinner and a movie by myself.
18. Make-out with a stranger.
19. dirty dance with a guy at the bar.
20. Get my nose pierced.
21. Get that haircut that he thought wasn’t sexy (but that I really wanted.)
22. Treat myself to a new sexy outfit.
23. Go to a hookah bar.
24. Take a vacation by myself.
25. Go for a massage and have a spa day.
26. Learn to love myself.
Need some help making an official list? Grab this! And check out my other tips for being single on the blog!