The Story of My Life Falling Apart

The Story of My Life Falling Apart

When My Love Life Turned My Life Upside Down

Let me take you back to 2012. The year my whole entire life changed. The year that (I think) actually catapulted me into the life I have now: full of self love, happiness, and joy. You see, before I became the What is Perfection Girl and developed all my online self improvement courses, I actually had a pretty messed up story to tell.

So here’s just a little part of it. Me: 2012.

My bank account was empty, and so was my  heart. I was about to walk away from my 5 year relationship. Actually.. I was really walking away.  Literally. Well.. more like running.

And all of my belongings were jam packed into a the back seat of my ’95 Honda Civic. I was done. Officially.

I decided it was time to leave my relationship because I was so sick of being hurt. It had been years of me trying to make it work and I guess I reached my breaking point. I don’t know what that “point” was specifically, but I definitely knew I was broken.  And so “over” the being lied to and the secrets. There were so many secrets.

Having your life physically fall apart in just a matter of months isn’t the worst part: It’s believing that you will never be able to put it back together again. My life was a big Humpty Dumpty Disaster, and I had no idea how to fix it.

In case you’ve never been in a story book like this one, let me tell you what happens next:

You feel hopeless. You start believing you will never be happy again. You form this idea that you are a miserable person who will always be miserable. You feel angry and resentful for the pain you are carrying. And you fall into a scary pitiful version of yourself you didn’t know existed.

You feel stuck, heartbroken, and angry. “I never asked for this.” or ‘Why me?” are very common mantras.

Ever been there? You know what I’m talking about.

And while other people may not feel like the world has ended, you sure as hell do.

The truth is, as painful as those moments are, having your world turn upside down can be the best thing that ever happened to you.

You just need to let it.

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Rebuilding and starting over.

Trying to put the pieces of my life back together was really scary. When you live for so long depending on your “other half” for things like happiness, love, and confidence, you kind of forget how to do those things for yourself. And trying learn how to do those things again for the first time is really hard.

But I promise you – now matter how hard it is, rebuilding your life and being able to look back on what you once had will make you feel so grateful for that experience. Because once you heal your heart, you will see just how wrong that past life was for you.

 

When My Life Turned Upside Down, It Changed for the Better.

Before my “Perfect Life” shattered in front of my eyes, I was living with rose colored glasses on. I didn’t see it then, but looking back six years later, I can see how truly unhappy I was. I was successful, happy, and loved by everyone else’s standards but my own. I wasn’t “truly fulfilled by my life” but I didn’t realize until it was taken from me.

To everyone else, my life was “perfect.” At least that’s what people told me. I had a “successful” career as a television news producer. At least that’s what other people said. I was a married young twenty-something who lived a loving happy wonderful life. At least that’s what other people saw.

When my marriage ended I was able to take off the rose colored glasses and see my life for what it really was: Something that caused me more unhappiness than joy. I had a life that I was “trying to make work,” rather than a life I truly wanted.

My life was never perfect because it wasn’t the life I wanted it to be.
I was never actually successful because I wasn’t pursuing my passion.
I didn’t feel wonderful or full of love because those qualities were only based on other people’s standards.

Picking up the pieces of my life and rebuilding myself became almost like a big art collage project. I was able to remove all the clutter, the garbage, the unnecessary and the negative; I started filling my life with all the things I truly wanted there. I recreated my life.

Looking back, six years later, I realize that I didn’t just leave a broken marriage: I left a broken life. And having the chance to rebuild it was the best most wonderful opportunity I ever had. It was a chance at a fresh start and new beginning: To makes something of myself that I truly wanted.

And it’s a chance that – if you’re struggling in an unhealthy unhappy relationship (or trying to heal your heart from one) you deserve to have too.

Sometimes you need a little help (heads up all my life transformation tips are in my online courses)

But there’s a deep lesson you need to learn here: Painful experiences can be a blessing in disguise. You may not ask for painful experiences, you may not expect them, and you may even curse the world for letting bad things happen to you: But years later, you can look back smile, and chant a new mantra:

“Everything Happens for A Reason.”

What happened when I finally moved forward? 

I healed my heart in a way that I didn’t even know it needed to heal! I thought that my relationship was the only thing damaged, but when that ended, I realized that my self love needed a ton of TLC too. Had I not had that rock bottom experience, I would have never faced the truth about myself – I was picking low-worth relationships because I had a low-worth placed on myself. I didn’t think I was deserving of the good stuff. I was constantly trying to please other people, so all I did was find “takers” to fill my life with. People who would take advantage of me.

By walking away from that relationship, I was able to drastically transform every area of my life. And I’ve never been happier.

Don’t worry… one day. That will be you too.

What You Need To Remember When Things Are Tough:

This is a learning moment – that if you let it – can make you stronger.

Everything – even the shitty stuff – happens for a reason.

Life is never perfect. And sometimes when things go drastically wrong, it just means there is a big drastic transformation waiting to happen.

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Heads up. If you’re relating to this story here, hurting and down on your luck. I’d suggest you check out:

The Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Course

Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course what is perfection

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Being a People Pleaser Kills Your Soul.

Being a People Pleaser Kills Your Soul.

My little adorable cute puppy Zoey has always been a people pleaser. She gets happy when I’m happy. She gets sad when I’m sad. She is constantly feeding off my energy vibes and just always there for me. And oh em gee is she the cutest. Yeah.. dogs are usually people pleasers.

My little companion is so adorable. But her people pleasing nature got me thinking about something today…. how many of us live life like that? Trying to make other people happy all the time?

People shouldn’t live their lives for the sole purpose of making other people happy. They should live their lives being happy for themselves! And no it isn’t selfish. It’s something you DESERVE.

I used to be the girl who was constantly living my life for other people. I was always looking for love, trying to be accepted, and receive approval from others.

It nearly killed me.

When I look back on that life, it kind of makes me sad. I spent so much time trying to do things that made other people happy that I spent so little time actually living for myself.  It was a crazy messed up people pleaser mentality that really prevented me from being happy.

My days as a people pleaser are long gone. And a lot of that has to do with the fact that I grew some serious self confidence. Having a strong sense of self-worth and being totally inline with who you are is a really powerful personality trait. It was for me. Because when I started to grow my sense of self love, being true to myself came naturally. It was just easier to do.

But before that? Man oh man it was hard. Okay.. Cute puppy happiness.

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AHHHHHH! Okay.. Back to the topic. People Pleasers and Happiness. 

Here are some things you need to know: 

People Pleasers have a hard time being themselves.

Imagine a world where you lived for others. Constantly making decisions for your life based on what you thought would make other people happy, or proud of you. Is that your world now? I hope it isn’t. Because it is a horrible way to live. How can you possibly make choices for your life when you worry so much about what other people want or need from you.

People Pleasers often attract really bad people.

Because when you live your life trying to constantly please other people – the only type of people you attract are TAKERS. People who want to get as much as they can from you giving as little as possible back in return. Ever heard the expression “your vibe attracts your tribe?” It’s

People Pleasers have a distorted view of happiness.

Can’t be happy unless other people are happy? Struggling to feel proud of yourself if no one is there patting you on the back? This isn’t life. this isn’t happiness. This is struggle.

I want you to check out this post on How to Stop Caring What Other People Think (there’s a free worksheet in there for you) 

how to stop caring what others think what is perfection worksheet free guide

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Dear Friend: I’m In Love with an Asshole.

Dear Friend: I’m In Love with an Asshole.

Back when I was in an unhealthy relationship –

I would go to my friends and family for advice…

and often times, they would get frustrated when I didn’t listen.

Here’s what I would have said back then if I had the courage:

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Dear friend: I know he is an asshole. And I know you hate it. 

But there are some things you need to know…things that haven’t been said.  After all, you are usually the one giving the advice… telling me what I should do and how I should move on from my unhealthy relationship… but I ask that just for now, you take some advice instead of giving it.

Because you need to hear this. There are a few things you need to know from me, your friend who is struggling an unhealthy abusive relationship. You know, the one you are always trying to help guide. I need to speak the truth here. And I know first hand that sometimes the truth is hard to hear. But just as I need to hear it often, you need to hear it too.

I know you are frustrated with me. I am frustrated with my life too.

You get upset when I don’t listen to your advice. I come to you with my problems and tell you what is happening in my unhealthy relationship, and I hear the same things from you. You tell me “leave him,” and “you need to walk away.” Then you get frustrated when I don’t “listen to you.” But it isn’t because I don’t love you. And it isn’t because I don’t trust you. It’s just that I’m not ready to do what I know I need to do.

I may just need time. And yes, you may be frustrated – but I need you to love me anyway.

You have been giving me the same advice time and time again, telling me the same common sense opinion – “This relationship is no good for you,” you say. “I’m sorry but you deserve so much better than this,” you tell me.

I know this is true. And I know you are sick of saying it. And I’m sometimes sick of hearing it too. Because it’s sometimes hard for me to actually believe it. But I love you anyway. And I need you to return the favor and love me anyway too. Even if I don’t do what you tell me to do the moment you say it. Because it isn’t that you aren’t “right.” It is just that I am scared to do this.

I feel embarrassed when you act as if I should know better.

It isn’t that I don’t want to walk away, and it isn’t that I think you are wrong. It is just that I don’t know how to do it yet. Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe I’m trying to find the strength. Maybe I just need time. But whatever it is – whatever the reason I don’t listen to you – it isn’t because I don’t love you or that I don’t need you around to talk to about my problems. I love and need you now more than ever before. I just need you to not take it so personally when I don’t listen. Please respect that sometimes it takes me a while to hear what you are saying – to believe in myself and find the strength to  listen to your sound advice may not happen right away. Please be patient. I am working on finding my strength.

Because your words are strong, but his words are still stronger sometimes…

You can tell me 100 times I should leave. But he has told me a million times that no one will ever love me the way that I am. So finding the strength to trust your words is hard – because it means I have to let go of his words too. And that takes a long time.

You can tell me 200 times that I deserve better. But when my partner has made me feel worthless, it is hard to trust that I will in fact find something better than this.

And you can say 300 times that things will get better, but they were better – three years go or three months ago when he was a different wonderful loving person that I fell in love with – and that’s hard to walk away from.

Maybe you are confident that I should walk away – but my confidence has been beaten down for years. And so making decisions on my own is something that is scary for me. It isn’t easy.

My mind has been molded over the years in this relationship… and retraining my brain to believe in my worth and see myself as more deserving than this is something that is going to take time. And I am hoping you keep patient with me.

Please let me keep coming to you.

I may not have the self esteem and confidence you do. Which is probably why I keep coming to you – because I admire your strength and I respect your advice.

And eventually I will take it. But if I am not ready at this moment, please be patient. Please don’t shut down and push me away when I don’t do what you tell me to do. I need you to understand that with every conversation I have with you, I grow stronger and more trusting that this is the right decision – to walk away. But it may take some time… it may take more conversations. It may take months or years… but please, please be patient.

Eventually it will happen. But please don’t shut me out or get mad when my actions don’t follow your expected timeline. Everyone finds strength in their own way… and my way may be different than your. It may take more time for me. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

And just because I don’t take your advice the second you give it, it doesn’t mean that I’m not listening.

I am listening. And I’ll keep listening. And eventually I’ll listen enough to actually do something about it.

But for the time being please let me keep coming to you. Please be there. Don’t let your frustration get in the way of the help I need.

If I am coming to you, it is because I admire you. I trust you. And I want your advice. I just also want kindness, and patience, and the respect that I may not be ready just yet .

But one day I will be.

And I would so love it if you could be there when it happens. So I can thank you for always being there.

 

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FEEL READY TO GET HELP?

CHECK OUT THE BROKEN TO BEAUTIFUL 30 DAY COURSE

Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course what is perfection

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The Private Investigator and My Ex.

The Private Investigator and My Ex.

I’m on the phone with a private investigator hoping he can help me find out all of my husband’s secrets. For the first time I share every detail of what is going on in my marriage. It’s embarrassing, but I am desperate to get help.

I tell him everything. The PI is silent for a minute. Finally, he speaks.

“Do you have a support system?” the private investigator says. “You know, someone to talk to?”

It’s not exactly what you expect to hear when you make a call to a PI.

“I would really love to help you – but you just need to walk away from this. It sounds bad,” he says. 

You expect a price negotiation, a proposal for his undercover plan maybe, an idea for catching your husband in all his secrets.

I’m not hearing any of that.

“Seriously you need to get out.” 

 What I am hearing instead is a stranger who just listened to me vomit my whole life story and now feels bad for me.

“I don’t need a support system. I need someone to help me find out my husband is lying,” I thought back then. 

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If you don’t know the story here, let me fill you in.

It was 2012 and I was married to a drug addict

I didn’t know he had a problem until the very end of our relationship.

He was really good at keeping secrets.

He was also really good at stealing money to support his habit…. Which is why he got fired…

And why his former boss wanted to arrange a meeting with me.

And why I was calling a private investigator that day.

But the only truth the PI had for me was the obvious:

This relationship is totally destructive, damaging and scary. 

And I need to run the fuck away. Now. Get out fast. 

 It wasn’t exactly the truth I was looking for, but there it was.

Right out of the Private Investigator’s mouth.

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Facing the truth your relationship is terrible.

Anytime anyone walks away from a relationship, they can usually look back years later and recognize the red flags. The problems leading up to the big breaking point seem obvious. “Yeah, no duh that was terrible,” you look back and think.

But in the moment of making decision like that, things aren’t so crystal clear. Deciding to stay or go seems complicated. The lines between right and wrong are blurry.

The idea of walking away from something – no matter how destructive it currently is – feels scary. You worry this is just a bump in the road you are supposed to overcome together – and you wonder if you are making a mistake.

At least I did. Yes, even after a total stranger and private investigator listened to my story and told me to get out – I still wondered if I was making the right choice.

Calling it quits makes you feel like a failure.

Or an idiot. Or sometimes, like in my case, it makes you feel both of those things. Finding out that the relationship you once thought was wonderful was actually so destructive and horrible is a big shock.

In that moment, I felt like life had just thrown me this big massive curve ball that I didn’t see coming. And now it was hitting me right in the face. Hard. And in front of an audience.

Because now I would have to tell my friends and family exactly what was going on. I would have to tell them that I was so naive to not see something like this coming. And it was embarrassing.

What I wish I knew back then:

The unknown future is always better than the painful “now.”

Today, years later, I am a totally different person. I am legit the happiest version of myself that I have ever been in my life. I now have a new love in my life and have totally and completely  healed my heart. Had I known that I was capable of those things back then, I would have went running for the hills way before it came down to calling a PI. The fear of the unknown can keep so many of us feeling stuck in our present misery. But the truth is if a current life situation is painful – anything else is better than that. Using that mindset really got me through the tough times of having to be alone.

A support system is only good if you’re ready to hear what they have to say.

Yes. Believe it or not, even after that moment I did try to work through my relationship. Shocking – I know. but the truth is sometimes you need to learn lessons the hard way. If you have a support system for what you are going through – that is absolutely fantastic. But if you aren’t ready to hear what they have to say about your unhealthy relationship – it doesn’t matter how right they are.

A bad partner will always be a bad partner.

Don’t get me wrong, bad habits die hard but can actually die. We all have unhealthy habits we bring to the relationship table. But there’s a big difference between working on a few communication skills vs. totally trying to change someone. My ex-husband was not a loving caring honest partner, and that was just the hard cold truth. I couldn’t change that about him even if I tried (and trust me – I tried for a long, long time.) You cannot change people or alter their values to align with yours.

A terrible relationship is often a sign that you feel terrible about yourself.

Ouch. Hurts to hear doesn’t it? But it’s the truth. I don’t care who tells you otherwise. If you find yourself holding onto a terrible relationship – it’s probably because you don’t believe you are capable of finding anything better. And you need to fix that mentality way way before you fix any relationship with anyone else. Case and point.

The key to moving on from a horrible relationship is repairing the relationship you have with yourself.

When I left that relationship I knew one thing for sure: I NEVER wanted to go through anything like that again. And I never did. Because I worked on myself. Once I left that relationship I spent years rebuilding my worth and restructuring my identity. I grew confidence, re-established my values and completely drastically changed my life. Now – I know exactly what I deserve. I went from rock bottom broken to a totally beautiful life that I am so grateful for.

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Going through things like this? You should check out the 30 Day Online Course

Broken to Beautiful – The 30 Day Program 

Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course what is perfection

CHECK OUT THE PROGRAM DETAILS HERE

 

 

Finding the Courage to Walk Away…

Finding the Courage to Walk Away…

We know it’s bad for us. We know it’s making us unhappy. But for some reason we can’t stop. No I’m not talking about binge eating ice-cream or smoking cigarettes. I’m talking about staying in an unhealthy relationship. Which if you ask me, is even worse than that pint of Ben & Jerry’s or that pack of Newport shorts. Walking away from a relationship is probably one of the hardest things to do. Especially if we’ve been in that relationship for a super long time.

So today I am going to give you some of the best tips and advice I have for finding that strength to walk away from a relationship.

BUT FIRST LET ME GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY

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There might be some other things you are struggling with right now.

If that’s the case, here are some other popular posts on unhealthy relationships from Me and WIP

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU SHOULD BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE (FREE QUIZ) 

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER A BREAKUP

WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP 

HOW TO SHOW LOVE THE RIGHT WAY YOUR PARTNER NEEDS

HOW TO BE HAPPY BEING SINGLE

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OKAY. MOVING ON. 

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what is perfection walking away from a relationship

 

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Walking Away from a Relationship

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Knowing when its time to leave.

One of the things I see most often in the community groups I run (especially in the healing a broken heart group) is that a lot of girls KNOW it’s time to leave. (They just don’t do it.) And while they feel super discouraged by their lack of action, it is actually a really big step they should be patting themselves on the back for taking! I mean… when we are in unhealthy relationships for so long, some of us don’t even realize it! We get so wrapped up emotionally, that we spend a lot of time lingering in that “hopeful state.” Like… “Well maybe he will change.” or “maybe we can fix this.” Sound familiar?  So … when you know it’s time, like REALLY KNOW, that’s something you should be applauding yourself for realizing. Even if you don’t take action right away! You are recognizing and acknowledging the problem exists. A Plus to you lady!

BUT HOW DO WE FIND THE COURAGE TO ACTUALLY DO IT? – KEEP READING.

Put a stop to the self doubt. 

Okay.. so a lot of us play this game in our heads right? Once we know walking away for a relationship is something we are truly considering in our heads (because we are unhappy or being mistreated) we start to go into this mode of “self doubt.” Suddenly all the “what-if’s” start playing in our head over and over again – like a bad record we can’t turn off. “What if this is the wrong decision?” or “What if this is my only chance at finding love?” Or how about “What if I leave and spend the rest of my life alone?” My advice to all the girls out there who are in this phase of finding courage is to put the breaks on your mind for a minute. Get out a pen and paper and write down all of those SELF DOUBT STORIES. See them on paper.. and then challenge them. Do some serious self reflecting on this. Ask yourself “why about this fear is false?” and “what is the real truth behind this situation right now?” Taking some time to write those questions and answers down (and not just playing the what if game in your head) will actually help.

Get clear about all the reasons why the relationship is bad. 

A lot of us linger in other ways too… besides the “what if” game. Suddenly, when we start considering walking away from a relationship, we also start reflecting on and remembering all “those good times,” we had. Am I right? you start remembering all the wonderful fantastic things your partner did in the very beginning. The first kiss, that dance you had, or that romantic moment when you fell in love. Whatever those memories are, kill them. If you are even thinking about walking away from a relationship, chances are the relationship in it’s CURRENT state is not a happy one. So start facing the truth: What about the relationship is not good for you? Ask yourself why it is a negative part of your life or a big source of unhappiness. Make that crazy list of all the ways he is wrong and see it for what it really is girl!

Discover the motivation to leave. Not tomorrow. Not three months from now. But NOW.

This is really a big part of my Broken to Beautiful 30 Day Online Course – if you haven’t registered I seriously recommend you go check it out. Finding that motivation to actually drive you towards walking away (rather than just thinking about it) is a big big step. And for a lot of women, it’s a hard step to take!  You need to ask yourself what life will look like if you don’t make this decision NOW. And what will the next year of your life be like? What joys will you be missing out on? What about your happiness, family situation or career life would be in jeopardy if you don’t start walking away from a relationship now. Try to really imagine the next year or two years or even three years if you stay where you are. Sound scary? Good. I hope so. Because THAT is EXACTLY what you need to drive you away from the relationship.

Take a BIG MASSIVE ACTION.

Now hold  up. I know I know.. walking away from a relationship can be something we put off for a REALLY long time. And I am not saying that you need to go through all these steps in a day and then pack your bags and leave. That massive action of actually WALKING away from a relationship sometimes doesn’t happen right away. But regardless, it is super important that you at least make an effort to take ONE big bold step towards that life you want for yourself. Not sure what I am talking about? Well, here are some ideas: Go look online for a new apartment. Go shop for furniture and imagine your new home and how you will decorate it. Go join an online dating site. So, go do SOMETHING related to this future as a single lady. And make sure it is something that gets you EXCITED for the future. That big massive action step is so important because so many of us feel insecure and afraid of making the WRONG decisions… so the more baby steps you take.. the more smaller decisions you start making, the more confident you will feel when you actually DO Step away from that unhealthy relationship.

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I hope these tips and steps help you along your journey! Find that courage girl! And check out those other posts if you need help!

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I May Be A Rape Victim….

I May Be A Rape Victim….

I AM A RAPE VICTIM.

Seems like that’s the only way to start this story.

So you know exactly what I am.

My credentials and credibility are right in front of you.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.

I am a rape victim.

……

There it is.

….

That was probably easier for me than it was for you.

The harder part is deciding what to write next.

Because there a million things I want to say.

There a million things I want to tell you.

A million things you need to know.

So let’s start with the whole million shall we?

The millions of us out there who are victims.

The millions of us who have experienced a rape.

THERE ARE LITERALLY MILLIONS.

And I am just one of them.

Yes, I am a rape victim.

But I stopped living like one a long time ago.

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And I’m telling the story.

 Since I’m sure you are wondering anyway.

Because so many are curious.

So few inquire.

“I am a rape victim”

I will say.

It’s a statement often followed by silence.

So powerful that few know how to follow it.

“When did it happen?”

“How old were you?” 

“Did you know your attacker?” 

So many wonder. So few ask.

So many are afraid to ask.

BUT SO MANY NEED TO HEAR THE ANSWERS.

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When I was 13 and about to start high school, I was sexually assaulted by six men at once.

When I was 19 and in my first year of college, I was raped by someone I knew.

Those are the years in the record books.

The years that make me a “rape victim.”

Those are the years you’ll look at, learn about, and come to a conclusion from:

“Yes. She is a rape victim.” This is proof.  

But what you don’t see on paper are all the other years in between.

The years that were taken from me.

The years I didn’t “become” a victim, but actually “lived” like a victim:

By trying to erase the memory of how I became one in the first place.

Trying to.

Because that’s what so many of us try to do.

For so many years.

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Like the year after my first assault, when I was 14 years old and decided to keep it a secret.

Someone said, “you must have asked for it.” So I remained silent. 

Or the year after that, when I was 15, and pretended like it never happened.

Because the friends I told stopped being my friends.

And the adults I told didn’t believe me.  

 So I tried to stop believing it too. 

And then the years I was 16, and 17, and 18, and 19,

when I was finally able to convince myself

It never happened.

Because I just wanted to be normal like everyone else. 

But it did happen.

And when I was 19 and it happened again,

I just decided it didn’t.

Because no one ever told me “it’s not your fault,”

So I continued living like it was.

Living like I was a victim.

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An attack is not just one moment.

It’s a lifetime.

It’s being raped of a childhood.

Being blamed for an attack.

Labeled as “a slut.”

Looked at as “a weirdo.”

Growing up unable to connect with others.

Spending years just trying to “be normal.”

Constantly ignoring a pain.

Continuously living in denial.

Never. Ever. Talking about it.

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But this is is a conversation we need to have.

Because if we  don’t talk about it,

No one will learn.

Victims won’t heal.

Attacks won’t be prevented.

The stigma will linger.

Nothing will change.

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But we need change.

Stop victimizing the victims and start helping them live and let go.

We can’t let go of something when we pretend it never happened. 

Stop silencing your children and minimizing their trauma.

We learn from you. And if you are ashamed, we will be too. 

Stop telling your girlfriends they “asked for it.”

We didn’t ask for it. We asked for acceptance. 

We need to stop punishing victims by silencing them.

Blaming them.

Belittling them.

Branding them.

Burdening them.

We need to stop doing all of those things.

And start letting stories be heard, understood, and accepted.

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I hated being called a rape victim.

Because the only thing that ever made me a victim was

having to live

pretending it never happened.

For fear of being judged,

unaccepted

ridiculed

laughed at

punished.

Calling me a victim made me feel defeated.

It made me feel impure.

It made me feel less than.

Not because it represents the horror and pain of something I once experienced,

But because it made me feel like I should keep silent

and remain inferior

to my attackers

and to people who looked me differently because I was attacked.

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Maybe I am different.

But it doesn’t make inferior.

Maybe I was attacked.

But it doesn’t give you the freedom to attack me.

Maybe you don’t understand.

But you should at least try to.

And sure, maybe I did experience something traumatic.

But I overcame it like a fuckin warrior.

And I am damn proud of that.

Because even though I am a victim.

I’m sure as hell not living like one.

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What is Perfection is the Self Improvement blog for the imperfect girl everywhere. Learn to find happiness, feel beautiful, and be confident in who you are. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be the best version of us. And we all are truly capable of getting there. Because Perfection Is Impossible. Happiness isn’t. See The Self Improvement E-Guide Collection For Your Life Coaching Guides to Change Your Life Today!

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