How to Reinvent Yourself

How to Reinvent Yourself

This morning I posted a narrative on my Facebook page. It was sort of a soul reflection on how I got to the place I am in today.

I am the possibility that all people can reinvent themselves.

In 2008 I was raped and walked away from my life to reinvent myself.
In 2012 I left a drug-addicted husband, and reinvented myself as a single woman.
In 2013 I was able to heal and rebuild – landing myself in my first apartment – reinventing myself as “successful” for the first time. 
In 2015 I walked away from an unhealthy career and created What is Perfection LLC.

Now I am here. With Purpose, Passion, and a Fire in my soul.

The old me would have never been able to receive this joy.

But like I said: I am the possibility that all people can reinvent themselves.

In order to follow our dreams and become who we are meant to be, we need to shed the old parts of ourselves that hold us back. That means transforming who we are.

In my life, I have shed a lot of things in the process of reinventing myself to follow my dreams. I’ve lost weight, let go of unhealthy people, gave away possessions, released negative emotions, and said goodbye to the old version of me I didn’t like.

I am still reinventing myself today. Why? Because suffering is the result of unfulfilled dreams. And I refuse to suffer.

At some point you must take the next step. Make a commitment to have what you want in life and then make a plan to get it. It’s there waiting for you, but most likely it isn’t going to just fall into your lap.

Release the negative holding you back. Reinvent the human you are so that you can level up to the dreams you have for your life. And then?

GO GET IT.

 

But what if you want to reinvent yourself but you don’t know how? What if you are trying to achieve some bigger than you goal in your brain right now and it feels almost impossible to get there.

This – ladies and gents – is about learning to perfect the art of “Closing the gap.” Getting you from where you are to where you want to be in life.

And all of that, starts from within.

 

How to Reinvent Yourself

1.Start getting clear about what needs to leave your life. 

This is probably the biggest most powerful shift you can make in your life – removing the negativity.  I also think it’s truthfully one of the hardest. Some of us aren’t even aware of the negative in our life until it slaps us right in the face. Do you have friends who belittle you? Does your mother make you feel insignificant? Maybe your home is so cluttered with reminders of the past you have a hard time moving forward. Whatever it is – learning to recognize what doesn’t serve you and getting rid of it is the first step in reinventing yourself.

 

2.Figure out who you truly want to be.

This is one of the most exciting legs of the journey – redesigning the vision you have for you life!  If you are a person who doesn’t like change – then lets face it, this might be a hard part of the process for you. But then again you probably wouldn’t be reading this post anyway. Asking yourself important questions about the life you want will lay the solid foundation for change. Do you want to make more money? Do you want to be more kind? Perhaps you have this crystal clear picture of you and your dream love sitting on a beach, or buying a house and raising a family. Get clear about the vision. Paint it. Paint it with all the pretty colors you can possibly imagine. And then execute it.

 3.Set your goal, pick a deadline and take massive action. 

Hire a coach, invest in a program, do something crazy serious to train yourself/ mold into the person you want to be. It’s pretty simple guys. In order to stretch into a new human being, you need to do some of the hard work. That may mean investing in a vision greater than your present state right now. It may mean doing things that are scary and overwhelming and full of fear.

 4. Walk with the fear to become that new version of you.  

So since you know what you want now  get really good at strategy for getting there. It doesn’t mean things are going to be perfect right away – but learning to realign yourself with the higher version of you that you want to be is so important. Learn how to take those big scary leaps that will make you grow and propel you into the person you want to be. If it doesn’t scare you – then you aren’t dreaming big enough!

 

I tried to Kill Myself Twice…

I tried to Kill Myself Twice…

I was suicidal once. Don’t believe me?
In 2008 I ended up in the hospital after an overdose. Twice.

What would you say if I told you that same year I was raped, diagnosed with a mental illness, and in a psych-ward? Would you be shocked to find that out too?

I also left a drug addicted husband, an unhealthy unhappy career, and some seriously abusive relationships.

If you knew me back then you would have probably said, “That girl won’t amount to anything.”

Because that’s what I used to say about myself.

Back then, that was my narrative: The crazy messed up, never good enough, always miserable never confident girl.

And I thought that was how it would always be.

Boy was I wrong.

Today that girl is gone, and a new woman stands in her place. A woman who is confident, happy, full of love, successful, healed, and recovered. A woman who created the life that once felt so impossible.

The old me might be gone, but I see her in each and every one of my clients.

She is in the woman who feels unhappy in her relationship and needs help healing.

The girl who wants to find happiness and purpose in her life but feels lost and in need of guidance.

The person who just wants to transform their life – live better, be better, serve the world better.

If you are that person out there feeling like your dreams are impossible, I want you to see that no matter where you are right now, you can rewrite your narrative.

Wherever you are right now is not where you have to be.

You can become a totally new you. You can transform your life. You can get out of whatever struggle you face.

You can do it all.

Nothing is impossible.

 

My “Big Leap” Story.

My “Big Leap” Story.

I have been thinking a lot, long and hard about my life. The choices I have made in the past that led me to where I am now. So many people feel like they want to take that big life leap but they are scared

What started it all:

Hitting rockbottom. In my career. See before I was a life coach and business owner, I was working for the big man in the city, running the daily grind at CBS News. And for a while, I loved it.  I was eating living and breathing my job. I loved it. I thrived there. I wanted nothing more than to be the best producer I could possibly be for a company I totally adored. So much news obsession. I loved it.

Then one day I got a offered the “big break” promotion I was waiting for.

I finally felt like my hard work was paying off. My years of 12 plus hour days were finally fruitful. My life was changing. I finally felt like I had “made it.” Except.. I didn’t.

I had a serious life change and a really bad bully.

The hours were overnight. My life totally changed. My position was very challenging and extremely overwhelming. My boss was a bully who was constantly talking down to me and throwing me under the bus for things. I felt like I was watching my life fall apart. The reputation I spent so long trying to build to be successful was crumbling. It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my five years there.

Working for her made the last year of my professional career at CBS a living hell. I came home crying more times than I could count. It wasn’t just a job to me, it was my life, and so when things started to fall in my career, I started to crumble too.  I started drinking constantly to cope with the stress and anxiety related to work. My boyfriend came home on several occasions to find me passed out on the floor. It was a shameful, shameful time in my life. I felt totally out of control of my happiness. The long over night hours of midnight to nine am were draining me of my energy, and on top of that, the bullying was so constant that I just wanted to run away and hide.

I tried talking to human resources but in that industry, it is hard to voice your mistreatment. Despite everything I went through, H.R. told me I had two choices: I could report the incident and get an X on my back for the rest of my career, or I could fight it and push through it knowing that one day she wouldn’t be my boss anymore.

I had a third option: Preparing my exit.

So I started looking for an exit .

I applied for jobs left and right – searching for any opportunity to get out of there and move on to something bigger and better. When nothing pulled through, I started looking for anything at all to pay the bills. But nothing felt right to me.  So I made a decision.

I decided that from that moment on, I was never going to let someone else dictate my happiness. If I was miserable in my career, which was my whole life at the time, then I needed to take action and do something about it. I needed to change my life. Even if I wasn’t being handed a new job on a silver platter. I needed to take action myself.

If no one is going to give me an opportunity, I am going to make one for myself.

So I left. I left the company and decided that even though I didn’t have anything lined up, everything would be okay.

I knew that if I did that, there would be tough consequences: Financial consequences. Living situation consequences. Some big adult decisions would have to be made. And I made them together with my boyfriend. I quit my job, left my career and moved our apartment into a storage unit while Matt and I moved out to Connecticut with his family. It was a really tough choice full of a lot of compromises and sacrifices. But the one thing that mattered that I wouldn’t compromise in the process was my happiness.

On my last day at CBS, I saw her in the hallway. I turned to the woman who was responsible for causing me so much unhappiness and I told her “I wish you nothing but the best.” And truthfully, I did. And I still do. She taught me a valuable lesson that I am so grateful for: Never settle for less than you deserve when It comes to your happiness and self worth.

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Moving on Out…

After that, I decided it was time to go into recovery mode. I caught up on sleep, organized my life, and took some time reflecting on my happiness and my passions – what was this all for?  Everything happens for a reason, so why did this happen exactly? Why did I work so hard to build a career just to walk away from it all? There had to be some deeper purpose for my life. And then I founded What is Perfection. And it all made sense. Not everything is going to magically fall into place the second you shake things up. Change takes time. And I am in it for the long haul. My business is the beautiful baby child I created in a moment of darkness, that now shows other people how to pull out of their rock bottoms. And it’s fucking beautiful. I love it.

Don’t Ever Settle..

I guess the moral of the story  here is to never settle for being unhappy, but also to remember and recognize that life isn’t always what you expect it to be. If I continued on my life journey with the goal of being a successful news producer at CBS with 25 plus years under my belt, I would have been compromising my happiness in so many ways. By changing my purpose, and realizing that my main goal was happiness, so many new doors opened, but the CBS door had to close too. And that’s okay. Having the expectations that life is supposed to be perfect is simply not a way to live. Sometimes things work out differently than we originally had planned, but when we decide to be open to new possibilities, it makes life even more amazing.

So be clear in your mission to find happiness, but always be flexible in your approach. Don’t be afraid to close doors and open new ones. There is a world of possibility out there for you.

 

 

The Journey of Life – Being happy when you have no idea what’s next

The Journey of Life – Being happy when you have no idea what’s next

I used to be the girl who needed a plan for everything. I needed to know exactly what I was doing and when I would be doing it. To me, that was what “having your shit together,” meant. All successful people have a plan for life and achieving their dreams right? I mean – if you don’t have a strategy and live life with zero game plan then your a super lazy loser right?

I mean.. this is what I thought. This was my mindset. For a long, long time.

Take my career as a CBS News producer for example. The minute I knew I wanted to be a producer, I did everything and anything I could to come up with a “master strategy” to get to my goal.

“First I’m going to do really really good in school and get a degree in journalism.” 

“Then I am going to get three amazing solid internships to put on my resume (not one, not two, but three. Must have three.)” 

“Next I am going to find my mentor. A solid mentor to guide me.” 

“Then I am going to find the perfect network and get that dream job I deserve.” 

Master plan complete. That became my roadmap to follow for the next four years.

“This master plan will get me to my goal in life. Then I will feel successful,” I thought.

Did I achieve that goal with my masterplan? You bet your ass I did. But my plan quickly turned into a master disaster.

Yes I knew exactly what  I wanted, and yes I figured out exactly what I had to do to get there. But then I got there.. and I felt unhappy, lost, and really unfulfilled.

Something was missing. This goal of mine did not provide me all those happy feelings I wanted it to.  – I felt so incredibly lost.

“Holy shit. Now I need a new plan. What’s my new plan?”

I had no plan.

“How the heck do you make a plan when you don’t know what your end goal is?” 

“Holy shit… am I that messy lazy unsuccessful girl now? What the heck happened to me?” 

I had no idea what to do.

I didn’t have a plan that felt safe and secure. There wasn’t an end result anymore that was specific and crystal clear… In fact I had no idea what I wanted in my life.. All I knew was “I just want to be happy… and I am not happy here in my life right now.” 

Realizing how uncertain my future was felt like being hit with a ton of bricks. Not only did it hurt, but it was super scary.

Giving up control and admitting I had no master plan to make a big change in my life was SOOOOOO not in my wheel house. 

But putting myself in that position and challenging myself to learn how to embrace that uncertainty was probably the best thing I ever did.

It helped me become an expert in what made me happy.

And it drastically changed my life for the better.

I am 100 percent who I am today because of that moment when I had zero clue who I was.

Here’s what I learned…..

 

Not knowing what’s ahead and not having your shit together are two different things.

For the longest time I thought that “soul searching” was a term unsuccessful people used when they failed at things. It meant you were a flake who couldn’t be responsible and commit to a big girl grown up lifestyle. Walking away from a career meant you weren’t dedicated or committed or a hard worker. And being unable to stick to a job you worked so hard to attain meant that you were someone who just gave up.

This is all bull shit. That old saying “what is right is not always popular, and what’s popular is not always right”  kept me focused on recognizing that I wasn’t a failure. Just because society led me to believe I need to go to college for four years to land a job I would have for the rest of my life doesn’t mean that is RIGHT. And honestly, it’s boring when I think about it. Life is not meant to be this straight and narrow path to security. It is about living adventurously and creatively  (at least for me.)

And just because 90 percent of the world out there is living the 9-5 for a 401k and a stable income, does not make that the perfect way to live life. And just because I am not doing that doesn’t mean I don’t have my shit together. You can totally not know what’s ahead and be successful. Don’t tell yourself you aren’t an achiever just because you are living in the unknown right now. The unknown is amazing… which leads me to lesson number two:

Uncertainty is scary, but spectacular.

I was really scared to walk away from my career. “Oh my god I am going to be homeless,” was my first thought. But when I got really clear about it, I did have some serious fears about closing that chapter of my life and some serious lingering questions about my decision.

“What if this is a mistake? What if I don’t stay here and then struggle financially? What if I fail at whatever else I try?  What if I live unhappy for the rest of my life?”

Surrendering to that uncertainty was the biggest boldest step I made for myself… it made me see that life is not about having control. When I tried to control my life I had an unhappy job,  a large list of bills and a small bank account. Sure I had “success” But I was miserable. My emotional stability was in the toilet, my relationships were suffering, and I felt truly stuck in my life.

Once I surrendered to the uncertainty and decided to pursue my path of What is Perfection, everything changed. I now live in a house I own with my finance and get to be creative and inspired every day. I love my relationships and I feel truly grateful for my life every single day.

You tell me which life sound better?

When you feel uncomfortable with not knowing, it’s because you have trust issues / insecurities.

I didn’t want to give up control in my life and surrender to the universe because I was scared the universe wouldn’t have my back. But as Gabby Bernstein says – the universe always has your back. And she’s right. When you do things for the right reasons, there is zero way you can end up unhappy. I swear it. If I left my job because I was just tired of working and wanted to sit on the couch all day and eat bonbons… well… I’d probably not be rewarded by the universe. But I didn’t leave my career for those reasons. I left because I knew I deserved better, I was hungry for more, I felt unfulfilled and I knew I had a greater purpose in life.

I needed to trust that if I was doing things with a good heart, good things would happen.

Learning to surrender to that and trust the process of uncertainty forced me to believe in my worth – “I am deserving of this growth, worthy of this change, and a greater power will protect me and guide me on this journey.” Hard to say that when you have trust issues and carry insecurities about yourself right?

I needed to learn how to let go of that and grow my self worth. Once I did, it changed everything. We all do.

Anything amazing and truly fulfilling comes with a huge amount of risk. Be the dare devil for your life.

There has never been a risk I have regretted later on. Because every single risk I have taken in life involved me listening to my gut instincts.  And if your gut is telling you to do something – you won’t regret it. I promise.

xoxox

 

 

My Imperfect Label: Being Mentally Ill.

My Imperfect Label: Being Mentally Ill.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with a mental illness. It was my first year of college. It was also the first year I attempted suicide. And the year I was raped. Yeah…a lot of big things happened for me that year. A lot of big and scary things.

But probably the most monumental moment in 2008 – the one that hurt the most – was the moment I decided that I was exactly what everyone else thought I was:

An unfixable damaged emotional mess.

And I thought life would always be that way.

Boy oh boy was I wrong.

I’m keeping today’s post on the blog short and sweet.. because honestly, the Podcast says it all. Today, live, is episode two: “Labeled Imperfect and mentally Ill.”

I urge you guys to all go check it out. It’s available on iTunes and Google Play.

Questions about it? Comments? Get at me in the community group!

xoxo

 

My Morning Meditation Game Changer.

My Morning Meditation Game Changer.

Dear Universe: 

I have a new morning routine that I am in love with – morning meditation.

I am not exactly a newbie when it comes to meditation, but I have never in my life ventured away from the “guided meditations.” You know, the ones where you put on a recording and listen to someone tell you what to do during your experience.

So this morning I tried something for the first time: Meditation on my own.

It was the most amazing self realization experience ever. I sat there with my eyes closed for 30 minutes, focusing on my breathing, and quieting my mind.

After a few deep breathing cycles, I was finally able to move out all the clutter thoughts – the “things I need to do today” and stuff like that – I was suddenly immersed with the most beautiful thoughts and lessons I needed to be learning. It was almost as if I was asking a higher power to sort of “show me the way” through some of the obstacles I feel faced with right now.

And BOOM. It hit me. A wave of self discovery.

So right after the half hour was over I ran upstairs to get my notebook and write down all the thoughts I came away with.

Here they are.. out there for you universe. 

-Money is an expression of love. I am open to receiving it.

-I am my most important client. When I don’t focus on growing and bettering myself, I cannot help change the lives of others.

-I am a role model for my audience. I give and I receive. I am a peer among this community – equal to all of these wonderful women and never ever above them.

-I love connection. I don’t get hurt by it. I live passionately for my community.

-I need to continuously be growing and improving myself so the I can be the best representation of what loving yourself truly can do for you.

-Receiving is beautiful, abundant and full of love. It is not scarce.

-My creativity fuels me. It is my purpose. And has my deep gratitude.

-Do what you love and the money will follow. The lives of others will change. you will make a difference. All you have to do is follow your heart and passion and the universe will reward you.

-I put myself first not because it is selfish, but because I am teaching others to do the same. Practicing what I preach ….. not just saying what is right, but living what is right every single day.

oxoxox