A Crazy Messed Up Beautiful Disastrous 1st Year.
Categories Lifestyle

A Crazy Messed Up Beautiful Disastrous 1st Year.

My thoughts are super scatter brained right now, so bear with me. There is seriously SOOO much happening right now in my life. So much is going on. Tons of craziness. Moving, Business stuff, Engagement, Wedding planning, Online course planning, Crazy crazy crazy.

And yes it is super exciting to have lots of big adult things happening in my life, it also feels like there is so little time to catch a breath and just relax. It stresses me out sometimes. Because I’m a normal human after all. And there’s a lot to juggle here.

So as exciting as my life feels right now, it also makes me feel like I am in desperate need of some sleep. And maybe a Xanax. And a personal assistant. And a massage therapist. Oh… and a cookie.  I really want a cookie.

This past year has been crazy.

It’s been a CRAZY year with a crazy amount of change. And full disclosure: Not all of it was roses and butterflies. Actually.. majority of it wasn’t.

So many WIP Girls can relate to that feeling… like a bunch of crazy things happening at once and a lot of it feels like chaos that is totally out of your control? Yeah…it can feel terrible when so many crazy things are happening all at once. Especially if they are bad things. WIP Girls – We stay strong though.  (Oh if you aren’t a WIP Girl yet you should come be one because it’s super cool and super free.)

Anyway, given the crazy year it’s been, I figured it was time I do a little recap. You know, kind of like a “blog recap.” …. except instead of fashion outfits and DIY projects, I am going to give you a recap of all the messy craziness that happened this past year in my life and on the website.

Crazy Beginning Life Changing Scary Things. 

WIP started as just a dream… and it actually only happened because I was in a  crazy crazy miserable career that I just wanted to break away from.  You can read all about my life story here if you’re interested. But 12 months ago was the actual START of this adventure – but I needed to do something big and scary first.

-I quit my job at CBS News and started my WIP venture. I had a dream to pursue What is Perfection and help girls gain confidence and create happy lives – take control of their future and start kicking ass. So I guess the first big step in doing all of that was actually taking control of my own life – quitting my miserable job and heading out into the big scary world of being an entrepreneur. That was a crazy big step for me.. and you can read about why I left my job at that particular time here in this post But yeah.. I needed to really F-ck up my life plan in order to make this happen. Bye bye health insurance, bye bye vacation days. Bye bye stability.

-Then I almost got sued by CBS. Yes… I didn’t exactly leave the company on good terms. I legit walked away out of no where with NOTHING lined up. It’s not exactly something people do in that industry. I was mistreated for a while at my job, and I left to take a stand for what I deserved in life and it wasn’t that. But given the circumstances of my resignation, the company was kind of nervous. So they tried to pressure me into signing a disclosure agreement to keep the details of my experience hush hush. (Freedom of speech seems silly don’t you think?) Yea… so that was a bit of a bump in the road there. But I stood my ground and said no signing my speech away. Yay freedom!

-Then I went broke. Yup. Totally broke. This wasn’t exactly a surprise. After all, you can’t live in New York City, start your own business and still afford to eat, am I right? Matt and I decided that it was time to move to Connecticut (that’s where he’s from.) So we packed up our belongings, said goodbye to NYC and said hello to his mom and dad… and their house.. and his old childhood bedroom.. where we have been camping out for the past year. Check out how that happened here.) I put almost all of my things in storage withdrew all of my 401k savings to invest in my big bad ass dream of What is Perfection. (that was a big financial “woah nelly” for me.) But see the pattern here? Things were falling apart all over the place! It was chaos!

-Then I went emotionally broke. Had a serious couple of breakdowns, went off medication, went on medication – finally came to terms with being on medication. I cried a lot. Drank often. and doubted myself for making this big decision of running my own business (not all the time.. but sometimes.) I lost a lot of sleep (there’s so much to do when you start your own company) Stopped shaving my legs (because seriously – who has the time.) and I stopped working out – because I had zero time to brush my teeth let alone brush up on my weight training skills. I was off balance for sure. And it only got worse.

-My relationships started falling on the back burner (and some of them ended up in the toilet.) Yes.. Matt and I started having some problems. It was pretty much expected. I totally gave up my financial independence (by choice of course) and I was feeling insecure about it. As a result of all that stress, our communication skills were failing us a bit. We started fighting about the future – “When are we getting married? When are we moving out of here” and “When are we going to start growing again?” ….. If you don’t know by now, I am always, always in a rush. So yeah.. I was pressuring him a bit too much. You can read about it here  and how I was so stressed out about “being the one for him.” (I was nervous maybe I wasn’t.)

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Then Things Changed

This is kind of how things always work for me. Like my whole life it’s either a bunch of crazy bad things happening at once, or a bunch of crazy good things. When it’s the bad stuff – it sucks.  Disaster comes – like the end of the world disaster – ALL at once. And it isn’t just like… one little thing. It’s EVERYTHING happening ALL AT ONCE. So I crash and burn, get totally freaked out, and then BOOM. I hit a rock (at the bottom maybe?)

And I decide to take action.

I say F-this shit and start kicking ass.. doing anything and everything I can to change my path. (It’s something I teach in my online courses because it is total rockstar status living) .

So I put on my big girl panties and decided it was time to kick ass. 

-I got sober and started taking care of my mental health. I realized that drinking was a way of coping for me, and I was not going to do it anymore (it was doing way more damage than good. Read all about my how to quit a bad habit in my post here I started incorporating are balance into my life and spent less time stressing and more time relaxing.

-I started  appreciating my relationship. Matt and I repaired together, and became so super strong and awesome. We learned the languages of love and used them to our advantage to care more for one another (check out the love language deets here if you need help in your own love life.) Also, I stopped pressuring him about the future. I embraced the fact that moving at a slower than expected pace was actually a good thing. It allowed us to embrace each small celebration individually – like our two year anniversary, and our first apartment together. Rather than rushing to move fast and furious into the future, I took a step back and actually enjoyed the moments were sharing together. And that’s actually when we started growing the most!

-We got engaged! Yes. Matt and I actually got engaged. It’s funny when you stop placing so much stress on your relationship progress – it actually starts progressing! You can read about the engagement here on the blog, it was probably one of the more treasured moments of my life.

-And we actually bought a house. Okay.. so we are still sort of in this process as of now, but we have a closing date and a beautiful home that we are truly in love with. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful. and I cannot wait to share it with you. (and get all of my stuff out of storage of course.)

-And WIP actually blossomed into a beautiful amazing wonderful thing. Yes. I am so super excited about all the online courses coming this new year, and the programs that have totally inspired women to transform their lives and their confidence. I cannot believe how amazing this journey has been. Now I run an awesome self improvement community for WIP Girls and I can’t believe this only happened in a year!

-I started actually believing in myself. This was the big changing point for me. When you think you can’t do something, it makes it really hard to feel confident and proud of your decisions to dedicate so much time to it. That was especially true with my WIP venture. The minute I actually started believing in what I was doing, my credibility, my experience, and my programs – that was when everything changed for me and WIP. Learning to really believe in my worth had a lot to do with letting go of my limiting beliefs. I needed to push out all those voices that told me it was a bad idea – like my aunts who said “well what will you do about savings?” or my college journalism professor who told me, “you aren’t really a good writer.” Yes.. I needed to push out all of the negativity and just focus on what my heart was telling me to do. And that was the moment when everything started to change.

 

So here’s the loaded winded lesson of this post:

You can change anything and everything for your life. Rock bottom is only temporary. Sometimes things have to totally suck before they can become totally amazing. Nothing is permanent. Everyone has the power to drastically change their life. And everyone deserves to. Had I not taken that big scary leap of leaving my job, I would not be here. And that feels really sad to think about… like.. what if I just stayed there, stuck miserable and unhappy? NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!

So whatever it is you hate and whatever you are trying to get out of  in your life – if your gut is telling you to do it – GO F-cking do it. Because you’ll look back a few months later with such a crazy sense of gratitude for making that big scary decision.

I know I do. For sure.

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Oh..Don’t Forget to Checkout the Online Courses!

 

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